Snoopy Party: BYOB

Mr. Puppets

I promise that I will not become one of those people who talks obsessively about their dog. Maybe.

His first night home he was a real trooper. He got in his crate and uttered not one peep until 6:30 a.m. at which point he woke up with an abrupt “GROWF!” We were like “oh jesus.” Then last night he went into his crate and uttered many peeps, increasing in intensity from peeps to whines to yelling. What a bad boy! He misses his brothers. Or really, who knows. The doggy mind is not for us to plumb the depths of. If we lived in a house perhaps we would have let him cry it out a bit more, à la the advice of César Millan the Dog Whisperer, but we have neighbors, so finally I went out and lay down on the couch and stuck my fingers through the crate and told him somewhat sternly to shut his mouth and he did. I slept on the couch and he made not a peep and stayed quiet until I chose to get up, at 8:30. So does this mean if he’s in the room with us he’ll do what we do? I don’t know. His crate doesn’t fit in our bedroom. It is truly a mystery.

So far he SEEMS to know where he’s supposed to pee (out by the garbage can out back), knock on wood. He has only pooped twice. Does he only need to poop once per day? That doesn’t seem like enough but that’s what’s happening.I wish so much he would poop in the same place he pees, and that he would do it first thing in the morning, instead of on his second morning walk. How can I make him do this? Maybe the obedience school lady can tell us. I just don’t get how people with real jobs make this happen on a reliable and good schedule.

I think he is smart.He can sit so good already, and he can sort of stay. He’s sort of getting “come here.” He’s starting to get his name.

Each day he is a new dog. The first day he was cowed and respectful and careful, his tail down, his eyes emo. The next day he was happy! Hello good MOOOORNING! When I came back from band practice he pitched a fucking fit, just like a good dog, that thing where you feel like you are beloved more than any person has ever been beloved on this earth. Wagging his whole body. “OH MY GOD YOU CAME HOME!!!! HOLY SHIT”

Today he is a bit of a cad. Trying to entice me to play by nipping my hand, which is BAAAD. Although he is walking a bit better on the leash now. He knows sit pretty well and it seems so far like a good way of calming him down. He sits and gets quiet. Then you give him a hug. He’s a great hugger.

His favorite thing to do thus far is to get as close to you as he physically can and then flop down so that he’s laying with as much of his body touching yours as possible. Then he rolls on his back and goes into dreamy submissive mode where he gazes into your eyes and lets you make jokes about his paw being your moustache. He likes a real soft belly rub and he will lay there pretty much for as long as you’ll let him. He is deeply lazy thus far–after about 4 p.m. he conks out to the max and it is very hard to rouse him. Literally lifting his head up in both your hands and turning it to face you and using your thumbs to pry his eyes open and still he won’t open them, he just keeps sleeping. I know he is going to change a lot in the coming days/weeks but it would be SO AMAZING if we just got a weird mellow lazy dog. This is what the shelter claimed he was. We’ll see. He’s a bit more rowdy today. I anticipate more rowdy teenagerness and increased chewing. So far he is hardly chewing at all, which doesn’t seem right. I’m like, is it diminishing my humanity that I am standing in the kitchen thinking deeply about how to stuff a Kong exactly correctly so that it will entice him the most??

I called the obedience school. How legit is it that the humane society gives you a voucher for basically free obedience classes? Very legit. They want your dog to do a good job so that you will like him and keep him. It is such a great organization. Also, how much do you love going into a nice humane society? There’s always like six cats and a parakeet rambling around in the office, and some sick bulldog underneath the reception desk or something. It’s like Dr. Doolittle. Such nice people.

This little shit head was climbing the walls and making everyone in there laugh so hard. He climbed up a whole rack of t-shirts and then fell off and then ran to the desk, jumped up onto the fish tank, and yelled out the window. WHAT A TOOL. Then in the actual cat room there are all these crazy cat mansions where the cats are hanging out in hammocks, literally swinging in a hammock! Big old fat unimpressed cat! Overheard 5 year old child: “Momma that’s a BIG CAT.”

The dog section is always more emo because dogs, being more like people and yet also being a thousand times more high maintenance than cats, are housed in more squalid circumstances AND dislike it more. They are all so worried. The worried dog is such a deeply tragic creature. The cats aren’t worried. The cats are either like “This sucks, fuck you,” or they’re asleep. But the dogs are worried. Is this their life? Who do they love? Does anyone love them? What does God want of them? BARK BARK BARK BAAAAARK!!!!!! Echoing in the terrible concrete vault. There was the depressed beagely guy, who you could see in his eyes went to another place when someone approached his cage. His eyes were schizophrenic eyes. But then you’d see him outside and he was just a normal dude. There was the terrified old schnauzer who sat in his bed shivering and shivering but trying so hard to keep it together as you approached, like he knew he needed to try to greet you and not go apeshit. It’s hard being a dog.

Our snoopy is such a dumb little hoggy man. He is scared of the weirdest things. He has overcome his fear of fire hydrants but now he doesn’t like any stationary weird object. Such as things on a playground. He is also really weird about other people. Every single time he sees a person on his walk, he stops dead in his tracks, like, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.” The other person is invariably all “hey buddy! hey guy!” and Franklin’s like “HOLY SHIT WHAT?????” Just stock-still, amazed. We need to get him into those classes so he can start socializing more.

Walking a dog gives you this awareness of this whole other aspect of being in the world. As a lone person I rarely noticed dogs particularly, but now I am intricately aware of the pit bull across the street and 2 blocks up who is coming toward us. I’m aware of him because he and Franklin are so aware of each other. I’m noticing dogs and owners and having this wide-eyed newbie desire to stop them and be like “HOW DO YOU GET YOUR DOG TO POOP” or whatever. I’ve already spoken to two sets of strangers, due to Franklin. People–even without dogs–want to stop and talk to you about your dog. It’s interesting. An older couple told us he wasn’t going to get any bigger and then a lady the next day told us he was going to get enormous. People have opinions about leashes and collars and food. On his first day home Franklin made friends with a hilariously fat old beagle named Ivy. They walked up and Gary and I were all nervous. “We’ve only had this dog for 2 hours, we don’t know what he’ll be like around dogs!” and Ivy’s owner said “Oh, she’s an old mother,” in this voice that was like, Ivy can handle anything. And indeed, Ivy came up to Franklin like no big deal, and Franklin was like “uh….oh my god…uh…….uh……HI, OKAY I GUESS I AM DOING THIS” and Ivy just said “it’s cool, smell my butt young man,” and he did, and then all was well. I wish you could rent an Ivy to come live in your house for your first week with a puppy. She’d show him the ropes in about two seconds I bet.

My mom called this morning to see how it was going and then suddenly somehow it was 20 minutes later and I was still talking about the ingredients in his dog food. My mom at one point said “oh god, I’m so glad I don’t have a dog.”

1. Is it possible he only poops once a day? Is that normal?

2. Right now we are kind of periodically crating him, to chill him out and keep him used to being in there. This is what you’re supposed to do, right?

3. Suggestions for tuckering your dog out? Right now we play catch and tug but I would love other suggestions for getting his cardio in. When he’s a grownup we can do things like go jogging, or go to the dog park and play long-toss without a leash, but right now we can’t do those things, because he doesn’t know how to be on the leash good, and we don’t trust him yet to go to a dog park. Really all I want to do is snuggle him and tug on his ears but I know it is also my job to engage him and tucker him out.

I just made him a vet appointment, and in looking through his paperwork from the shelter I came across his personality rating. It made me so proud! It’s in the form of a checklist. “Cleanliness: Never a mess? Urine marks only? Rarely a mess? Sometimes a mess, but never stepped in? Messy smears?” Franklin got “Sometimes a mess, but never stepped in,” which I am fine with. A dainty fellow. Then there’s “Accepts stroking; exhibits positive social behavior” and “calm/gentle” and “relaxed/other” and under “Examination of teeth” he got “mild struggle; able to examine,” which I take to mean he’s not a pushover. Under “Verbal reprimand” he got the best one: “Responds immediately, acts sorry.”

Then they do these tests where they simulate things that happen with children to see how the dogs do. They poke them and grab them abruptly and step on their feet and make sudden loud noises, then they rate the dogs for possible child-friendliness. Franklin got STRAIGHT A’s on that one. “Thigh tweak: no reaction. Accidental step on paw: no reaction. Tail pull: no reaction. Ear tug: no reaction.”

He has only “moderate” interest in toys, which I too have noticed. His grooming requirements are “minimal.” He needs “moderate” exercise–neither “minimal” nor “rigorous.” My baby!

I also love “Food Bowl Evaluation: No Problems” and “Jump Around and Play, Then Stop Abruptly: Mild–hunkers down a little, nervous.”

Poor little squid.

Well, that’s about enough of that. I am so glad I already wrote my conference paper because right now I can’t imagine concentrating on anything for very long. It’s really fun. ALTHOUGH I also look forward to when it just becomes normal and he’s just a part of the family and I’m not obsessively staring at him.

My mom has this story about when I was born and their friend Wally was visiting, and she would say–not at all as a joke–“Wally, do you want to go look at the baby?” and Wally would do it, but after a few times, he said, “Look, I’ll do it, but you can’t make me love her as much as you do.”

I know it is the same for dogs. Or really for anything that is a big deal for you but not for anyone else. So, no more extensive snoopy posts. Although I will keep you updated on interesting developments–and I will try to comprehend what is interesting to you and not just to me (i.e. his poop schedule is probably only interesting to me).

ISN’T HE HANDSOME THOUGH????????

I have had moments of terror, like, oh shit what have we done. But at the same time, we’ve done it, and there’s no going back, so I’m just going to embrace this new journey. That’s how you have to get through life, I think.