old man take a look at my life

Lisa set up some poster board covered with photos for the birthday party a couple weeks ago. It’s been sitting in the living room since then. The majority of the photos are of the boys in their first three to six months of life. Then there’s a few of Lisa and I holding them and this one, of Madee and I. I think it’s the first time I’ve seen a picture of myself as an “adult” where I am obviously much younger than I am now. I was twenty two at the time of the picture, but a lot of people–especially middle-aged folk–assumed I was much younger. I remember being at the park with the boys once and this elderly woman said, “you’re not old enough to be a father? What are you, sixteen?” I stole her wallet and ran with the boys, one tucked under each arm.
I looked young when the boys were born. I still look young to be a father, I guess, but I’m used to it now. It was so frustrating at the time, being aware of the fact that we were young, and being constantly talked down to by “adults” who said we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. And it’s true, we did not. However, we were perfectly aware of the fact that we had no fucking idea what we were doing. And so, we attended classes. No less than three different classes on being a parent and raising children, one of which was specifically for parents of multiples. I have to give Lisa credit for all of this, because she’s the one who researched the classes and signed us up. She also read numerous books on all aspects of the pregnancy. We busted our asses to be as prepared as possible for what was coming. But it didn’t matter. No amount of preparation could convince the “adults” around us that we were seriously trying to do whatever we could to be ready.
I am not a rich man. And as I get older, I’m gradually accepting the fact that I will never be a rich man. Along with this acceptance comes the realization that the benevolence and generosity I will bestow on society once I get rich is unlikely to ever happen. But still, should I ever come into a bit of money, I would love to contribute to–or establish if there isn’t yet something decent of its nature–a non-profit that provides free counseling, classes, childcare, etc for young parents, especially teenagers. Lisa and I would talk about this often when the boys were first born. I always come back to, if it is this difficult for me–raised in a white, upper middle class family with two loving parents, educated at an expensive liberal arts college–how do the people with a really fucked up background stand a chance? Getting social services involves an immense amount of time and energy, not to mention a decent understanding of how somewhat complex civil systems work. You have to be on top of your shit to stay on food stamps or Oregon Health Plan, or conversely, in such a mess that you find yourself with a social worker and then basically you’re plugged into a separate system with more assistance and much more government intrusion. Either way, it’s no picnic.
To some degree, the inexperience that comes along with being young always complicates our lives. But if you’re talking about teenagers, it’s not just inexperience that they’re dealing with. They’re battling with their physiology (this is almost undoubtedly not the right word choice; I am not a doctor) and the fact that their decision making ability is not yet fully matured. Couple that with hormones and societal pressures and it’s easy to understand why teens in general and teenage parents specifically, make bad decisions.
Is it obvious that I just had to reapply for Oregon Health Plan for my children or that I have to do a phone interview soon to renew food stamps? It’s mind numbing and ridiculous with forms and forms for forms and copies of pay stubs and whatever else. And it’s never everything they need, even though you send in everything they ask for, they always need something else before they can process your application. And in the meantime, your kids don’t have health insurance. And then you think about the thousands–multiple, four? five? thousand– you spent on health insurance last year through an employer and what did you get? Not a goddamn thing. It is a beautiful system we got going here. So please: go easy on the young people.