Yes, Zot raises the interesting point that is how scary God is, too. Sure, maybe stuff all has meaning but what if that meaning is a sucky one? The idea of God is super scary, especially once you read the Old Testament and it’s like, “Moses, go to Egypt” and Moses is like “Ok” and then on his way there God tries to kill him but at the last moment Moses’s wife chops off their son’s foreskin and throws it on Moses’s feet and then God is like “Oh sorry.”
I can’t really imagine reading that and being like “Ah yes there is truly meaning in my life.” Then again, probably nobody does. I think people pick and choose, which is fine I guess.
Also there’s a reason the Jews are so much more known for debate and dialogue than the Christians. If the Old Testament was your holy book you’d simply have to be open to interpretation and argument. Because otherwise nothing in there will make a single lick of sense. The part where Rachel steals all her father’s stuff but then when he comes to her tent to confront her about it she sits on the stuff and says she has her period, so then he’s like “Oh sorry”??? Indeed, a lesson we can all learn much from. Whereas the New Testament, while still bonkers, is very straightforward, in comparison. Do this, don’t do that. Here’s how to be a good person. Jesus is explicable to modernity, as a character, whereas the people and God(s) in the Old Testament are not. The Old Testament has that insanely long part that’s just about how to build a temple? And then you forget that after the 10 Commandments there’s like 40 more pages of injunctions that are like “If you shall dig a pit and your neighbor’s ox shall fall into it therein you shall pay him the price of two oxen. However if the oxen be not marked then only one ox-price shalt thou pay.” Dudes were sincerely trying to form a civilization, and there’s no way to do that but getting the price of various oxen and the penalties of various crimes set in stone (LITERALLY). I totally forgot about all the ox-pricing and temple-blueprints when I wrote my syllabus last year and my students were so pissed. “What’s this supposed to MEAN?” they asked. I said “Well, what do YOU think?” Which is what you say to your students when you don’t know the answer to a question they’ve asked. If they persist, you get annoyed and tell them their homework is to look it up.
That’s why they pay me the big bucks.
If I had to pick one religion to be a member of I guess I would pick Buddhism. I would be a terrible, terrible Buddhist. I’m cursed because my psychological profile is equal parts the hectoring judgmentalism of a Christian and the rigidly subscribed-to rationalism of a world-weary post-WWII man of science.
I really resonate with that part in Broadcast News when Holly Hunter’s boss snidely and angrily says to her “It must be difficult, always knowing what everyone else ought to be doing” and Holly Hunter’s eyes well up with tears and she replies “Oh..it’s HORRIBLE,” as though the boss was being compassionate and she’s so glad someone finally understands
Why Can’t I:
Keep my office tidy
Remember to take a vitamin
Exercise every day
Stop kissing the snoopy on his face
So everyone’s all excited that I get benefits next year. Health insurance! So great! But how fucked up is it that my benefits involve me paying $360 a month for me and the old man to be covered? It’s so sad that we’re so excited to finally get to pay only an outrageous amount of money for something that should be free, rather than an insupportably vast amount. Hooray! Technically we’ll be making more money next year than this year, but when you factor in $360 a month it’s actually less. Still, a man’s got to go to the doctor to finally get this bum leg x-rayed. What are you gonna do. Hooray for America
I finished the M.R. James stories. They got pretty boring but it’s not fair to judge them because they weren’t really intended to be read all at once but rather recited on Christmas Eve over a glass of brandy. So many of them involve gentle parish churches accidentally unleashing unholy evils! You guys, DO NOT pry out that altar stone that’s been there since the 12th century!!!
Next up is the new Mark Leyner book. I’m a huge Leyner fan–he’s a sort of proto DFW, or at least he feels that way to me because I discovered him first. He took fourteen years off after his last novel and now here’s the new one. I don’t have high hopes. I glanced at the first chapter and it looks like Leyner sort of aping Leyner, trying to outdo Leyner. It’s maybe crossed the line from brilliant into precious and self-conscious. But we’ll see. Remember that great story about Leyner, where he went into a bookstore and said “I’m Mark Leyner and do you want me to sign all my books?” And the bookstore was stoked, and said yes, of course, and he signed all his books. Then the next day he came back to the bookstore in a really obviously phony disguise and said he was some other author–I wish I could remember who–and did they want him to sign all his books? And the bookstore totally got into the joke and let him sign all of this other guy’s books. I’d love to get one of those books, with the author’s name signed in Mark Leyner’s handwriting. That is a very weird funny joke that I respect.
Also next up is the new China Mieville, which looks promising although his shit is super hit or miss for me. The hits are such huge hits that you are astounded but then the misses are like, what? Kind of like Neal Stephenson. Yes, I did just harsh on Neal Stephenson, commence death threats in 3-2-1…
(please don’t)
Steve comes back on Saturday, thank god
I made a really mediocre rhubarb cake. A few weeks ago I made an incredibly good one, but now I somehow can’t find the recipe I used!! What?! So I made some other recipe. What a disappointment! Poor me!
The other day walking downtown we were walking behind a dude limping along on crutches. Two big ol’ guys waiting for the MAX across the street started laughing and yelling “HEY CRIPPLE” at him and then laughing at each other each time one of them said it. The kid just kept grimly crutching along. So, that happened.
We’ve also slowly realized that the people at the dog park gossip about us. I mean, they gossip about everyone, but lately there have been comments made that have revealed to us that the source of their gossip concerning us in particular is their belief that our dog is too ball-focused, and doesn’t play enough with the other dogs. Basically there’s this little cadre of people who go there at the same time every day, and stand in a little group and talk incessantly about their dogs. Then there are a few satellite people, like us and these rad people whose dog is the snoopy’s special friend, and some sort of loner weirdos with like super aggressive standard poodles or this one lady who thinks it’s funny that her dog constantly humps all the other dogs, which, I don’t know if you have ever been to a dog park, but the humping thing is super socially awkward. Much like I bet it’s awkward when you’re a parent and you’re in the position of having to tell somebody else’s kid to stop doing something totally egregious. Anyway, so there’s this whole crew, and everyone knows all the dogs’ names but nobody knows the names of any of the people, which is really weird. So when they gossip about us they must say things like “The snoopy’s owners clearly don’t bring him to the park enough” or “The snoopy stole Bobby’s ball yesterday and wouldn’t give it back” and then they all cluck and tut. And then they make little asides to each other at the park that we can overhear. Anyway once we figured out that they gossip about us we started gossiping furiously about all of them and their shitty dogs.
DOG TALK
Katy and I have a two-synth band now and it’s awesome, we’re trying to sound like Depeche Mode but more often we sound like Ween. “Try to make it sound like Enya…nope, still Ween”
I really want to buy a good synth but they are so expensive and I can’t really justify it. I should be focused on buying a real piano but I have nowhere to put one. POOR ME, nowhere to put a piano!
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I read through this whole post and there was no pizza stuff! What gives?
People at the dog park are the WORST.
My friend has a 110 lb Rottweiler that is constantly trying to sit in people’s laps at the dog park, because he is sweet like that, but he keeps on crushing little old ladies almost to death.
you should not buy a synth but rather a good midi controller with weighted keys lots of octaves and just play the synths and pianos in your garageband or whatever on your computer
its like waay cheaper
drpizza makes a good point, but I would love to talk about synths with you, since I am pretty obsessed with them. This is a cool option that you could use with the midi controller you would buy: http://www.davesmithinstruments.com/products/tetra/