It’s like I go through periods that are so nice that I’ll read the paper or something and blink a few times and then go, “Oh yeah. The rest of the world.” In those times I feel hopeful and sane, and even halfway believe that we are on the upswing of civilization. After my kayak trip I felt that way. I had this idea that Al Gore would run for and be elected president and I would write him a letter suggesting a WPA-style effort to reverse the effects of global warming while creating American jobs and redefining the working class. See, the federal government would employ out-of-work lumberjacks in a massive reforestation project. Fishermen would be trained in aquatic conservation, hybrid car factories would be built, etc etc. Plus tons of money for alternative fuel and energy research. And lots of other kinds of research.
If I looked closely at this idea of course I could see all the holes, but just having it made me buoyant. For a while. But with me it’s a pendulum, and so just a few weeks later I found myself sobbing on the curb outside the Portland Mercury anniversary party. Not because I was drunk (I wasn’t) not because Mike and I fought (we didn’t), but because there are wars and because I feel unrepresented by my government, and because glaciers are melting into the ocean.
When I get dark like that I have to go searching for beauty. I sort of miss the daily nice things that I normally catch, and have to smack myself a little bit to wake up and notice how floaty a person on a skateboard looks, or how rad it is that freecycling is taken for granted in this town (overheard: “Where’s the nearest freecycle?” “Oh, it’s right up the street.”) In Dark Times I feel like I’ve just barely got my finger in the dam or worse, that I’m trapped beneath the rough waters. What good are good works, honestly? There have always been great teachers, always great activists, and we’re still in big trouble. I’ve stopped listening to so much NPR- hearing the same bad news on the hour, every hour can get a girl down. But then, don’t I have an obligation to listen to it? Even if I can’t ease the suffering of anyone on this planet, shouldn’t I at least bear witness to it?
I guess it’s either rose-colored glasses or shit-colored ones for this girl. I’m back on the upswing now- feeling good about riding my bike (even if I did crash yesterday) and being conscious about where I spend my money. Boy, those sure are Bougie things to feel good about, huh? Maybe it’s my job as a middle-class white woman to feel both guilty and helpless at the same time. It’s been that way for centuries, right?
Wow, this is sort of a downer entry for a TGIFriday, but in my defense I started writing it yesterday, and it wasn’t so cynical-sounding in my head. I saw Superman last night, and let me tell you, it was no help at all.
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I just finished reading Fast Food Nation. It sort of got me down. But the thing that brought me back was the idea that none of the destruction of the earth and its inhabitant’s way of life is a “grim necessity”. It’s not as though it just has to be this way.
While this may solve nothing, it at least elevates hope above the absurd.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately myself. I suppose we just have to do our best and move forward. The World will never be a perfect place, so let’s just try not to make it any worse.
i’m with u. recently i’ve been feeling really low about my future. worrying, AGAIN, how i can balance my finances and support myself and make work and even, occasionally, enjoy the fact that i’m not yet into my thirties, or married with kids…..
and then, anniversaries like yesterday (july 7th- bombs in london) make me realise how everything is in such flux, how difficult it is not only to survive, but to influence whats going on around you, to understand whats going on, to make a contribution….
and suddenly all the dull worries drag you down further because they seem so insignificant… but you can’t get away from them….
sorry. i’m pretty sure i didnt help you with this one…
Boo, people.
Willow, you were on the right track, but you have to fight fire with fire. If you’re talking about devastating things like war and global warming, you can’t offset it with images of flowers and butterflies. You have to think about other amazing things…things that make the world worth preserving, like the miracle of life itself, love (ooh…good one, Sonny), music, the internet, google earth, and really good comic book movies like Sin City.
Also, if you ever need some good news, you can always go to sites like the Good News Network and happynews.com. And no, that’s not brainwashing – it just provides a little balance to the rest of what’s out there. For some reason, human nature tends to have us dwelling on all of the bad things so much more than the good. It’s probably out of some survival instinct, but that’s not how it has to be. We’re better than that!
http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/
http://www.happynews.com/
If you wanna make life better, be generous to someone. Not just on a blog, but in the present. Offer your hospitality, don’t forget people’s birthdays, invite others to share your space, remember you only live once and just being hip is sooo limited.
Thanx for the treatise of concern but notice that the indigeous peoples of the planet know more about the above than this uber-materialistic society. Thornton Wilder said: “It is better to error on the side of generosity.” After walking in the heat today I was fading fast and I stopped in at La Vanguardia. I was short on cash and the guys at the bar dosed me Xtras –which helped me get home.
It’s our time to give back–like Warren Buffet.
I do one nice thing for someone else everyday…something completly intentional and out of my way. some how it seems to lighten the load a little that I always carry with me. Whether it’s volunteering at a soup kitchen or guiding lost visitors to that illusive restaurant they are looking for. I think that acts like that actually release endorphins into your system b/c actually makes me feel better and that the whole world isn’t going to shit. kharma…it all comes around.
PS> i’m sure you are very busy…but would you please write again…your blog is like my soap opera fix of the day that I can view at my desk at work and i miss it. no pressure.
I agree with Jeremy. And I will go a step further by spamming your comments (a.k.a. pulling a Joel) until you blog again. Anyone else with me here?
where’d you go?