UNCUT: II

Hits, misses, lost classics from the archive
STATS
TOPIC: Vocabulon: Slangtionary/Slangxicon, summer 2005. This is not a JSHEP exclusive; rather, it was written by a posse of slang-slangers (including self; see below) and I edited/compiled. (You can tell which ones were contributed by Connie because they all start with “dang”)
WRITTEN FOR: Hit It Or Quit It Summer 2005
NEVER RAN BECAUSE: We had to make space for Matos’ 17,000-word Hold Steady Q&A
VOCABULON (Glossary)
b’dang—onomatopaeia; to be super fly and casually sharp! You know, gurl, you are often b’danging yourself!
“Look at you in the new Adidas sweatsuit. B’dang!”
badracula—a combination of bananas and dracula. So bananas it will bite you? Do these things even need definitions anymore?
Beyonce’d—to be crazy in love.
“Dang girl, you just met him! You are already Beyonce’d?!”
bandanas—When wack people go bananas in their own wack way.
“How was the Modest Mouse concert at the Tweeter Center?”
“Man, there were all these frat dudes bonging peach wine coolers in the parking lot. It was bandanas.”
bozomatli (plural)—inseparable group of grown men who dress and act like nine-year-olds.
“Every time I walk to 7-11 I gotta push through bozomatli chest-bumping over their PSP’s.”
challahtronix—when mash-up DJs rep hard for Judaism.
“Did you hear the DJ drop Hasidic New Wave over that Matisyahu b-side? Shit was straight challahtronix!
chimple—chin dimple.
“Dang, I love Tony Parker and his chimple.”
cooz-bruise–any injury related to the vaginal area. (The male equivalent is called “Double Trouble).”
“My new lowrider trike is binoculars, but the banana seat totally gives me cooz-bruise.”
“doctor and mrs. ___________”—extremely focused.
1)”Not to be all Dr. and Mrs. Scenester, but I am not going to that show unless I am on the list.”
2) “I tried to pick up Maggie Gyllenhall in the dressing room at H&M, because this is the summer of Dr. and Mrs. Steady Ballin’.”
fauxner—1) Being way too into one ironic item.
“Gary’s got such a fauxner for monster truck t-shirts. He’s really got to cool it.”
2) When someone is so not sexually appealing that they become, paradoxically, desirable.
“Picturing Linda Ronstadt in 1979 eating a salad gives me a fauxner.”
garden of sin—popular sandwich of Portland, Ore.: a garden burger w/cheese and bacon.
“I totally thought Beth was vegan ‘til I saw her at the Roxy mowing down a garden of sin.”
gimp juice—the ability to get laid even though you are basically retarded.
“I can’t believe you took home the bass player from the Walkmen when you had hot sauce all over your shirt. That’s some gimp juice.”
hangbangers— youth collective known for tireless loitering and tuff talk (“Let me get some Slurpee ‘fore I shoot you, bitch.”) in the absence of authority figures.
“Dudes be hangbangin’ on ILM until Chuck Eddy joins a thread. Then it’s all backstage at an Usher show.”
Phil—when a person grinds on something after hating on it forever, a la Phil Jackson.
“Tina’s being a total Phil with all the MySpace bulletins. I was already avoiding MyStalkers when she was still soliciting Friendster testimonials.”
prominent bookmark—boner.
“My, that’s a prominent bookmark you have.”
ridonkabasketball—incomprehensibly beyond control.
“Fatman Scoop with bronchitis, a WaterPik and a megaphone is ridonkabasketball!”
skeetarded—reminiscent of the first time a person embarked on a round of skee ball with a person of lesser intellectual capacity; balls whiz, minds are blown.
“This goldarn Diplo remix is so skeetarded, it makes me want to take him to Chuck E. Cheese.”
true Garfield—deep pig-out eater.
“I can’t believe I ate the whole box of corndogs. I am a true Garfield!”
vocabulonarians: j-shep, jessica, miles, shayla hason, arlie carstens, sean fennessey, cali dewitt, connie wohn, peter macia