Perfect Heart Lifted

Lou Reed had it when he sang, “I’ve been set free at last.”
Yesterday was Mega Trasition Day. My job ended, both at school and as a nanny. I bought my car. My cold/death infection peaked and then began to recede. And Jake came to town and owned up. Here’s how it went down:
We play phone tag all day, trying to plan a neutral way to meet. I get progressivly angrier as he uses phrases like, “grab a beer and say hi.” We make a plan, finally. I pick him up at Holocene, where the Dirty Projectors have just finished a sound check. I don’t let him hug me. We go to Nicolas’s for dinner. Neither of us can really eat, due to Extreme Nerves. We make small talk. I am seething about said small talk. I am convinced that he is only interested in a small talky friendship and want to strangle him. I make some remark about stupid small talk and start to cry. We pay the check and leave. We want to go for a walk but it is raining. Instead we sit in my car and I yell at him while I cry. He takes it. He listens and doesn’t flinch. He apologizes and is sincere. He apologizes some more. He clearly feels like an asshole. I begin to forgive him. My heart starts to feel lighter. He doesn’t think our relationship was some small thing! He knows he did me wrong! He is sorry! He is miserable! I rest my head on the steering wheel and tell him about my new movie idea that features the image of me with my head on the steering wheel. I tell him about my bike movie. We go to my house and watch my bike movie. I show him the new found photos in my collection. We sit on my bed. He tells me more. He tells me about his grieving process. It is the opposite of mine. I felt like I would die, and then I gradually felt better. He felt great, and then gradually felt worse. We talk about fun times we shared. We vilify Long Distance. We quote the Microphones, “This precious thing we’ve lost.” We agree that what we had was real. He says, “I loved you, Willow.” I say, “I loved you, too.” It is a sad and beautiful moment. And in that moment my burden is lifted.
After this catharsis I drive him to the show. We both feel so good. We make jokes. I force him to buy me a beer- “it’s the least you could do!” My heart is so light! I dance with Rachael and Rebecca to DJ Totally Cutie’s awesome jams. I bounce and slide. The Dirty Projectors- Jake’s bro’s band- plays, and they are transcendent. 9 musicians, amazing projections, synchronicity, gladness. The audience is blown away. I am blown away. The set ends. People are pumped up. Jake and I are starving. We sit in the hatch of my car and eat our leftover falafal. We make more jokes. Suzy later comments that we seemed to be having more fun then we did when we were together. Suzy and I go home. My heart is so light. I sleep so deeply.
It is morning. I am with Rachael at the coffee shop. We are going to meet the Dirty Projectors for breakfast any minute. My heart is so light.