Now I am really “in the soup,” that’s for sure. “Oh, second year!” everyone says, and they are right. My days are spent frantically cramming various things inside of my skull, my nights are spent frantically scribbling various things down on “paper” (i.e. “the internet”) and sending them to the various people to whom I am accountable for my accumulating knowledge. I have already gone through five of the expensive “fancy pens” I unfortunately became addicted to while in charge of ordering office supplies at my last job. I sleep 6 hours a night, which for me is very normal, yet how tired I am! Luckily, I continue intermittent jogging. I have not had time in nearly 3 weeks to:
-sign up for yoga
-clean my bathroom
-wash the dishes (luckily I’m not eating here much)
-take the enormous stack of notebooks and scores off my kitchen table
-feed Bird more than once a day (he does not like this)
-get a haircut
-sweep
Katy just called and we were both exhausted and so we just laughed at each other and repeated words over and over again and then I read her the wikipedia entry for “burning man.” Then she said Chris Walla was calling her and she had to get off. Then she called back immediately to apologize for getting off so abruptly, and then she said, “all right, someone’s calling me again, I gotta get off.” Now I am still smiling and laughing to myself like an idiot alone in my apartment. “I’m lying on the ground,” I told Katy. “Lying?” she said, “ground?”
On the bus I read a book about gregorian chant and then I read a New Yorker article about redwood trees. On the way home I read about scientific developments in childbirth since the 30’s. I also missed my stop and had to walk 6 blocks backward. I bought bread and mineral water and now I am lying on the ground. In four minutes I have to get in my car and drive back to school (basically) to watch a silent film screening that will probably rule. I am having a hard time thinking thoughts.
“And oh how I burned, Lord.”
I miss my brother and Bird, who is in another one of his manic states where he stays up all night choreographing modern dance routines and “snacking.” Then in the morning there are the crushed boobs and the staring like a gargoyle. “Don’t he never sleep?” Oh, and I got a mole removed. They’re biopsying it, to see if it’s cancer. “I’m certain it’s not,” said the incredibly attractive young female doctor who sawed it off my chest with a miniature hacksaw while I held my breath and felt vaguely faint. Earlier she called in her supervisor, another incredibly attractive, young, this time male doctor, who looked at my boobs and told me he thinks my body “just makes weird moles.”
That is an awesome thing to hear your doctor say. A lot awesomer than “this is melanoma,” which I am hoping i don’t hear on the phone when they call me in a week.
The place where the mole was is now an itchy, tender, red, mildly gross place on my body that Bird also never fails to step on. It’s like he wants me to suffer. he also sleeps in between my feet so I can’t roll over. I awaken sweaty and with aching legs. But it’s worth it, because he has a funny crook-eye and often falls down while trying to get on my lap.
I am so tired I can’t see the screen. It’s like that time I smoked too much killer bud at the Allman Brothers concert and I had to lay down while Steve and Jake watched over me and then I thought bats were going to kill me. Then later I was lifted out of my mortal terror by a truly wicked guitar solo, which was making Jake laugh really hard. Many people don’t realize that’s how World War II was won.
I taught Hildegard today in my section. You will be pleased to know, no doubt, that yes I did tell the story of them digging her up centuries later and carving her name on each of her bones, then burying her again in the velvet sack, then hundreds of years later digging her up again, and gilding her name in silver on each of her bones, and then putting her bone-sack in a different special box, and then maybe the box getting lost for a century or so, and now I can’t remember where it is but I wish I owned it.
I also played a version of a Hildegard chant that has slap-bass, drum machine, and cool synth effects like “Northern Wind” on it. It was an important lesson in historical accuracy in performance practice. Also in cool synth effects.
“cool synth effects” is my new band name.
It is a well known fact that dermatologists are the most attractive people in medicine. I do not know the reason for this, but it has proven true time and time again. They are a beautfiul species, those dermatologists. Also, incredibly smart.
Aaahh,now I am really scared,as new moles pop up on my body every year. Better find some health insurance. I am also relieved to know that “maybe my body just produces wierd moles”,too.
Thnaks for the Teddy blog!!!!!!!!!
is katy working with chris walla?
Ah, second year! Just remember that things will never be this rough again. Granted, I went through your pain when I was a grad student at a different university, but still, I get it. One seasoned grad student told me that the only way to survive is to have a drink with dinner. I don’t know about that one. But remember, things get better. Post-MA exams, you take maybe one seminar a quarter, you TA, and you think about the future. It’s a nice feeling.