teaching is a cut-throat field

I’m tempted to write fiction right now, as things in my life are pretty topsy-tervy and blogging about them seems inappropriate/overwhelming. The job hunt is in full swing. Or rather it would be if I was not paralyzed by anxiety and unable to apply for any district openings. Some people in my cohort have already landed jobs, and many are interviewing with nearby districts. Granted, most of these people are bilingual and/or total overachievers but still. After my poor showing at the job fair I really need to pump up the jam. The whole application process seems designed to make people hate the world of education. Districts are trying to streamline their hiring processes through this website called EdZapp. In theory applicants can upload all of their materials to that site, which will then disperse them to hiring districts. Sounds great, right? Just pop over your resume, cover letter, professional recommendations, character references, background check, undergraduate and graduate transcripts, teaching license, and Praxis Test scores, and voila! You’re on your way to a glamourous teaching position! Except that most districts require their own unique additional materials. Like a handwriting sample, perhaps. Or a professional autobiography. Or maybe you’d like to answer these six questions in excruciating detail, only to lose them when the site logs you off moments before you upload them. Not to mention the hoops EdZapp itself makes you jump through. Filling out THEIR stupid supplemental application took me upwards of seven hours because of just plain shitty programming.
Then, once you have everything uploaded and ready to go (which I do not), you must check the site many, many times each day because districts will post their jobs and then close them the next day. Or they will post them and then change the materials required five days later, so if you’ve already applied you now must resubmit with 10 more essays and a backflip. But even if you do get it all in on time, chances are the district won’t look at your app unless you buy “Zapps” from EdZapp, which puts your application at the top of the pile. Ah, capitalism.
So yeah. I’m procrastinating like a mad woman. I bought five Zapps, but I should buy at least 10 more. I have half of my materials up, but I’m waiting on letters of rec and test scores and transcripts. And I have yet to write an essay. I’m sick of essays. I just want a fucking job! I don’t actually feel anxious at the moment, just incredible run down. I’m in the midst of my solo teaching, which is going incredibly well, but I’ve got this gloomy cloud looming over me that’s like, “So what? You still don’t know where you’re going to work in the fall.” It’s seeping into the rest of my life in a most unwelcome way. I’m just generally more tender, which manifests itself in a myriad of ways. Like getting emo at Costco and having to go lie down in Steve’s car because the lights were buzzing too much in the warehouse. Charming right? And I’m not even scratching the surface here!
This weekend I’m just going to sequester myself with my ipod and some coffee, and crank shit out. I have Monday off too, which will help. But if you are my friend, and you think I am a distracted mess when we hang out, or if I have forgotten to call you back, or if I have started to cry during an episode of ANTM, or if I have sent you an email that seemed especially bleak, or if you are a perfect heart reader and you are disappointed my my infrequent and somewhat pithy entries, I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll have a job by August…