Two sweats last night. I am in hell. I had it under control and now it’s gone bananas again. Last night I sweated through all my clothes and the comforter. Got up, toweled off, went back to the wet bed with no clothes on, fell back into a troubled sleep, woke up AGAIN drenched, got up, just wrapped myself in the wet towel, and slept the rest of the night like that. The only good thing is that I’ve been sleeping on the couch so at least I do not have to change the sheets on the bed again. Would rather ruin our crappy couch than our crappy bed.
I don’t know what is happening to my body. Medical testing claims that I am healthy. I want to run and jump and sleep and I can not. As far as global suffering goes it is not so bad but still, we all can only have the problems we have, and right now these are mine. I am wearing long johns because all available sweatpants have been sweated through and are in the wash.
Trying to do half coffee because it seems like that can’t hurt. Is life about slowly giving up everything you love and then dying.
Spending the day researching abstraction in art and music, trying to get prepared for some things. Reading about wind bands across time. Emperor Josef had a great one, it turns out. Also need to watch Metropolis due to teaching it tomorrow but can not get up the desire. Great movie, but I am tired of it. Much like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Easy Rider, two films I hope never to see again, great as they are. On Wednesday I’m teaching Star Wars and am just straight-up not going to watch it. News flash: I have now officially seen Star Wars enough times.
Isn’t it crazy how John Williams’ scores are? And now they are so boring but they were once so crazy. Do you think he and Spielberg chat on the phone for no reason ever? I bet they do.
I am feeling just generally pretty down and bummed out today, my apologies, and not really man enough to grapple with the work I set myself to do today, but I’m going to do it anyway, that’s what you do in this crazy life. I want to go to yoga class and ride a bike and go running but instead I just shuffle around, nursing this fucked up leg that I now believe will never heal. Dreading bedtime and the horrors it seems increasingly likely to bring. I have not slept next to my husband in a week. The dog is a poor substitute, and smells worse, and has sharper claws, and is ruder.
ON THE PLUS SIDE
they cured HIV in that poor old baby
it is spring
there are many fine books to read
it is 2 weeks til spring break
i forgot about the new Dark Tower then remembered it
i bought shoes off ebay
the dog’s foot is healed so now I live vicariously through his leaps and bounds
fun stuff coming up
stuff
other stuff
pizza
have you tried drinking chamomile tea before bedtime?
j/k please neither hate nor murder me!
srsly tho shit. SUX! hmm. so all’s we gotta do is figure out how to SUPER PRE-DRY your PJ’s so like they can absorb tons of water and still be absolutely bone dry. (joke about PJs made from sewn together maxipads goes here).
is there a variant of lycanthropy where instead of monthly turning into a wolf, the sufferer nightly turns into a mummy? Andrew should contract this, and you guys just sleep cuddled up, and everything will be absolutely fine.
problem solved. next!
“dear genius: how do I keep my pooch from chewing on my husband when in his dried-out husk form?”
I recently watched Stargate for the first time ever. I had always assumed that I had seen it, but in fact I had not. The score was very John Williams (but not by him), and I really appreciated what it added to the feel of the movie.
Sage tea! Go to the Herb Shoppe and get a sage blend, or make a one ounce herb to one quart hot water tea, steep overnight, drink and see how it affects you. Even better, take 1/2 ounce of sage and 1/2 ounce of gotu kola because the gotu kola will help with an overactive mind. I notice that you are getting the sweats right around the time you speak of an intense schedule. I know this seems like a lot of herbs, but it’s a medicinal dose. Discontinue or scale back if digestive disturbances occur, or if you just don’t feel good. Follow your hunch on coffee. It takes a lot of health maintenence to be a coffee drinker. At the very least, go 1:1 on coffee and water always, and know that you are supporting acidic conditions in your body by drinking coffee. Alkalizing is the best way to avoid disease. Email me if you want me to send a really great acid/alkaline food list. Love your writing, hope you feel better!
Do you have a hyperactive thyroid? This is my latest hunch on your health front.