36/1000: CPB IPA

J: What is CPB?
M: I asked: Captured by Porches.
J: Oh! The small-time guy we talked about another time.
M: We haven’t had this one before, have we?
J: I better check. [He checks.] We had their Amber.
M: Did we like it?
J: I better check. We found it sort of unremarkable but it might be due to the place in the flight, basically. So let’s drink.
M: That tastes good just because I’ve been wanting to drink beer for a long time.
J: This seems like a Mikey kind of IPA.
M: I’m liking it.
J: Does it do that thing in your cheeks?
M: No. A little bit, as a deep aftertaste.
J: I just asked to make fun of you.
M: I know. But people like Nicole find that information useful. I also think it’s sort of unremarkable.
J: But for you…
M: For me, in an IPA, that’s a good thing. Captured by Porches is becoming a safe choice. I could order anything and expect a drinkable beer.
J: Well, that’s a significant achievement. A lot of breweries have some shitty beers.
37/1000: Bison IPA
M: We did a Bison before, too, didn’t we?
J: I’m not sure what to say about this.
M: It’s different. It has a flavor.
J: Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to figure out.
M: But I don’t know that I like it.
J: Well, I like it. I don’t know if I like that particular flavor, but I like the beer. It takes a lot for me to not like a beer.
M: It tastes sort of dirty. I do find the beer entirely drinkable.
J: I expect to be a repeat customer of this.
M: You like the Bison more than the CPB?
J: Yeah.
[Mike brings more beers.]
J: Dark and light join forces!
M: The Cream is the…
38/1000: Fearless Cream Ale
M: And the other is the…
39/1000: Fort George Nut Red Ale
J: What is Nut Red?
M: I don’t know.
J: “Nut red.”
M: We should start with the cream.
J: [tastes] Not what I expected from a cream.
M: Why do I think of popcorn?
J: It’s got the tiniest bit of that Belgian vibe. It’s far more bitter than what I think of as a cream ale. Not that that makes it bitter.
M: I always think cream ale is going to be heavy.
J: I always think it’s going to be smooth.
M: Are you ever afraid of them?
J: No… what does that mean?
M: Cause this one’s fearless.
M: Would you get a keg of this cream ale? I only ask because it’s the only keg of cream ale you might get a keg of.
J: I think I would. I’d need to have Jessica taste it, too.
M: So that’s kind of exciting, for a cream ale.
J: Let’s drink some nut red. I can’t see you through it. Whoa, big flavor. Barleywine vibe.
M: It smells nutty, but I don’t get a taste of that.
J: It’s not required to taste nutty, or red, for that matter.
M: But I was surprised that it tasted nutty.
J: I think of a red ale as being…
M: Brighter?
J: Brighter and weaker. It’s a chewy one.
M: I’m not that into it. I’m trying to figure out why.
J: I don’t like the taste it leaves in my mouth. It’s sticking to the roof. It makes my spit taste bad.
M: Where’s Fort George? Washington
J: In the land of the Red Nuts.
M: Red skins, maybe? That’s a Washington thing.
40/1000: Fort George Coffee Girl Stout
M: Get it, like “Girl Scout?”
J: I never would have gotten that. [drinks] Whoo! That is a party in my mouth.
M: We should call Willow … This one’s “chocolatey.”
J: Yeah, it is. Smokiness. It’s got something in common with smoked salmon. Are you getting that?
M: Kind of, off the smell.
J: It’s also from the acidity.
M: It sort of tastes like the beer version of hot chocolate.
J: I’m going to have some hot chocolate when I get home. We have that illegal raw milk. Good for chocolate.
M: You should bring that into a cool coffee shop and have them steam it.
J: It would contaminate everything.
M: That’s cool. Just burped that beer. It was not a beer burp. This does not really taste that much like beer.
J: You lost me there.
M: It tastes like it’s made from a syrup.
J: The stickiness gets to you? I don’t think it’s as sweet as you’re making it out to be.
M: Well, I find it a little off-putting.
J: Well, that’s out of the way. I still say I liked it.
41/1000: Klamath Falls Imperial Cabin Fever Stout
J: Ooh, that’s smooth and a bit citrusy. This is easy drinkin’.
M: Much easier than the Fort George. I like that citrusy bit.
J: Big winner, this beer.
M: I thought I would like something called a coffee stout more than something about cabin fever. But don’t judge a beer by its clever name. People should get this beer. If they want a dark beer, or a stout, they should get this one.
J: It seems like a great place to start, at least.
M: This is certainly better than Guinness.
J: And it’s not way more challenging than Guinness.
M: There’s more flavor, but that’s not saying much. It’s funny — Guinness is only exotic in the context of shitty American beers.
J: Yeah, but I have the feeling that Klamath Falls Imperial Cabin Fever Stout is not going to overtake Guinness any time soon.
M: That’s probably true.
Just 959 to go!

32/1000 Bison Brewing Farmhouse Ale
JB: Farmhouse is a Belgian style, I think. There’s a beer tasting coming up that goes over the different Belgian styles.
KM [tasting]: You’re right! I think it’s a sign of progress that I can taste that and say, “That’s Belgian Style!” And I like it more now that I’ve tasted a bunch of beers that I don’t like. Do you get a sense of the Lambic from that?
JB: It has a touch of sourness, but nowhere near. But yeah, you’re placing it on the spectrum.
KM: And now that I’ve learned that it progresses so far… Would you say this is a particularly good Farmhouse?
JB: I think it’s delicious! It has a clear identity but it’s not smacking you around.
KM: I’m interested to know what other beers they make. They did this very well!
33/1000 Weed Pale Ale
JB: Well, doesn’t taste like weed. Was that too obvious? I have no idea what the story behind the name is.
KM: It’s really mild.
JB: I wouldn’t say it’s mild. I think it’s on the bitter and hoppy side. It’s sticking to the roof of my mouth.
KM: [hesitates]
JB: We don’t have to agree.
KM: Yeah, more on the aftertaste though, more than drinking it.
JB: I don’t know. This beer?
KM: I find it underwhelming.
JB: That is what I was trying to express. I don’t need to be whelmed by every beer, to like it.
KM: And I’m not disappointed by it…
JB: I would certainly try another beer from the brewery.
34/1000 Stone Brewing 11th Anniversary
JB: It’s a “dark IPA?” What is that! I have never heard of that and I’m very excited.
KM: It’s like it’s an evil IPA.
JB: Chewy. Sort of sweet. IPA, though?
KM: It’s more like some of those porters that we were drinking.
JB: What makes them call this an IPA?
KM: Maybe it’s got that IPA bitterness and hoppiness, but the darkness is masking it. What makes a beer dark?
JB: I really don’t know. This is something we should learn. Is it malt-related?
KM: Is it process-related? Belgians are always kind of the same color, that murky golden color.
JB: All that aside, I think this tastes great.
KM: I like this more than most IPAs, but it’s not much like an IPA. And I don’t generally like IPAs.
JB: You shouldn’t admit that.
KM: I don’t like them, “yet.” I’m learning to like them.
JB: Man, I want to know more about this beer.
KM: Mmm. It burps like an IPA. You don’t see that on the beer web sites, how they burp.
JB: Way easier to rate than color!
KM: And it’s a natural part of beer drinking!
35/1000 Alameda IPA
JB: I pronounce this, a lovely and mild IPA. Almost delicate. For an IPA.
KM: It doesn’t seem like an especially remarkable IPA. But it’s good. What’s the deal with Alameda?
JB: They’re local.
KM: What’s the McMenamin’s IPA? This reminds me of that. It’s like a less sticky Hammerhead. There are IPAs that are very interesting but maybe hard to drink, and those that are more like a session beer, but it’s weird to find one that’s right in the middle. “Yeah, that’s an IPA.” This project really makes you question beer creation. Why create a middle-ground IPA?
JB: We should email them. “Uh, what’s the deal with your IPA?”
KM: I can’t really determine how to judge it if I don’t know what they were aiming for.
Just 965 more to go!

JB: Today we have the two hottest beers in the world right now. We have several bottles of the prized Full Sail Top Sail and the Deschutes Brewery’s The Abyss.
JR: The Full Sail has a lot of gold on the label, which I like very much. The wax on The Abyss is making it really hard to get our beer! Is that part of the strategy?
JB: I’m just excited that we have these, and some other people don’t. And they’ll never be able to get them.
JR: That feeling is why you paid ten dollars a bottle!
MM, struggling to open The Abyss: There’s another layer of wax under the first layer!
30/1000: Deschutes Brewery’s The Abyss, of Bend, Oregon
MM, pouring: It’s thick, like blood.
WM: Chocolaty.
JR: It’s so intense, I wouldn’t want to drink a normal amount of this beer.
MM: “It’s dark, it’s deep, it’s mysterious. The Abyss beckons. Enjoy the journey.”
WM: I like the taste of it, but I’m afraid it would give me a stomachache.
JB: I hope you all like it, because I bought several bottles. I think I’ll age them.
MM: Do you think they’ll age well?
JB: I have no idea. Can you do that?
JR: I’m going to let mine come up to temperature, I think it’s too cold.
31/1000: Full Sail Top Sail, of Hood River, Oregon

MM: It’s weird that these both came out at the same time.
JR: I don’t think one or the other stole the idea, but both picked up on the same trend.
JR: Oh this tastes very different. Almost fruity.
WM: Chocolaty.
JR: It’s a lot less bitter. Intense and filling. They both are.
MM: I like this one a lot better. Like coconut.
JB: The fact that the Top Sail is not as cold is making a big different. The The Abyss has more flavor than we’re getting from it.
JB: These are definitely both winners. Compared to the ones in the porter tasting we just did, these are both so clearly good.
JR: Okay, so these are excellent and crazy beers.
JB: I don’t think they’re that crazy.
JR: I’m having trouble drinking all that I have. Josh, you’re just going to down it?
JB: Yeah!
Just 969 to go!

Date: Sunday, January 27, 2008
Time: 8:00 PM
Location: Cabel and Nicole’s House
In attendance:
Mike Merrill
Josh Berezin (paying)
Jessica Roberts
Willow McCormick
Alison Halter
Cabel Sasser
Nicole Buswell

25/1000: OK Beer Okocim Full Pale Piwo Jasne Pelne of Poland

CS: Should we get coasters? Nah, we don’t need them. Ah, why not?!
JB: That beer smells bad! We kind of knew this would be bad. Oh, but it tastes way better than it smells. Simple and sweet.
CS: I think it smells good!
JB: It was skunky-smelling when you opened it.
JR: This is definitely a cheap European beer.
NB: Oh my gosh, it’s good! It’s flowery. It tastes like flowers. It’s perfumey.
JB: Maybe we’re drinking crazy beers in our quest to have 1000, but I’m not getting a lot of taste off it.
JR: It’s watery.
NB: I don’t like a hoppy beer.
JB: What do you think, Willow?
WM: Last time I read my comments, I sounded stupid. I’m not participating in the comment section today. [To Jessica:] Stop pushing those tato skins at me!
JR: I would never drink this beer again.
JB: I like the packaging, and I like the taste of it. I would drink it here at Cabel and Nicole’s.
26/1000: Dick’s Lava Rock Porter of Centralia, WA

JB: Now we begin the porter tasting segment of our evening. We have four porters.
CS: That is terrible packaging. “Dick’s!”
JR: The dull gray…
CS: Was this printed on a laserjet?
JB: This is a weird-tasting beer.
JR: It’s sharp and tangy. It doesn’t have that mellow, round, dark flavor of porters.
CS: I got some smoke, there.
JB: Tangy is definitely the word!
MM: It tastes like there’s dirt in it.
JR: Am I allowed to dislike two beers in a row?
MM: I don’t like this at all. It’s really dirty!
JB: I was trying to like it even though it didn’t taste like a porter — to try to like it in a different context. But I couldn’t do it. I’m going to keep trying. [Everyone pours their dregs into Josh’s glass.]
JR: Chug a dirt! Chug a dirt! Chug a dirt!
27/1000: Planet Porter, by Boulder Beer of Boulder, CO

MM: Colorado’s first microbrewery!
WM: What’s that called?
MM: Boulder Beer…
JR: Okay, this tastes like a porter.
WM: It’s chocolatey.
NB: I don’t like this kind of beer.
CS: You don’t like a dark beer.
NB: I’m racist.
JR: This is no Black Butte Porter, but it’s along the same lines. It’s not as harmonious.
MM: It’s more watery.
JB: It’s got a nice chewiness. And it’s sticking to my mouth. I mean, this is not likely to be my go-to beer.
MM: For people in Colorado, this is going to be fine.
28/1000: Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter of Denver, CO

JB: That is an aggro label. What’s he saying, “OK, let’s party?” But he’s a skeleton or something.
MM: It’s got a Hunter S Thompson quote on it.
CS: Whoa, fruit-town! That’s not just me, right? Is there supposed to be fruit up in there?
JB: In the aftertaste, I really get that.
NB: It’s raisiny. Pruney. I like the flavors, but the bitterness goes too far.
MM: This is the best one we’ve had so far.
JB: I think it’s too sweet. Well, it doesn’t finish sweet, but it starts sweet.
JR: I get a harsh chemical impression from it.
MM: Does it have a high alcohol content? This label is so schizophrenic, I can’t figure it out.
JB: This beer is more of an adventure than the others.
29/1000: Anchor Porter of San Francisco, CA

MM: I think this is going to be our favorite. They make beers designed for people to like, and to not be weird.
JB: Yeah, it’s chalky and smooth and not too sweet.
NB: It smells like a chocolate coffee candy.
JR: We ended with the right one.
CS: That is tasty.
NB: It’s not bitter in the back of your mouth.
CS: Nicole is our bitter expert.
Just 971 to go!

Here we are at Green Dragon, awaiting the arrival of Fiona Garlich. We have ordered a Eel River IPA and a Salmon Creek Dubbel.
J: Stop drinking that. [removes Dubbel from reach] We have to drink this one first.
18/1000: Eel River IPA
J: My first drink of it really caught my attention, but I think it’s partly because of the way we’re thinking about beer now. I thought it was citrusy and bitter.
M: I think this sausage killed my palate. Here, have a bite of this.
J: No, I had sausage at home. I don’t want any more sausage.
M: I really should have tried it before I bit into that sausage. I think it’s sort of bright?
J: It is bright. But it’s an IPA. I would expect it to be.
M: Would you get a keg?
J: It’d be hard to make it my only beer for a while. But I’m a big fan of this beer. I would order it again in a second. It’s not good with your sausage.
M: No, it gets destroyed.
J: It’s good with these fries. It would work with things with a bit less flavor. Beans.
19/1000: Ayinger Weisse
J: This cloudy brew —
M: I like cloudy. These have such a specific smell, you know what to expect when you taste it. I don’t like the smell, but it tastes good. It’s pretty smooth, and it’s kind of creamy. It has small bubbles. These are the descriptive words I have at my disposal.
J: It seems pretty typical for this style of beer. Sweet smell, mildly sweet flavor, kind of musty.
M: I wouldn’t think I’d like this, but I really do. Maybe it’s because of the sausage.
J: You think the sausage set you up to like this?
M: It cools the fire of my spicy sausage.
J: There certainly is something refreshing about this kind of beer. Do we want to say anything else about it?
M: I don’t think it was as confusing or as complex as some… I don’t want our brevity to be an indication that we didn’t like it. But I feel that maybe there’s more to talk about in a beer that we don’t like.
J: In short, recommended. Ideal in its style of beer.
20/1000: Salmon Creek Dubbel

J: This is better now, after working through a couple others, and letting it warm it up. I’m more prepared for it.
M: The guy intimidated me into getting the full-size beer when I was just trying to order eight ounces. His voice is so gravely. And he’s physically intimidating. He wanted me to get more beer than I wanted, and so I agreed with him. He should sell cars.
J: It’s a good problem for us to have.
M&J: Fiona!
F: Whoa, that’s a big fancy beer! [She tastes.] It’s a sweeter beer. It’s got a soft flavor to it. Not sharp and hopsy.
M: Remember the one that we said had a dark cherry aspect? This is like that, without the cherry.
J: That was the Anchor Bock that had the cherry. So maybe this is the one you pair with dried cherry.
M: Cause it’s not as strong?
J: Yeah, you don’t want to pile on.
F: I’m going to order another beer. I was never into IPAs, but I got into a local one in Minnesota, Summit 21.
21/1000: Laughing Dog Pale Ale, of Idaho
J: How’s the taste, Fiona?
F: My first thought was sharp.
M: Does it get you back here, in the back of your cheeks?
J: Mike, you and your cheeks.
F: More the back of the tongue and roof of the mouth. This tastes like a giant hop.
J: It smells really hoppy.
M: It smells like vinegar. It tastes like fries with the malt vinegar.
F: So you think it tastes malty.
M: Vinegary.
F: I’m not really that into this beer.
M: I’m not a fan of this, either. Do you like it?
J: I like it, but I haven’t failed to like many of the beers we’ve drunk. And I don’t have any problem with IPAs.
M: My not liking this beer is my problem, not the beer’s problem.
F: That’s a very gray line you’re walking.
M: It’s like when people don’t like coffee, or like cream in their coffee… They’re being babies.
F: But how do you know when you should dislike a beer?
M: When it’s a bad beer.
F: So this is a good beer, that you don’t like the taste of.
22/1000: Catillon Gueze
J: Mike, you ordered an open-fermented sour ass beer.
F: Open-fermented?
M: The yeast comes in from wherever. Sometimes they’ll put it under a tree and let shit fall in.
F: Don’t you need an anaerobic environment for fermentation?
J: Maybe they leave it open to gather the yeast and then they close it up for fermentation.
F: It’s very sour. I can’t help but draw the urine comparison. Which I hate to do. But there it is.
M: These are hard to drink but I like them. They’re very interesting, and bright…
F: Bright, I agree with that. Like someone waking you up by pissing on your face. Good morning!
J: I’m surprised that you like them, Mike.
M: I was shocked I liked the other sour beers when we were at that tasting at Belmont Station. The lambics. I sometimes get a pine flavor, a tangy sharpness. I like the pine. These sort of remind me of Pine-Sol.
J: This is giving me insight into what you drank as a kid. So are we done with the beer yet?
M: What did you think of it?
J: This the not the kind of beer I’m a fan of. I don’t like drinking it. And I don’t think it’s a “me” thing.
M: But they’re made, and there’s a lot of them… Clearly it’s a style that people enjoy. I think maybe the people who make them are the only ones who like them.
F: Is it like, a concept beer? They’re doing it “because you can.”
M: But I like this more than I like an IPA.
F: Are you just saying that to be a crazy person?
M: I thought so, at first. But when we tried lambics at Belmont Station, I ended up drinking a whole tall glass of it. I think I really like it.
23/1000: Golden Valley Red Thistle Ale

F: It’s really mellow. It doesn’t have a strong flavor either way. Unfortunately, I think that’s why I like it.
J: You might find it more strongly flavored if you didn’t have it after the Catillion.
F: If I didn’t have it after the piss beer?
M: I like the color. I hate to bring up the beer nerds who always “rate” the color, but this beer has a pretty color. Color can be remarkable, but not rated.
J: So this beer is hard to say anything about.
M: It’s a good session beer.
J: This is our fallback description for beers that we like that don’t have many distinctive properties.
F: It’s full, it’s tasty, but there’s not much to say.
M: Again, it’s easier to talk about a beer you don’t like.
F: I could say, “earthy.”
J: I’d agree.
M: What’s the deal with a red ale? I think I generally like them.
J: I don’t know how they’re defined.
24/1000: Deschutes Green Lakes Organic Pale Ale
J: This beer is available January 1, 2008 through April 1, 2008. That’s it, folks.
M: Smells vinegary, again.
F: Smells like less pesticides.
M: It’s spicy in an interesting way.
J: Ahhh… I’m not excited about this beer. It might be because it’s our seventh, and I don’t have my critical faculties available to me. I may be a bit beer-fatigued.
F: Is this a fair place to rate this beer from?
J: I don’t think it’s a beer place.
At this point we admitted that our tasting ability was shot. There was some discussion concerning if we count the Deschutes Green Lakes Organic Pale Ale as number 24 or if we need to retry it. In the end we chose to include it, but we may have to visit it again for completeness sake.
976 to go!

J: Ah, that is delicious! Caramel-y. It’s so smooth! Most beers get to “smooth” by not being carbonated. It’s kind of a cheat.
M: Yeah, they do it by texture instead of taste.
J: What is it?
M: I don’t know. “The newest.”
J: You didn’t ask what it was?
M: I asked for the newest.
J: I’m going to go find out what it is now.
14/1000: Abbaye du Val Dieu Grand Cru, of Belgium
J: This beer is from a brewery that is nearly eight hundred years old!
M: It’s one of those monk beers? What religion are the monks, generally? And are they the same that make the cheese?
J: I don’t know the answers to these questions. We should get a guest monk.
M: I have an image of them with the brown robes and the knotted robes and the Friar Tuck hair, but… is it some weird Catholic thing?
J: I would have said Catholic.
M: There are no Catholic monks, are there? Who’s heard of a Catholic monk?
J: This beer just floors me.
M: You love it way more than I do.
J: It just hits me with taste but it doesn’t overwhelm.
15/1000: Pinkus Organic Munster Alt, of Germany

J: I want to look at this label. It’s got these guys on it.
M: Are they Germans? It’s like, “Look at me, I’m fancy and responsible.” And the other guy: “I’m a crazy criminal!” He looks like Che Guevara. It’s his son, maybe?
J: He does look like Che.
M: So this is kind of skunky smelling. Tastes kind of thick.
J: Looks so thin.
M: Yeah, I was surprised. It has a very traditional “beer” aftertaste, maybe like shitty American beer.
J: You don’t like the aftertaste?
M: It’s not that I don’t like it, but it’s just like I had some Budweiser.
J: I am not finding myself wowed by this beer. I’d like to bring it to a party to look fancy and then let other people drink it, and they will be perfectly happy with it. So I’m saying, I could see myself buying this again.
M: Oh, and it’s got that big USDA Organic label, so it’s good for Portland. People love that shit.
J: No way would I get a keg of this.
M: I’m not sure I need to finish it. But it seems disrespectful. Not to this beer, but to beer in general.
16/1000: Belzebuth Blond Ale, of France

M: “The Most Unique Ale in the World.”
J: Oh, God, this is going to be awful.
M: It smells like the 120 [Minute IPA]… Oh no…
J: Hmm, It tastes like some of the strong Belgians I’ve had. This is different, but it’s not awful. It’s got that same sweetness.
M: I would say I don’t like this, but not that I hate it.
J: It’s about the context, it’s about what you think of yourself as drinking. There are many kinds of beer.
M: But I feel like I’ve had this before, and there’s nothing new and interesting. It’s not “the most unique ale in the world.”
J: We were looking for a French beer on the shelves, and could hardly find one. There were two, I think. They’re not known for their brews.
M: But how can you have a whole country whose culture is based on food and wine and not have some good beers come out of that?
J: Mike, they drink wine all the time.
M: But the French are so in love with themselves, I would think they’d want to drink French beer. With a French flag and a beret.

J: The other French beer is just like that! It’s about independence and it has the tri-color on it!
M: I bet it’s better than this.
J: This is basically a strong (13% ABV) Belgian beer. Nothing subtle about it, either, I think we can do better.
M: I think it’s a bad sign when the most noticeable aspect of a beer is their “HIGH ALCOHOL CONTENT” in big letters.
J: But for you to say that, you who would buy a beer solely for its label or its bottle… You bought Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA because it was the most expensive beer you could find. You are a seeker of novelty.
M: But…
J: Wait, are you telling me that you’re learning?
M: I would never argue that novelty is a sign of quality. New isn’t better. It’s just new!
17/1000: Original Flag Porter of England

J: Ugh, everyone is trying to be novel, because everyone is trying to market to you, Mike.
M: How?
J: I quote, “brewed with 1825 yeast, salvaged from a sunken vessel in the English Channel using an original 19th century recipe.”
M: I love that we didn’t know about this when we bought it. This is HISTORIC beer. We are drinking history.
J: I’m not sure what the difference is between sunken yeast and any other yeast.
M: The term “original” actually has some meaning here!
M: I bet they didn’t serve it this cold, back in 1825.
J: That’s a good point. I actually think it needs more taste, and drinking it warmer would bring that out.
M: I keep remembering, as we do this project, how much I like porters, and how that’s what I drank when I started drinking beer, but that I dropped that from my beer repertoire. Sometimes porter can have too much of a bite…
J: They’re always smooth, they have no bite.
M: Is bite the wrong word? How does this compare to Black Butte Porter, to you? This tastes lighter than Black Butte Porter.
J: Black Butte Porter has a little fruity flavor, and less chalky malty flavor. I think I like Black Butte better.
M: I think I do, too, but I just can’t talk about a porter without invoking Black Butte.
[Josh notices Mike’s nearly empty glass, and points.]
M: I’m telling you!
J: Man, you should drink nothing but porters.
983 to go!

8/1000: THE BARONS OF SCHWARZ
“Baron’s Schwarz” – a beer with a noble yet vaguely obscene name. A beer that smells like smoke. Bartenderman says it’s a “dark lager,” but we can’t help but think of porter when we sniff it.
Mike: I like it.
Josh: You have to say something more interesting than that.
Mike: I like it … a lot?
Josh: I had a Russian porter a couple weeks ago that this reminds me of. I think it was called Baltica 6. Which is an incredibly cool name. But it was thin and it didn’t leave an impression. It’s like it was watery even though it was a dark porter. This has the smokiness in common with the Baltica, but it’s chewy and it has a really pleasant aftertaste.
Mike: I just burped a little bit of it, and it tasted really good.
Mike: I don’t have a really good flavor vocabulary.
Jessica: I was just talking about that with Josh. When I blogged about cheese, I found I had very few terms to describe cheeses. They were always “nutty,” “creamy,” or “stinky.”
Josh: Okay, so when do we think we’d want this beer?
Mike: I had just had it with some sausage, and that worked great.
Jessica: It makes sense that it would go with sausage, cause they’re both German. Traditionally. Lagers and sausages.
Josh: When else would you want that beer again?
Mike: I would like to try it with things, like chocolate cake.
Jessica: I think it’s an autumn beer. It could make that transition nicely, when you don’t want summer, crisp, bright flavors, but you’re not in your porter mood yet.
Josh: I could see it going well with nuttier hard cheeses, like Gruyere, or those Basque sheep’s milk cheeses.
9/1000: Captured by Porches Amber
Josh: What is “Captured by Porches”?
Mike: They were the Clinton St Brewery?
Josh: But what does that mean?
Mike: I know there’s this guy in Portland who will come to your party and serve you beer. He’ll sell beer for your party. I thought this was that guy. We should look it up.
Jessica: He might have gotten shut down by the OLCC already. That doesn’t sound legal.
Mike: I think he was responsible — he checked IDs. It was designed more for house shows and house parties. And I think he biked!
Jessica: Then he’s okay!
Josh: We need to look this guy up for Portland’s Future Awesome.
Josh: I find the beer pretty unremarkable. It doesn’t really stay with me.
Mike: Is it maybe the order we’re drinking them in?
Jessica: I’m clearing my palate with mayonnaise… It has a really nice presentation, but then it goes away. It tastes good! But then, eh.
Josh: I looked it up, and what you’re saying seems to be true, Mike. He is a homebrewer who runs beer for house shows. But Clinton St has his beers at their pub attached to the theater, too. We should check on the bike thing. Cause that sounds awesome.
10/1000: Black Bear Nitro Stout

Mike: Black Bear? We like those guys, don’t we? Oh wait, I’m thinking of Bear Republic.
Jessica: I would like to try the same beer nitro and non-nitro some time.
Mike: Whoa, that tastes like sunflower seeds. Do you get that at all?
Jessica: No.
Mike: That weird saltiness that is in your mouth after you suck on a sunflower seed for a long time. Sunflower residue.
Josh: Let’s get eight ounces more.
[Eight ounces more arrive.]
Josh: That is a beautiful creamy head.
Mike: It looks wonderful.
Jessica: Gorgeous.
Josh: Okay, who wants a beer mustache?
Mike: I think you should cause you have a mustache.
Josh: I think Jessica should, cause she can’t grow a mustache!
Josh: Whoa, it tastes rusty. Like hard water. A flavor I know well from my childhood.
Jessica: But it doesn’t have that horrible sulfur taste that your childhood water had.
Josh: It’s that iron-y taste.
Jessica: Like blood!
Josh: Yeah, that’s the same thing. The iron in both.
Mike: I like that! Like when you cut yourself and you taste the blood. Does this have iron in it?
Jessica: They should prescribe this beer for ladies during their special time in the month.
Mike: So you don’t like the blood beer?
Josh: No, cause it really does stay with me. I have it in the back of my throat right now.
Mike: I like that.
Josh: I know, you said that. I think you’re part vampire.
Mike: Let’s make sure to look up later if there’s some iron or something in it. Why would it be so recognizable?
Josh: I think it could be related to the water.
Jessica: I’ve had other beers with this flavor, but only stouts, I think. So that makes it seem like it’s not the water.
11/1000: Lagunitas Lumpy Gravy
Mike: I just want to say right up front, that’s a bad name for a beer. Cause I’ve had that Jones gravy soda, and that was just awful.
Jessica: A lot of these names are trying pretty hard.
Mike: Brew dudes, they’re weird. Their whole Grateful Dead thing. This sounds like a Ben & Jerry’s flavor.
Jessica: Like Lumpy Humpy.
Josh: They’re faced with the problem of giving their beer a memorable name, and they’re not marketing guys. They’re brew dudes.
Jessica: And beers named by marketing guys are lame. Like fake micros.
Mike: I’m going to clear my palate, with some mayonnaise.
Josh: We haven’t said anything about this beer yet.
Mike: I haven’t gotten anything — I couldn’t smell it at all. It sort of tastes a little like medicine. I don’t think I like it.
Josh: I see this as a session beer. It’s not trying to blow you away with its flavor. But a more interesting one than the Paranoid India Pale Ale we had at Hot Lips.
12/1000: Fish Tale Pale Ale
Josh: I have had this in bottles. Never on tap. It tastes fresh! Dry and hoppy.
Mike: I say “bright and shiny!” I like it a lot, and it’s so different from what we were just drinking.
Josh: I could see not having tons to say about this beer…
Jessica: But that doesn’t mean you don’t love it.
Josh: Yeah. This beer knows what it’s doing.
Jessica: You’ve never been specifically excited about Fish Tale before.
Josh: Right now, on tap, and very cold, it tastes very crisp and refreshing.
Mike: It would be good in the summer, clearly.
13/1000: Anchor Bock
Josh: And now for a complete change in direction. Cherries. It sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Mike: Yeah, dark cherries. This is traditionally a winter beer?
Josh: Yeah, bock and dopplebock are late fall and winter beers.
Mike: It’s almost too sweet.
Josh: Yeah, you described the Lumpy Gravy as medicinal, but I’d say this tastes far more medicinal.
Mike: It would be fun to pair it with food, though, with that sweetness.
Josh: What would you pair it with?
Mike: I don’t know how food pairings work. Do you contrast or complement or what? Maybe just with cherries.
Josh: As I taste it again, I’m stuck on cherries. This is a cherry-flavored beer. But not like Starburst.
Mike: No, like real cherries.
Jessica: More like dried cherries. Not like Kriek. That cherry beer.
Josh: Okay, quick, cause we have to catch our bus: under what circumstances would you want to drink this beer?
Mike: Experimental circumstances. When I could try it among an array of food.
Jessica: I think after dinner, winter evening, it could stand on its own.
Mike: Like a fireplace beer?
Jessica: Yeah!
987 to go!

Tonight, once again, we venture away from Belmont Station, to enjoy pizza and draught beer at Hot Lips Fancy Pants Pizzeria of Portland’s Pearl District’s eco-friendly “EcoTrust” building, where the beers are organic, the pizza is organic, and the tablecloths are plastic and ugly.
6/1000: Off the Rail Paranoid IPA of Forest Grove, Oregon and
7/1000: HUB Organic Red of Portland, Oregon (link)

J: Taste this Off the Rail Paranoid IPA.
M: It’s good! It’s not very strong, it’s not as strong as I expected.
J: My first thought was that it was mostly pretty boring. It’s creamy in a nice way.
M: When I hear “Pale Ale” I’m usually scared of it…
J: Pale Ale is not the right descriptor at all.
M: Taste this HUB Organic Red compared to that.
J: Yeah, that tastes like a beer. It has a lot of character.
M: I picked it just because of the logo.
J: Well, the Paranoid Pale is growing on me.
M: What did he say about the brewery? That’s it’s the lord of the dark side, or something?
J: He said it’s a Forest Grove brewery dedicated to Ozzy Osbourne. Or Randy Rhodes, from Black Sabbath. Or from Ozzy Osbourne solo. It wasn’t quite clear. It doesn’t seem to me that a brewery should be dedicated to that.
M: No! Not at all.
J: Some aspect of beermaking would be a better thing to be excited about.
M: I do feel like brewers, in general, are bearded dudes. I could see something there.

J: The HUB beer is so good! I don’t even know how to describe it …. complex, balanced, not wimpy.
M: It has a bite to it that I think I usually don’t like, but I find it fine in this. Maybe that’s part of it being balanced. I was worried beers from HUB would be deeply “beer guy” beers. See “120 Minute IPA”.
J: Which we drank before we started this project, but we will have to go back to it.
M: Oh, we have to do it again?!
J: Sorry.
M: Does this HUB Red taste “toasted” to you at all?
J: Yeah, “toasted malt”?
M: The Paranoid Pale tastes so sweet after that. It smells fruity!
J: I was separating them with pizza to reset my palate. It does smell fruity, now that you mention it. It’s not very carbonated, and that makes it smoother, but it also has a chalky flavor to it.
J: Conclusions?
M: I would have them both again. I like them both.
J: I could drink a ton of this Paranoid IPA. But I wouldn’t call it an IPA. And by “I could drink a ton of it,” I mean, I could drink a lot in one night. Cause it’s easy to drink. But that doesn’t mean I prefer it.
M: Would you get a keg of it?
J: No. I would get a keg of the HUB Red. I think it’s one of my favorite beers. I’m kind of in love with it. I want to get another pint, instead of sharing yours.
M: It’s okay, you can finish this one off.

993 to go!

4/1000: Walking Man Neanderthal of Stevenson, Washington (link)
Josh: Smoky! Chocolaty!
Mike: But it’s not really strong. I think with a name like Neanderthal, we should point out its mildness.
Josh: I think I think I’m swayed by the setting. I think I’d like almost any beer that I had at Green Dragon. Unless I really didn’t like it.
Mike: We should ask them for a bad beer.
Josh: This is very drinkable.
Mike: While still having a distinctive taste.
Josh: I would drink this all night.
Mike: I would too.
Josh: But they’re going to be out of it by the end of the night. Ah, Green Dragon.
X/1000: Fearless Scottish Ale of Estacada, Oregon (link)
We regret to inform our readers that we don’t know that we’re actually drinking Scottish Fearless Ale at this point. The evidence is as follows: We ordered two. They look, to the naked eye, to be identical beers. One of the two has an incredibly distinctive, though not unpleasant, aroma. (Described as “grapey” by Mike.) The other beer has no discernable odor.
It’s certainly possible that one of these beers is Fearless Scottish Ale. It is impossible to say which. We apologize for the inconvenience.
5/1000: Diamond Knot IPA of Mukilteo, Washington (link)
Josh: Delicious! A classic IPA! A hint of citrus. Nicely bitter.
Mike: Whoa. It’s doing that thing I don’t like. [Note: Mike often refers to an IPA aftertaste he notices in his cheeks, behind his teeth.]
Jessica: It tastes like how it smells when they’re loading the grain onto the boats down by the river. It just tastes grainy in the air…
Mike: Yes!
Josh: I don’t agree with you guys at all. I think it’s just totally an IPA, totally unashamed. Diluted by nothing.
Mike: It’s very sharp. It’s somewhere between being stabbed and punched.
Josh: Like being “finned” by Jona?
Mike: Yes, like that.
Josh: But you secretly like being finned. It’s part of a fun game.
Mike: No, I hate it. It’s the worst thing. He does it way too hard, and I don’t like it. Not that I hate this beer…
Josh: As weird as this conversation is, I feel we may have given an accurate impression of the beer.
995 to go!

Dear Internet:
Welcome to 1000 Beers. Please join us as we drink one thousand beers over the next three years.
We were inspired by the sandwich board at Belmont Station, seen here.
We will drink beers right here, at Belmont Station, but also at other fine beereries around Portland, the Northwest, the United States, and the World.
Lots of love,
Josh and Mike

1/1000: Estrella Damm of Barcelona

LA CERVEZA DE BARCELONA

Since 1876 When August Kuentzmann Damm arrived from Alsace, Estrella Damm has been brewed as a premium quality beer in Barcelona. Estrella means star in Spanish and as its name suggests the brand has become a star to the people of Barcelona. It has evolved with the city reflecting its character – sophisticated and passionate yet at the same time relaxed and welcoming.

J: Let’s talk about this beer.
M: Wow, that’s unremarkable.
J: You’re impressed by how unremarkable it is?
M: It tastes like every beer in the world.
J: Yeah, like “world beer.”
M: It has that taste of a really stinky Tsing Tao.
J: I think that’s just called skunkiness. It’s probably been exposed to light, or been around for a long time.
M: What is this mark on the bottle? I’m going to ask the guy. […] He thinks it’s the date it was brewed.
J: Maybe the 7th of August? The 8th of September? September 2007?
M: Thing is, I kind of like it. I could see getting really drunk to this beer.
J: I think this beer is terrible.
W: I agree.
M: I agree, but I like it. I like it better than Pabst.
W: No. Pabst is better.
2/1000: Coopers Vintage Ale of Australia

Descriptors:

• Citrusy smell
• Sweet
• Fruity chocolaty
• Malty

Mike: It says it will mature if it is stored in “cellar conditions.” They should use an actual cellar. This implies that they keep it in some sort of modern facility that meets this requirement. It has a fancy label, they should be fancy all the way.
Willow: Bleh.
Mike: I would drink this beer again. It is a fancy beer that I would serve to show off.
Josh: I’m liking drinking it, but I don’t see why I would get it again.
Mike: The packaging? The packaging is great. It’s a very handsome label with gold and foil.
Josh: I would rather get a fancy bottle, if I’m going for packaging. One with the rubber resealable top, or the cool English-style oval bottles that look like medicine.
Mike: Maybe I just like worse beer than you. Write that down.
Willow: I think it is too sweet.
3/1000: Terminal Gravity IPA of Enterprise, Oregon

Willow: It smells rotten.
Mike: It smells like a Portland beer!
Willow: It tastes a little soapy to me. I’m getting a soapy aftertaste.
Josh: People love this beer. It’s well-renowned.
Mike: It does this thing that other IPAs do where in the back sides of your mouth it tastes bad after a while… What is that?
Josh: It’s definitely a sipping beer. I think I like its smell more than its taste. Maybe it would taste better colder?
Mike: I think this beer tastes cold. It has a … cold flavor? I don’t know what that means.
Mike: I wouldn’t get this again. I’m mildly ashamed of that. I can detect that it is a “good beer,” but I wouldn’t get it again.
Willow: I think it’s the aftertaste.
997 to go!