Heh Jude / Figure It Out

It was a roadtrip weekend, so we all made plans to meet at Katy’s house at 9 a.m., took the dog to boarding school, realized they don’t open until 10, texted everybody to tell them 10 instead, loaded up the car, and we were off!

The trip up was filled with an almost hysterical cheer. We were so delighted to be in the car, on spring break, driving up to a lovely part of the country. “Hey, the pizza was great, and the ladies were great.” We listened to Katy’s XTC BEST DANCE PARTY EVER mix that includes both Woolly Bully and Rage Against the Machine. We stopped at Starbucks for extra coffee and took a wonderful photo. We also left Sarah in the Burgerville parking lot as a joke and then later forgot her for real in the parking lot of an am/pm but we remembered in time to go back before she noticed. She took a disgusting picture of a picture of the insides of a hot dog and was in high spirits.

Near the end of our drive we saw a big gleaming new SUV with a license plate that read: “Heh Jude.”

I am still laughing. We imagined the man being so excited to get his license plate demonstrating how much he loves the Beatles. “I’m sorry sir, Hey Jude is already taken.” “Oh no! Well, hmmm….how else can I spell the word “hey?” How about just “Heh Jude,” is that available” “Yes sir”

We wondered if maybe he should have gone with “H8-t Jude” instead (like H8 minus t) but then realized it looks like “Hate Jude” and so he’d constantly be getting hassled for hating the Beatles when the whole point is the opposite!!

The festival was delightful. Everyone was happy and all the acts were enjoyable. We laughed, we played music, I gave a public lecture on Hildegard that I think went okay and anyway I had fun doing it. We ate beautiful communal dinner together and then Weird Cactus did a DJ set and we danced. And it is always so nice to sleep at Bill and Jenny’s house, it’s so quiet and cold and there are 10 beautiful vintage wool blankets on the bed and you burrow in there like a woodland creature.

On the way home spirits were more subdued, due to a certain one of us being desperately hungover, and due to realizing we had a flat tire first thing in the morning. The old man and I ran to the only open store in town, which was an O’Reilly Auto Parts, while Jae and Katy got coffee and the hungover person stayed in the car, looking glum yet glamorous, so really glumorous. The man at O’Reilly used a calm and confident attitude to sucker us into buying this stuff you squirt into a tire that supposedly seals the puncture, fills the tire, and then you can drive 5 hours all the way back to Portland on it, which just obviously can’t be true but the guy was so comfortingly certain that we went for it. Of course the tire went flat again outside of Burlington. This time we did what we should have done immediately, which was call AAA and ask them if there was an open tire store anywhere within a 50 mile radius of us. There was ONE, and it was exactly 50 miles away. So we unloaded all the gear on the side of the road and changed the flat. Katy and the old man have a wonderfully wise, calm way about them so they did most of the work. I stood around saying encouraging slogans and Jae and Sarah went to McDonalds for french fries and soapy water for hand washing. Oh I did do one helpful thing which was to tell the old man that when you can’t get the lug nuts or whatever loosened you can put the wrench on and then JUMP on it, which is something I learned 11 years ago from when Adam and Jona and I got a flat in the middle of rural Georgia and Adam was just whaling on those lug nuts. Note: doing this while the car is up on the jack will make the car roll off the jack and everyone will scream, so do it before jacking up the car.

Regarding’s HOT TIP of the day

Anyway after what sounds like a horrifying encounter in a seemingly-abandoned yet apparently no-vacancy motel with someone he could only describe as “not human,” the old man washed his hands in the soapy McDonalds water and we were off! Driving 55 on the freeway with a donut on your car is an exercise in humility. We talked about how the car manufacturers should include a bumper sticker in the spare tire kid that says “Don’t Mind Me, I’m Driving On A Donut,” but then we agreed that it would be more efficient for them to just include a giant inflatable donut (that you bolt to the roof of the car) that says “FIGURE IT OUT”

The tire store man informed us that had we not filled the tire with this weird chemical he could’ve patched it but now he can’t and so we had to buy a new tire. CURSES

While we waited we went to a roadside Mexican restaurant that had no business being as good as it was. And we got $3 off our meal because of being customers at the tire store! “This day just keeps getting better,” we declared, and high fives were shared all ’round. Then I related the entire plot of the Keifer Sutherland movie “The Vanishing,” we ate our cool enchiladas, and it was finally time to get back on the road!

After a brief stop in an epic Wal-Mart parking lot because a certain someone thought they might need to barf (luckily averted), we ended up arriving back home only 2 hours behind schedule. Still too late to pick up Mr. Snoopy at boarding school, but not so late that spirits were devastated. The old man and I took long hot baths and talked in incredibly great detail about my plan for commuting to work next year. Then we ate spaghetti and watched Mr. Show and it was a nice time.

Snoopy’s here now and he’s clean from his bath. He is very dumb and also an idiot. I just joined Vine so get ready for some snoopy face gifs.

Now I have to read a book about Postmodernism and I am stressed out because of a 10 page paper I have to write and I forgot about this conference I’m planning and in general UGH! But spring break!

BIKINI WAX

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3 Responses to Heh Jude / Figure It Out

  1. dalas v says:

    I’m digging Snapchat more than Vine. It’s more personal, you feel more OK with being a total goon because you only send the video to people who love you for being a goon and they can only watch it one time.

    Vine is another one of those things where you’re like “She’ll be insulted if I don’t follow her back,” so you follow everyone back and then you can’t possibly watch all the videos in your feed. This isn’t a problem with Snapchat, because if someone sends something to you, they really wanted you to see it.

  2. Mary R. says:

    I would like to apply to dog sit. I have amazing credentials, and would do it for nothing or nearly nothing.

  3. Meg says:

    I would like to second Mary R.

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