A WOMAN IN CRISIS: AM I LIZ LEMON?

My ol boss M. Azerrad IM’d me recently and said, “When is your biopic starring Tina Fey as you coming out?” Recently, on the “Fighting Irish” episode of 30 Rock, I realized that my ACTUAL, REAL LIFE DANCE TEACHER was guest starring as Liz Lemon’s dance teacher. Granted, she is one of many dance teachers I know, she is the real-life sister of The Flower Guy, and this is New York so shit like that happens all the time, but still.. it does nothing to assuage the creeping sensation that I may in fact BE Liz Lemon. She, too, is a a cynical, work-obsessed super-nerd with an addiction to Peeps and a predilection for colossal foibles. She, too, went as Princess Leia, like, four Halloweens in a row. Recently.
I don’t want to be Liz Lemon anymore. From now on, I am Scarlett Johannsen! “I can wear whatever I want! I went to public school! Woody Allen and Philip Roth are collaborating on a “project” about me!” – SJ in latest issue of Vogue
Although to be fair I would never go out with 99.99% of the dudes either Johannsen OR Liz Lemon have dated. The Flower Guy? ZZzzzzzzzz. Josh Hartnett? ZZZzzzzzzzzz. Jordan Catalano? WHATEVER, STAY AWAY FROM MY BLACK NAIL POLISH, CLOWN!