Slammin is real. I've done it. It's shameful. I just thought someone being proud of gluttony approach to chocolate would be hypothetically funny, especially in contrast to classy chocolate nibbling.
Maybe not everyone would admit to slamming. Maybe Shoes is right. But I freely admit to chip slamming. It's unlady-like. So embarrassing to realize you are eating most of the chips while sharing with others. So hard to pull yourself away. But I admit it. And I try not to buy chips because I know what happens. I think Fudge would have no problem admitting he is a candy bar slammer. To him it's better that way. Why would you nibble? The best is to stuff a whole Mound in your mouth! He also slams cookies.
I slam sandwiches, crackers, fruit and most meals when starving.
I am a candy slammer. So much buying of three bags of sugar food, scarfing like a dog, then having a sugar hang over for the rest of the day. Thankfully not something I do anymore... I can't believe how much sugar I ate when I was a kid in the form of StarBursts, Surge, and Mega Jolt.
You slam the candy because the first taste sets of an incredible blast of feeling in your brain. This feeling is one of immediate, infinite satisfaction. You slam the candy because you want to have that feeling forever, you want to be that feeling. I think that candy and junk food are incredibly spiritual... they cast a veil of perfection over your whole reality.
I once had a candy bar from a grocery store in Paris that was creme brulee flavored, which should be gross but really was so so so good.
I like to slam multiple snacks at once! I love tastes- salty, sour, sweet, smooth. I'll do a roundhouse slam of chip, candy, beverage, cheese bite, chip, etc. ALL THE TASTES
Also as a child my grandparents would bring us GIANT (18 inches long and an inch thick) Lindt bars when they visited from Europe twice a year, it was amazing.
My dog slams WATER, and then barfs it up. You have to stop him halfway through his bowl. "Ok that's enough, that's enough." He looks at you with his snout all dripping. He has to take a break or he immediately barfs!
Drinking all your water at once, what a nerd
one time he got into his bag of food when we were gone and slammed it so hard his entire midsection swelled up like a balloon and I thought we'd have to go to the emergency vet. Luckily he just lay on the couch like a slob, uncomfortable, and didn't eat for 24 hours and then was ok
my dog slams loaves of bread/bags of buns/muesli/whatever not-dogfood she can get her paws on. she ate 1.5 bags of muesli and looked like a lil dog sausage, all swollen. first time i'd ever seen her not want to eat anything.
it's funny how gross dogs are but how you suddenly don't care anymore when it's your dog. I've seen my dog put his face in the grosses stuff, and put the grossest stuff in his mouth, but I still kiss him on his face/mouth
I won't let my husband into the bed without washing his feet but I let my dog tromp all over the house?? With his disgusting outdoors-feet that haven't been washed in TWO MONTHS?
I slam whole pies. Mostly apple ones. I will slam a piece and then another piece and then another piece. I love pie. Deeply. One time joey made a sour cherry pie. That was awesome. Actually joey has made a lot of awesome pies. Peach pie too. I could eat some pie right now. Actually.
Oh, also, LIFE cereal. One time when I was living in Anacortes Safeway had a deal that was like if you buy 10 boxes of life they will be a dollar each. Greatest day of my life. I think I shocked the people I lived with slamming the bowls down. There is always room for another bowl.
Ooo yeah. Totally. Savory. We've been having a lot of those savory crackers from TJs with fancy cheeses. Slam that after a run. Daily. I wish Alex the cheesemonger would select some cheeses to highlight.
just had a Heath to refresh my memory this morning. i guess i remembered the insides being more glass-like and shatterey? maybe this hazard is more closely associated with a Skor? maybe someone was putting glass in my Halloween candy as a kid?
Those pies I baked! Yeah. I think those days are mostly behind me. For a couple years I was so excited to have an oven that I baked all the time and found new sweets to bake. Then one day butter and sugar together sounded gross. I could smell it all the time and felt malnourished.
Joey's specialties and favorites: -All organic fruitcake -Tart cherry pie -Madeleine cookies
These are the things I will stick to baking only occasionally for the rest of my life. Baking involves too much slamming. So many things are significantly better when they come out of the oven so you eat too much of it. Baking should be social (in my life).
Savory! Slamming "Mary's gone crackers" crackers with hummus, or goat brie, or mysterious fancy cheese you don't know the name of. PICKLES! I want to pickle everything.
I want a tart cherry pie, Joey please share your recipe!
My pie crusts always taste like SHIT. Where are the flaky salty delightful crusts of yore, of my mother's kitchen, of my friends' kitchens??
My pie crust always comes out tasting like a piece of pie you get at a diner or pre-packaged at Starbucks or something. Like a big cold glob of cardboard.
How do you get it FLAKY?
Is it a butter vs. crisco issue? What do you use---butter, margarine, crisco, what?
TELL US
cooking techniques?
also what is in the tart cherry filling part...besides tart cherries? Do you use canned cherries?
Yes, vodka is the secret. Fudge makes really great pie crust involving vodka, it's a Cooks Illustrated recipe.
Usually when I make a cherry pie, I use homemade puff pastry that has a pretty fucked up amount of butter in it. I also use frozen tart cherries that I add a couple things to.
If you come to my house someday I can cut your hair and make you a cherry pie.
Momofuku? Is that where you went? Fudge is obsessed with that place. I have not done pork yet. My life these days is pretty much me obsessing about chicken. Barbecue chicken. Roasted chicken. A fucking bird! Feed me it! But the other meats I am not that interested in. And I think I can happily stay in this "I eat chicken now" bliss for the rest of my life. I had to shed the "vegetarian" label and had to be ok with the new me. The less hardcore me. But then more hardcore in other ways. I am ok with killing, cooking and eating animals. I especially love the communion. Who would have thought? When I feel guilty about eating candy I feel guilty because I am putting a non-food item in my body, not because it contains gelatin. Obviously quite a few people on UHX are strict vegetarians and I do not mean to judge you, I look up to you all. I just find it hard not to express my opinions about meat. And it's weird because meanwhile I also recognize that vegetarians are being harassed for their dietary beliefs. And so I will defend them forever, while believing that a strict vegetarian diet is not enough and doesn't make sense for many humans.
The gist was (if it doesn't show up again) I ate the best ramen ever today in celebration with my life partner and it was good and it had pork in it big time and I loved it.
Few things @zombieapocalypse wash your stinky ass dog. Put his butt in the tub every 6-8 days. Get a non offensive shampoo and do the treat-for-everything move. #2 crisco and vodka @Matthew I feel you on the life cereal slamming. I'm down with that, also,'homey bunches of oats wih almonds. I will eat that all. Also, wtf is a life partner? If you like it then you better put a ring on it- sayeth beyonce
I slam french fries. I will eat like 8 at a time. Dgaf homies. You got dat ketchup/moutard/ranch dressing jam? Yea, hookit up.
French fries is the candy of adult men. See: 99/100 bar food.
@zombieapocalypse yr dog is not stinky, except when he is. Dogs love baths after they realize that it's a luxury. Then you can play the fun game of "keep the dog from doing the shake-off-water shake"
Comments
It's shameful. I just thought someone being proud of gluttony approach to chocolate would be hypothetically funny, especially in contrast to classy chocolate nibbling.
HeatH
subliminal messaging to eat heath
Maybe Shoes is right.
But I freely admit to chip slamming. It's unlady-like. So embarrassing to realize you are eating most of the chips while sharing with others.
So hard to pull yourself away.
But I admit it. And I try not to buy chips because I know what happens.
I think Fudge would have no problem admitting he is a candy bar slammer. To him it's better that way. Why would you nibble? The best is to stuff a whole Mound in your mouth!
He also slams cookies.
I slam sandwiches, crackers, fruit and most meals when starving.
or also 4 nacho cheese doritos to my 1/4 cup of nacho cheese
like a blackhole
it's like I blackout and suddenly all my chips and salsa are gone.
the hand on the right says another
BUT THE GUY IN THE MIDDLE...
but i like where you are going
I am a candy slammer. So much buying of three bags of sugar food, scarfing like a dog, then having a sugar hang over for the rest of the day. Thankfully not something I do anymore... I can't believe how much sugar I ate when I was a kid in the form of StarBursts, Surge, and Mega Jolt.
You slam the candy because the first taste sets of an incredible blast of feeling in your brain. This feeling is one of immediate, infinite satisfaction. You slam the candy because you want to have that feeling forever, you want to be that feeling. I think that candy and junk food are incredibly spiritual... they cast a veil of perfection over your whole reality.
WONDERFUL
I once had a candy bar from a grocery store in Paris that was creme brulee flavored, which should be gross but really was so so so good.
I like to slam multiple snacks at once! I love tastes- salty, sour, sweet, smooth. I'll do a roundhouse slam of chip, candy, beverage, cheese bite, chip, etc.
ALL THE TASTES
every time I go to Canada I stock up.
You don't have to ship Skors, they sell them at Plaid Pantry.
Drinking all your water at once, what a nerd
one time he got into his bag of food when we were gone and slammed it so hard his entire midsection swelled up like a balloon and I thought we'd have to go to the emergency vet. Luckily he just lay on the couch like a slob, uncomfortable, and didn't eat for 24 hours and then was ok
I've seen my dog put his face in the grosses stuff, and put the grossest stuff in his mouth, but I still kiss him on his face/mouth
I won't let my husband into the bed without washing his feet but I let my dog tromp all over the house?? With his disgusting outdoors-feet that haven't been washed in TWO MONTHS?
just had a Heath to refresh my memory this morning. i guess i remembered the insides being more glass-like and shatterey? maybe this hazard is more closely associated with a Skor? maybe someone was putting glass in my Halloween candy as a kid?
Yeah. I think those days are mostly behind me.
For a couple years I was so excited to have an oven that I baked all the time and found new sweets to bake. Then one day butter and sugar together sounded gross. I could smell it all the time and felt malnourished.
Joey's specialties and favorites:
-All organic fruitcake
-Tart cherry pie
-Madeleine cookies
These are the things I will stick to baking only occasionally for the rest of my life. Baking involves too much slamming. So many things are significantly better when they come out of the oven so you eat too much of it. Baking should be social (in my life).
Savory!
Slamming "Mary's gone crackers" crackers with hummus, or goat brie, or mysterious fancy cheese you don't know the name of. PICKLES! I want to pickle everything.
Just saying.
Binge me cherry
My pie crusts always taste like SHIT. Where are the flaky salty delightful crusts of yore, of my mother's kitchen, of my friends' kitchens??
My pie crust always comes out tasting like a piece of pie you get at a diner or pre-packaged at Starbucks or something. Like a big cold glob of cardboard.
How do you get it FLAKY?
Is it a butter vs. crisco issue? What do you use---butter, margarine, crisco, what?
TELL US
cooking techniques?
also what is in the tart cherry filling part...besides tart cherries? Do you use canned cherries?
Secret recipe details to follow via freddy.
Fudge makes really great pie crust involving vodka, it's a Cooks Illustrated recipe.
Usually when I make a cherry pie, I use homemade puff pastry that has a pretty fucked up amount of butter in it.
I also use frozen tart cherries that I add a couple things to.
If you come to my house someday I can cut your hair and make you a cherry pie.
Is that where you went?
Fudge is obsessed with that place.
I have not done pork yet. My life these days is pretty much me obsessing about chicken.
Barbecue chicken. Roasted chicken. A fucking bird! Feed me it!
But the other meats I am not that interested in.
And I think I can happily stay in this "I eat chicken now" bliss for the rest of my life.
I had to shed the "vegetarian" label and had to be ok with the new me.
The less hardcore me. But then more hardcore in other ways.
I am ok with killing, cooking and eating animals. I especially love the communion. Who would have thought?
When I feel guilty about eating candy I feel guilty because I am putting a non-food item in my body, not because it contains gelatin.
Obviously quite a few people on UHX are strict vegetarians and I do not mean to judge you, I look up to you all. I just find it hard not to express my opinions about meat. And it's weird because meanwhile I also recognize that vegetarians are being harassed for their dietary beliefs. And so I will defend them forever, while believing that a strict vegetarian diet is not enough and doesn't make sense for many humans.
Matthew?
Did you remove your post about eating pork?
Getting all worked up about meat.
@zombieapocalypse wash your stinky ass dog. Put his butt in the tub every 6-8 days. Get a non offensive shampoo and do the treat-for-everything move. #2 crisco and vodka
@Matthew I feel you on the life cereal slamming. I'm down with that, also,'homey bunches of oats wih almonds. I will eat that all. Also, wtf is a life partner? If you like it then you better put a ring on it- sayeth beyonce
I slam french fries. I will eat like 8 at a time. Dgaf homies. You got dat ketchup/moutard/ranch dressing jam? Yea, hookit up.
French fries is the candy of adult men. See: 99/100 bar food.