You Are All Jealous Of Me

Any moment now, my dearest life friend Steve is going to drive up to my house in a rented car and I am going to give him a hit of pure sweet espresso! I looked forward to this moment in Paris and now it is actually happening. Then tomorrow dearest life friend Katy and newest life friend Nicole will pull up to my house in an additional rented car and I will give them additional espresso hits if required (Katy sometimes has a perverse preference for tea, which I also stocked up on because I am a thoughtful person). Then the day after THAT, we will drive (with Mr. Beardo of course, never leave a man behind) to a random cabin on a random bluff in the middle of the randomest state in the union, where we will meet dearest life friends Jake, Jamie, and Dave, and then we will drink approximately 40 beers and eat approximately 40 veggie wieners and tell approximately 40 jokes and play approximately 40 UB40 songs on the guitar.

Freunion 2010 shall be the beginning of a glorious yearly tradition lasting until we are all dead!!!!!!

Dave isn’t bringing his toddler, which I think is stupid. Also his dog (not bringing), also stupid. Also of course his wife, dearest life friend of all of us. Who must stay home due to being pregnant. LAMESVILLE!!!!

These friends are cool people, I wish you knew them all. They are very funny and very weird individuals who have followed a surprisingly wide variety of life paths, although as yet none have become rich or republicans, which is something that happened to my mom’s college friend group (most dramatically in the form of one extremely famous friend who shall remain nameless, like Voldemort, because I don’t want to get put on the Patriot Act No-Fly List Go USA). I wish some of them would become rich so they could “help me out” when the time comes for me to abandon my academic dreams and finally start that vegan pancake restaurant.
Afternoon coffee makes me sick and jittery, but it is the price you must pay if you’ve been unable to stay up past 9:30 or sleep past 6:00 a.m. for the past 3 days due to jet lag, and now you have all these friends coming into town to party so hard. PLEASE WORK, TERRIBLE AFTERNOON COFFEE.

In college I also went to bed legendarily early and was roundly mocked for like 10 years for it, usually by Le Forkner. I fight this side of my nature but usually I lose. I’m an early bird. I like to get the worm. “Worm” means “coffee.”

It certainly doesn’t mean “work.”

I am such a lazy S.O.B.

My to-do list has “finish dissertation” and “write conference paper” at the top of it but instead I am doing the items on the bottom of it, which are “feed worms,” “buy heavy glasses like from Mad Men” and “watch more Mad Men.”

You know the best part of my Paris trip? I MISSED GAME DAY.
OMG STEVE IS HERE
I HAVE TO GO YOU GUYS