Things are going to start happening to me….NOW.

I sent a great number of frantic emails yesterday, trying to ride this wave of productivity and energy to the max before it peters out on me again and I am left blubbering in the surf like David Cross’ character in the “Felusa” skit about marching band music, when “Mediocrity” rides by on an old timey velocipede and waves ominously at him while he weeps.

The downside is: I’ve got a lot of crap to get done.

The upside is: the people I need in my corner are ON BOARD the ship.

I’m halfway through a New Yorker article about John Brown. JOHN BROWN! People! John Brown was the weirdest most amazing dude! He killed millions of (well, like 10) people and advocated violence against the south as being “the only way our slave-owning brethren will see the light.” He said that it was okay for an entire generation of men, women and children to be slaughtered if it brought slavery to an end. He thought that the laws of our nation were bullshit as long as slavery was allowed to exist. Man, that guy HATED SLAVERY!

I’ll tell you more about it when I finish the article.

I also had the following phone conversation last night:
“hello?”
“HONEY! CAN YOU HEAR THAT MUSIC?”
“Dad? What music?”
“IT’S EVERCLEAR!! DO YOU KNOW EVERCLEAR?”
“Yeah, I know Everclear! What are you doing at an Everclear concert?”
“WHAT? DO YOU KNOW THEM?”
“YES! HE IS FROM PORTLAND!”
“PRETTY GOOD BAND?”
“UH….”
“SO, ARE YOU SAYING WE SHOULD MUSCLE ON PAST THIS SECURITY GUARD AND TRY TO GET IN THERE?”
“YES! I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THAT!”
“OKAY, DOLL BABY, WE’LL CALL YOU TOMORROW FROM JAIL!”

my parents are always calling me randomly from places I had no idea they were in. One time during finals in high school I got a call from them as they were leaving to go to a Rolling Stones concert. What? Where are you? Oh, in Fort Worth, Texas. They’d just decided to fly down there and take my brother out of school so he could see the Rolling Stones. “IT WAS SO AMAZING!” they said later. Or, like, sometimes I’ll call them and they’ll be at the premiere of Luke Wilson’s new movie, hanging out with Harry Dean Stanton. One time they called me from Mexico. Later I found out they bought a piece of property right on the beach in some tiny village no one has ever heard of. My dad sold his newspaper and then bought it back without telling any of us about it. I also recently found out that my mom has been taking tap dancing lessons. Also one day she just came home with a kitten, having never mentioned such a desire before in her life. I never have any idea that these things are happening. I would not be surprised to learn that my father had written a bestselling novel and was in France writing the screenplay version that some studio paid him 10 million dollars for. And when I expressed surprise, my mom would be like, “oh, well. We thought you knew.” One time they called to “say goodbye” before heading to South America for 3 months. I was like “what?? when did this get planned?” Then I said “what am I supposed to do if I don’t hear from you for months and I’m scared you’re dead?” and my dad said I should call Sean Penn and tell him to go find them.

My parents have a really awesome life, apparently. I love the contrast of me receiving that phone call while having an early quiet dinner at home with no intention of leaving the house on a saturday night. I suspect my parents think I am boring. I’m sure my brother does. He has a much deeper social life than I do. He is like this guy who can just walk into any party and immediately make like 10 friends. It is like he is a 5th level wizard or something. Part of it is, I am sure, because he is so handsome. Such a big, strapping lad with that windburned skier’s face! Soon I will be home with these amazing people, showing my mom how to make peanut sauce and feeling pretty damn good about it.