Well I am your average college student. Sleep deprived.
I feel like my body has been in some sort of blurry twilight stage for the past 2 months. When I used to REQUIRE 8-10 hours of sleep to even casually function, I now have to deal with 3. It hurts and it’s confusing for my poor body, but it needs to be done.
I’ve got class at 8am, which means I need to be alive at 6am when the night before I was up til 3 either doing work or when my social life takes control of the situation. Yesterday was one of these days. I was running off of about 2.5 hours of sleep. That’s 150 minutes. Or 9,000 SECONDS. That’s it! 9,000 seconds of shut-eye where I wasn’t even able to reach my REM cycle or whatever it’s called. I took a shower before I went to bed and when I woke up my hair was still completely wet. The dark circles under my eyes were more like two black eyes but without gaining street cred.
NOTHING makes sense when you are sleep-deprived. The height of the stair that you just tripped on is definitely at least 2 inches higher than it was yesterday. The inner-workings of a computer are absolutely not explained in anything that even resembles english. Where did my notebook go that I set down literally 2 seconds ago? Where is my mind? Whose hands are these connected to MY arms?! Okay, joking about that last bit, but really! Everything is frustrating when you’re tired. Everyone who speaks a little too slow or who laughs too loud makes you want to wring their neck. I don’t know about you guys but when I’m tired, I have severe thoughts. Like smashing my cup of coffee into the keyboard of a computer and crying and then punching a kitten. I have to literally cross my arms or in my sleep-deprived haze of life I will not be able to control myself. I will just sit their with my arms crossed thinking evil thoughts and then I will think, “wait did I just say that outloud?” I don’t even know.
Is this an issue?
Should I visit the school counselor about this? I don’t even remember what type of person I am when I’m NOT sleep-deprived because even in those sweet nuggets of life where I happen to get more than 5 hours of sleep– my body is like
WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? SLEEP?!
And doesn’t know what to do with it so I end up waking up anyways or just rolling around in bed feeling restless and antsy and despising the itching under my eye-lids that is just too unbearable to even shut my eyes.
ON top of walking around like a cranky 3 year-old zombie every day and never having enough time in the day to actually get all of my work done and let’s not even TALK about how coffee doesn’t wake me up anymore- I need to find a job. Something that seems relatively impossible in this city unless you just happen to know someone who knows someone who is especially special, or something like that.
I am a completely qualified shining star in the work force, except I’m not in the work force. I have the same experience that just about every other 20-something year-old has: waitress, retail, barista, customer service, sales, child-care, nanny. GREAT, nothing special about me. Okay wait yeah right, I am completely special. I have all of that normal work experience but OH MY GOD, I can make people/customers feel special and that ain’t normal in the day-to-day hustle’n’bustle of life. I can multi-task and suck it up and do work that I don’t want to do but will do it anyways to benefit my work place as a whole. YEAH that’s right I can be a selfless happy worker. How often do you find that anymore? I will be your seasonal slave, woops I mean employee, and you will actually want to keep me when new years comes and goes and you will BEG me to not take that high-paying job in France designing abstract costumes for conceptual theatre.
GOD unemployment sucks when your life demands that you spend money. Money sucks, some days I want to throw everything away and live in a yurt in the forest with naked hippies and build fires and bathe in the river and kill my own food (yes, a carnivorous hippie I would be).
Where did I hear/read this, that your STUFF owns you? Or you ARE the stuff you own? I don’t remember exactly what it was but something along those lines and it made me think oh shit, is that true? Am I really just a pile of clothes and nicknacks and a macbook and a few sewing machines and a bunch of other useless shit? Just thinking about it makes me claustrophobic and embarrassed about owning so much shit.
Where was I going with this?
Alright, enough is enough– I have about half as much homework as I usually do this afternoon and so now I’m going to procrastinate and watch Ma Vie En Rose without the subtitles and see how far I get.