some new age bullshit

The sun is out, the flowers are blooming, the people are riding their bicycles. Spring cleaning is such a ritual because whenever the season rolls around again it Feels Like The Time. TIme to look under your bed at the things you’ve been burying, check your closets for the things you’ve been hiding, and peek into the pantry for the things you’ve been hoarding. You open the blinds and let the sun in and Decide; what do I want to hang on to, and what do I want to let go? I’m speaking physically and metaphysically of course, and I’m not intending to be preachy. It just seems like the people I know, including myself, are taking inventory right now and hauling out the trash. When I look around my room my belongings comfort me, but also seem oppressive. I love my tee shirts, but do I really need to keep them all? I love to look at my friends, but their framed pictures crowd every surface. This time of year I know I can put them away without forgetting what they look like. And internally I’m trying to clean up too. It’s great that I’m sensitive. I can empathize with my students and my friends when they are feeling low. I can identify and communicate my own feelings in a pretty deliberate way. But all of our strengths can also be curses. I take things too personally sometimes, and I tend to overreact when my feelings are hurt. I want to clean house, but I don’t know how to let go of the one without compromising the other. I want to sweep that tendency to magnify sad feelings right out the door, but still hang on to my ability to connect deeply with other people. It’s tricky business! Maybe the two issues are not as related as I think. My goal this season is to find out- to catch myself before I get too dark and take a look at the source of my sadness. Does my reaction match the cause of it? If not, what can I do to feel more peaceful?
Spring Cleaning, man!!!
Applying for jobs does not need to be an emotional process. Negotiating the terms of a still-pretty-new relationship shouldn’t require me to become overwrought. Good things are happening, more good things will happen soon. Time spent worrying is just that: time spent worrying. What does it get me? Lately when I find myself getting stressed I have been repeating the words “positive self-talk” in my head over and over until I calm down. It’s pretty funny, really. I’m not thinking, “I’m going to be a success,” or “Everything will be okay.” I am literally thinking “positive self-talk.” What kind of new age hippie am I? I need a better affirmation.