I’m in Denver. I arrived Friday night and was promptly swooped up to the mountains by my two best besties (who I cannot think of pseudonyms for. Do I need to make a pseudonym for everyone? Ahab thinks I do- she says it makes my posts more tantalizing, but that may be more suited for new dates rather than old friends. I dunno. Also I’ve referred to many of these people by their real names over the years, seems funny to change now, but then I do see her point. Pseudonyms are exciting.) Anyway, we went straight from the ‘port to Breckenridge where we spent the weekend drinking champagne, sitting by an alpine pool, and eating- in various combinations. Amazing! Every time the three of us hang out I eventually get real sentimental along the “you guys are like my sisters- I don’t know what I’d do without you” line, to which they respond, depending on their levels of intoxication and tolerance, with similar proclamations of lifelong devotion or punches in the butt. Both are acceptable.
Back in Denver I was able to spend an evening with Moose, another deep, old, and great friend. You can find many references to him in the archives. We were camp counselors together twelve years ago and though we live thousands of miles apart and go years between visits when we do see each other we’re able to immediately bridge the time and distance and get right to the real talk. We spent a good few hours sitting on the front stoop of the house where he was staying, while mosquitos bit the hell out of my back (through my shirt!), and confided and reassured in turns. Such a gift.
But before that we went to the bar with his hosts, who also happened to be old camp folk. They are engaged, after meeting at camp and seeing each other for the better part of the last six years. I don’t presume to know much about their relationship, but they did say that he was classically uncommunicative and under affectionate for a good few years in the beginning of their relationship, which eventually resulted in a brief break up. On reuniting he committed himself to being more openly appreciative and expressive as evidenced by the following:
He proposed on a Wednesday. He presented her with a ring and a bicycle- two great gifts, right? Before they went to bed that night she joked, “You really outdid yourself today. What are you going to do next Wednesday?” And thus began a weekly ritual wherein he proposes to her, in a special way, every Wednesday. Some weeks she finds a poem in her purse, or a piece of cake with a “Will you marry me?” post it on the plate. I asked how long the proposals would continue. Would they go all the way up until their wedding day, a year from now? “They’ll go on forever,” he said, while she nodded. Forever!! It’s his way of ensuring he stays true to his promise to be open and loving, and anyway he enjoys the creative challenge.
I present this anecdote to all of us- single, married, co-habitating, casually dating, polyamorous, stuck, free- as a beacon. It can be like that. I know many examples of loving, long-term relationships of course. I just so appreciate the sustained, loving intention that goes into this weekly gesture. I wish they would start a twitter account with which they could chronicle the proposals. I would follow those tweets! But sharing them out is beside the point, I suppose. I hope their tradition does continue, but even if it peters out one day what a great way to start a marriage!