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In this Discussion
- 1234 September 2011
- Clever_girl September 2011
- Death September 2011
- distant_shoe September 2011
- flossy_log_lady October 2011
- joey September 2011
- kdawg September 2011
- Leland October 2011
- lml__0_0__lml October 2011
- Loose_Thread September 2011
- Matthew September 2011
- MirandaJuly September 2011
- swamp_knobbler_mahan September 2011
- the_owls October 2011
- YoursTruly October 2011
How Big A Piece Of Shit Are You Today?
Me:
- have class in one hour, have done almost no planning
- have yet to eat anything today
- am wearing Goodwill sweater without having washed it first
- wish I had more coffee even though I don't need it
- am not following GOP race
- have not been to farmer's market since very first week I lived here
- am way behind on hanging out with friends (Shayla! Freddy! I miss you!)
- am way behind on hanging out with parents
- secretly think new book proposal is mostly bullshit
- eating mostly bread
- didn't apply to job that was perfect for me, only because it's in the midwest
- class was bored on wednesday so I cravenly pandered to them by imitating God talking to Moses to the humorous detriment of both; later regretted it because of possible religious kids and/or cultural Jews
- am not taking proper care of my brassieres
- wish only to read new Game of Thrones book but it's not even been written yet
- Played Pikmin for 2 hours yesterday and didn't even get through second level
- had to look up how to spell "camaraderie"
- don't want to visit my grandparents for thanksgiving even though my cousins are going and I feel guilty
- owe a majorly late phone call to my friend who had a baby and I haven't even spoken to her since
- have zit on face that I keep touching
- have not done the teeth-whitening strips I bought on impulse from the dentist
- have not gotten a library card yet
- have not written the essay prompt I have to give out next week
- want to go clothes shopping and spend a bunch of money instead of saving my money like a decent person
- did not really like "Source Code"
I STILL LIKE MYSELF
- have class in one hour, have done almost no planning
- have yet to eat anything today
- am wearing Goodwill sweater without having washed it first
- wish I had more coffee even though I don't need it
- am not following GOP race
- have not been to farmer's market since very first week I lived here
- am way behind on hanging out with friends (Shayla! Freddy! I miss you!)
- am way behind on hanging out with parents
- secretly think new book proposal is mostly bullshit
- eating mostly bread
- didn't apply to job that was perfect for me, only because it's in the midwest
- class was bored on wednesday so I cravenly pandered to them by imitating God talking to Moses to the humorous detriment of both; later regretted it because of possible religious kids and/or cultural Jews
- am not taking proper care of my brassieres
- wish only to read new Game of Thrones book but it's not even been written yet
- Played Pikmin for 2 hours yesterday and didn't even get through second level
- had to look up how to spell "camaraderie"
- don't want to visit my grandparents for thanksgiving even though my cousins are going and I feel guilty
- owe a majorly late phone call to my friend who had a baby and I haven't even spoken to her since
- have zit on face that I keep touching
- have not done the teeth-whitening strips I bought on impulse from the dentist
- have not gotten a library card yet
- have not written the essay prompt I have to give out next week
- want to go clothes shopping and spend a bunch of money instead of saving my money like a decent person
- did not really like "Source Code"
I STILL LIKE MYSELF
Comments
just had beer and a brat at amnesia
- am wearing Goodwill sweater without having washed it first
nast
- wish I had more coffee even though I don't need it
serious? i know a guy, they deliver. PM me
- am not following GOP race
it's a roose. bachman is the cat lady they get to say stupid shit so everyone will ridicule her and then come to accept the opposite she is talking about (gays and
- have not been to farmer's market since very first week I lived here
i have some friends who share our CSA and are moving to LA in 2 weeks, want to buy their share? PM me
- am way behind on hanging out with parents
my mom lives in kuwait. we havent skyped in 2.5 weeks. i am a bad son.
- secretly think new book proposal is mostly bullshit
***famous book*** was bullshit. propose away.
- eating mostly bread
better be exercising
- didn't apply to job that was perfect for me, only because it's in the midwest
didnt apply for a job because it was in london and the quarrantine for dogs is like 90 days. NO WAI am i leaving my pup like that.
- am not taking proper care of my brassieres
you live in portland? burn them all, get the ***urho pro photog*** to make a photodoc and then spend a few 100s at Lille.
- wish only to read new Game of Thrones book but it's not even been written yet
no joke, my face broke out in pimples this last week. i blame that book.
- don't want to visit my grandparents for thanksgiving even though my cousins are going and I feel guilty
call them more often
- owe a majorly late phone call to my friend who had a baby and I haven't even spoken to her since
send something fresh (coffee, chocolate, etc) and tell them you love them.
- have zit on face that I keep touching
see "Game of Thrones" book
- have not done the teeth-whitening strips I bought on impulse from the dentist
dont
- have not gotten a library card yet
someone else has my library card
- want to go clothes shopping and spend a bunch of money instead of saving my money like a decent person
you only live once. 2012 is nigh. winter is coming (buy wool!)
Got the job as the newspaper designer at college
Bought a bag of weed a week ago and haven't touched it because I don't want to get lazy*
Feel like I can legit call myself a non-smoker minus occasional drinking smokes
Wrote some new music for the first time in like 2 years and I even like the songs
Read 2 books over the past 2 weeks
and not the least of the good things going on for me right now is
I HAVE 5 PAIRS OF PANTS RIGHT NOW AND THEY ALL FIT AND I LIKE THEM ALL AND I HAVE NEVER HAD THAT MANY PAIRS OF WEARABLE PANTS EVER!!
I talk about myself too much. That sorta sucks.
*when is there going to be a video game party at someone's place?
congrats to Lip Glossary for being not a piece of shit right now!!!!
THREE CHEER
Also, I am not really a piece of shit, especially not after watching that incredible video of incredible guys dancin'. It's the best thing I have watched in a long time.
Where even are they? It's like a bunch of strangers drove up to a clearing in the woods and turned a radio on. Then they all went their separate ways.
I know someone who dances like that. He is full of surprises on the dance floor and makes everyone very happy. He almost rolls up into a ball. A joyous dancer. Maybe you know him, too? His name starts with a "D".
I have tried changing my schedule so many times and if I want to be productive at all, I have to focus on those late hours.
I could get up at 5:30 in the morning and still my day of work wouldn't really start till 3PM. Even if I am sitting at my desk with a pen in my hand the whole time, I become efficient much later in the day.
But it's not procrastination as much as it is a lack of distractions and gaining focus.
I like knowing there will be no unexpected phone calls, visits or deliveries. I also like knowing that I can't take care of other business, like going to the post office or the store. Places close for the night.
The only thing on the schedule is work.
Also, the lighting is perfect for what I do. In the daytime I find it awkward to turn on a lamp when it's still sunny outside.
The only problem is that our society only accepts one natural rhythm (the 9-5 morning-person rhythm) and that makes life hard for those differently-rhythmed amongst us.
I am a morning person though so I don't give a shit
A couple years ago there was a study that said women who work the night shift have something like 50% more chances of developing breast cancer.
It's not just about what all the rest of society is doing. That lack of day light can screw up your hormones.
Apparently when I stay up late, that jolt of energy I feel is actually my body thinking it is in distress and working extra hard to keep me sharp.
It's a bad day
Cmon weekend
is there something about staying up late itself (i.e. unrelated to lack of daylight during the day) that is bad for you??
WHOA
But the act of staying up late itself, spending so much time working in the dark apparently fucks you up. An acupuncturist told me that working past 10PM distresses some of your hormones, namely cortisol.
I had this brief but terrible period of insomnia last year and during it I read a lot about melatonin. I do know that melatonin production gets fucked up if you spend too much time in artificial lighting/stay up too late/etc. Melatonin also contributes to not getting breast cancer, apparently. so it all ties together.
I feel very lucky to be a morning person. I never thought about it much until recently, but it's totally yet another privileged subject position for me. "Yeah I'm white, I'm straight, I'm middle class, and I NATURALLY GET UP EARLY"
I usually sleep from about 1am - 8am on "workdays", which seems pretty good for my productivity levels. On non "workdays", I would say probably more like 2am - 10am? Unless I'm partying all night, in which case, ALL BETS ARE OFF.
I only believe in a boundless, infinite turmoil of awareness.
thats all.
woo
IF YOU EVER SEE ME DOING THIS, PLEASE WAKE ME UP! And make sure you get through to the "awake" me and not just the "sleepy" me because the sleepy me won't listen to a thing you have to say.
Also, if I have a plane to catch in the middle of the night I'll wake up sour and worried and my sleepy self will want to cancel everything no matter what just so I can sleep.
Luckily most of the time when I have to catch a plane I don't really sleep, I just doze with one eye open.
If I have to wake up in the middle of the night for a flight, my sleepy self will just NEVER SHOW UP. "Well fuck this, I have to wake up in 4 hours, I think I'll just disappear completely." I lie there staring at the ceiling worrying my alarm won't go off.
Such a trial!! "Sleepy self? Sleepy self can you please come here"
Things that scare my sleepy self into hiding under a rock and not coming out for 24 hours:
- clock ticking
- "weird scraping" outside window
- dogs nails clickety-clacking, making me think he's getting up to take a shit on the rug
- knowing I have to get up at any time before 7 hours of sleep will have occurred
- accidentally starting to think about loved ones dying
- red wine nightmares
- Night Terrors where suddenly the weird bump on my breast becomes terminal cancer and I haven't even had time to finish my syllabus
- worrying about the next time I have to get on an airplane
- thinking about the presidential race
- global warming
- listening to my ovaries shriveling up and wondering if I'm doing the right thing(s)
- anyone audibly doing anything whatsoever: talking, snoring, listening to music, watching tv, walking (this is much lessened by living in a stand-alone house!!! THANK YOU HOUSE)
- Gary's night breathing
- running obsessively through my to-do list for the next day, adding thing after thing to it unnecessarily
- barking dog anywhere within hearing distance
- traffic
- weird smells
It's so nice in my new home because there are no more rampaging drunk frat boys for my sleepy self to contend with. Hurrah!
Last night: fell asleep at 8:30pm, fully clothed, because I had crawled into bed to read a book (I was cold). Aside from MM forcing me to get up to brush my teeth and take off my jeans and sweatshirt, I slept until 8am. What is wrong with me? Borderline narcoleptic?
According to MM, my sleepy self is kind of like a six year old and says "mm hmm" a lot. "Are you asleep?" "Mm hmm" "Did you intend to go to bed with all your clothes on?" "Mm hmm." "Are you sure you want to conk out at 8:30pm?" "Mm hmm."
ARgggggg.
We are part bear, after all (hibernation). I'm pretty sure that's scientifically true
maybe the biggest piece ever
HELP ME