Heaven is Probably Not a North Portland Karaoke Joint

Two things:
First and foremost, Multnomah County is issuing same-sex marriage licenses. This morning 110 couples lined outside the Portland County Courthouse, in the freezing rain. Word to County Chair Diane Linn for making it happen. Her quote, according to my coworker Phil: “This feels right to me–not just legally, but spiritually.”
Second: last night, I engaged in Portland’s favorite pastime, karaoke, at The Paragon. The Paragon is like a gullier One-Eyed Jack’s; you get the feeling that by merely entering, your chances of becoming a meth addict increase by 20%. There is a gate inside the front door and they buzz you in after a brief inspection, presumably making sure your face isn’t xeroxed onto their extensive 86’d list. It is like being buzzed into evil-juju Narnia; everyone there is gambling, karaokeing, DTing or like, on the cell phone arguing with someone. I actually heard this pissed-off dude tell his lover, “What am I doing? I’m socializing, which is the same thing I was doing when I met you: SOCIALIZING.”
However, thanks to its extensive book and dedicated crowd, The Paragon is a destination for PDX hardcore karaoke massive.
So last night, place was ON. My first song: “Are You That Somebody?” Those future recipients of the Muy Romantico CD (in the mail this week! Jessica Swears) will note that melisma is not my forte; during the “Are you responsibblahlehalehale” parts, the intent was there, but basically I sounded like I was barfing up a baby wren. My strategy, to distract from my mauling of sacred words: Aaliyah video choreography. When all else fails, dazzle ’em with your white-hot fan kicks.
Second number: “Heaven on Earth” by Belinda Carlisle, sung in the style of Katrina Ford. Full hardened goth diva steez, mugging like I’m leggy and supine on Nick Cave’s piano; I get about halfway through the phrase, “to understand the miracle of living,” when the KJ–wearing a Napalm Death shirt and, by now, visibly inebriated–actually begins FISTFIGHTING this dude in the corner booth.
It was a mini-fistfight, busted up fast, and by the end of my declaration that Heaven is anyplace on earth BUT the Paragon, dudes were making truce. I like to think this joyous reconciliation was brought on by the awesome power of Belinda Carlisle.
As a peace offering, KJ let Fighting Dude sing/rap Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”; I was still up in the karaoke forum, so Fighting Dude had me guest rap on such rhymes as “Ladies–Yeah! Ladies–Yeah!” and “LA face with an Oakland booty.” (Except he insisted we change “Oakland booty” to “Portland booty.”)
It was amazing. I will probably not visit the Paragon for about 2-6 months.
B-BOY BATTLE UPDATE: coming soon, I promise! Having digital photo probs.