My Power Year turned out to be a real mixed bag. Just a mixed up bag of nuts from the bulk section. I surpassed my hiking and traveling goals and learned how to touch my toes for the first time in 20 years, and I think I can claim success on the Opportunities goal thanks to my post-break up Say Yes policy. Friendship, for sure- I’m probably doubled my goal of 102 hang outs, with friends new and old. Lots and lots and lots of glasses were clinked in Portland, Denver, Lincoln City… I did a poor job of documenting those hang outs, but I sure appreciated them. Highlights? A weekend in Breckenridge with my two tightest lady-bros, a convivial wine tour with an avowed vineyard-hater, the front porch confessional with Moose I described in a post a few months ago, brisk walks with Juls in the immediate aftermath, a voyage to the Mima Mounds with some cute crits, and the night at Breiten Bush with Ahab and others following our eight days on the trail. This was a year of big break ups and a few of us newly (shakily) single ladies formed a posse of sorts- cooking simple dinners, signing up for ballet classes, caring for each others pets when trips away were called for. Thank god for good friend is all I have to say. This year would have been impossible without my lovely, funny, frank friends.
But I came up short elsewhere. I don’t even think I tried that hard on my more measurable goals. Well, that’s not true. I tried for the first six months and then when school started again and my self-discipline took a nose dive. No cute pillow shams or shift dresses sewn, only about 22 yoga classes attended, just 3 1/2 songs clumsily plucked on the guitar- only one of which I was confident enough to post on the internet. Music Appreciation? I listened to and LOVED the mixes I received, but didn’t go on to purchase many new records, or attend many shows. I read some of the ambitious books selected for me by Jae and Liz, but also devoured the Hunger Games and reread the Golden Compass. All told I think I read 11 of the 18 I set out to read, and am on average 5 issues behind on the New Yorker- a trend I despise.
So here I am. Happier than before? I don’t really think so. I think I am at the same median level of happiness that I always am- namely pretty happy but not totally happy and with an occasional string of days that are sad in an unfocused way. This has been true for me my whole life regardless of job, relationship or housing status. I guess like everyone I wish the happier times lasted longer and that the sad times came less frequently. I think my Power Year, as I defined it, had the potential to make me more satisfied, but not necessarily more happy.
I think my real, essential goals for this year turned out to be: Part ways with the single most important person in my adult life and relearn to be 1 of 1 instead of 1 of 2; honor the man and grieve the relationship without succumbing to bitterness or regret. Heavier than hikes and record purchases. And in these most important though undeclared goals, I feel good. Our friendship survived intact, and though I will love him until the day I die (I love everyone I have ever loved my whole life long) I was able to make space for someone new. I’m glad that my essential optimism has remained in place and that I can look at pictures of our shared life and feel lucky to have had so many good years together, and lucky that we have more ahead of us as friends.
/Power Year.