Case of the Mondays

– drunk with the power of my new position, I use it (my power) to unilaterally declare that beethoven will be taught in the “Romantic” section of this class, rather than the “Classical,” where he has resided for over 20 years at this institution. I am roundly applauded for my boldness

– I am sent an automatically-generated email informing me that I as a new employee I am required to go to a “workplace bullying” workshop today that was two hours long and where we learned that nobody under the age of 40 has ever heard of the term “indian-giver.” Luckily, they have now

– seething with selfishness, I tell my husband “I am taking all of the coffee; you can make coffee for yourself in the small pot.” He says “ok” (workplace bullying)

– I am become Committee Member, powerful scheduler and rescheduler of innumerable meetings

– Over a period of two weeks, I try to relax each night right before bed by methodically reading online recaps of every single episode of Walking Dead seasons 2-5

– I keep not finishing my work in time to go to the gym each day, so I do 40 pushups while drinking vodka and call it good

– We are ten deep into our project of watching 19 Hitchcock films in a row because of my husband’s job. You might think they are all good movies but you would be wrong….DEAD wrong

– I come to the conclusion that David O. Selznick was a complete psychopath (see above)

– I am asked by a student in class if Carlos Santana is as talented as Jimmy Page. I say it depends

– I am awoken literally every single morning between 5 and 6 by a powerful surge of adrenaline and nausea; my unconscious reminding me that it is once again time to face another day of thinking incessantly about how I have to write a book and publish it in five years or I will lose my job and never get another one. It is pitch black outside and I stand looking into my own eyes in the bathroom mirror. My face looks like a human skeleton face; I can not read the expression in my own eyes

– Great weather; gray and cold and wet, just how I like it

– I think constantly about how my husband is making lasagna tonight