One of the delights of being a not-super-organized person is that you’re constantly discovering things you’d forgotten about. Just now, I’m going through my notebook from last year, prepping discussion questions for my class this coming year, and in said notebook (in between notes on Genesis and notes on Plato) I find some notes I took while drunkenly watching an episode of Shark Week. I can’t remember if I ever typed these up, so here you go:
“He never thought it could happen to HIS family” voiceover; title reads: Gerald Bock: SURF DAD
“The Bock family never thought it could happen to them…AGAIN.”
Voiceover guy talking about police officer who was on the scene when the Bock kid got bitten by a shark the first time. “Despite all of their precautions…because of a SHARK…they WILL meet again.” GOB Bluth could be delivering these lines
Affectless child victim: “The shawk bit me right in the back I was vewy vewy scawed”
This cop is REAL into his “four wheeler and dune buggy” he keeps reffing it
Kid is clearly stoked to have been first respondent to two shark attacks, not traumatized as perhaps I would be
(constant sexy music??)
COOL JET SKI RESCUE!!!!! Helicopter speed boat!
Actual headline about the incident takes me a full five minutes to piece together grammatically: “SURF DREAM BLOW”
“all the warnings in the world won’t stop diehards from catching waves”
(this is so much like Odenkirk on Crime Stoppers)
These police officers are so annoyed! Constantly telling people that sharks like to come feed in this one very small stretch of beach and the people go in anyway! Interview with really annoying Traditional Ol’ Hippie: “I know there’s sharks but I have a heightened perception of what’s going on around me” that’s so great for the cops who have to go hold somebody’s guts in
Cop: “It’s just this one half mile of beach! Please just go half a mile down the beach instead!”
Why is there a human skeleton in Virginia Beach volunteer rescue squad office? Never explained
Oh thank god, a dramatization in which the actual people re-enact what happened to them on that fateful day!
“Lookin forward to sittin on the beach, reading some books, and havin a coupla cold beverages” SHARK ATTACK HERO RELIVES HIS GREATEST MOMENT
“WOW. I did not think I’d see this place again…….for ten or fifteen years”
“I felt its big body and its amazingly disgusting skin, it felt like sandpaper, the skin a beast is supposed to have.” Holy shit this traumatized Russian shark victim is FUCKING AWESOME, am I actually crying during Shark Week? Her boyfriend was literally eaten by a shark! “I never thought our bodies might go separately.” SOBBING
Australian shark rescue force! IT’S THE BOBBIES OR WHATEVER!
“they represent some of what Australia is all about, and that’s going to the aid of others.” Really, is that what australia is all about? Seems like every country thinks this about itself and every individual would do it for another, yet collectively we all still act like asswipes–HOLY FUCKING SHIT, the Australian “surf lifesavers’ is Hilarious, they are all wearing ketchup/mustard colors and BEANIES, they look like hot dog on a stick
Now back to Plato
BACK TO PLATO INDEED.