My goal for “Friendship” in my power year was to hang out with buddies 104 times- that comes out to twice a week. In the twelve days since setting that goal I’ve:
* Celebrated my birthday with 3 separate sets of pals
* Gone to the coast with Mike and two other couples
* Had two happy hours with colleagues
* Enjoyed a comedy show with funny friends
* Attended two art openings
* Had pizza with Aaron + Mike
* Hosted an impromptu burger party
* Spent a day shopping with Rita
* Ate Eritrean food with Jae + Mike
* Etc
So I am clearly going to reach the goal of 104 hang outs. Then why have Friendship as a goal? When I set it I felt like I wasn’t seeing my friends enough, but maybe it’s an issue of not keeping up with everyone? Or of not feeling connected? In spite of the list above I’m not nearly as social as I was before I started teaching. I used to be a night owl- I went to shows all the time and was always meeting new people. Now most my social life is compressed into two hour blocks- usually taking place between work and dinner. I turn down (or flake on) a lot of invitations- either because I’m tired or because I’m nervous about showing up to stuff alone.
I need to adjust the parameters of this goal but I’m not sure exactly how. If you readers have any insights- I am open. How do I measure a goal that I can’t quite put into words?
I think if you start tracking the hang outs you will then have a better sense of what your goal should be. Perhaps after tracking hangouts you will feel like you don’t actually need to hang out with people more! Maybe the tracking will be enough to remind you how social you already are without thinking about it.
There is truth to that I think. I love my friends so much- I don’t want to denigrate the cool hang outs we have. I do feel like something is missing though.
Maybe you need to look deeper into what it is you’re missing/craving, so you *can* put the goal into words. It might take some initial tracking/analyzing to understand it… “Feeling connected” seems quite different from “meeting new people,” which is not the same as “keeping up with everyone.”
Good calls, Meg. I think it’s really about pushing to make my social time more special- maybe going on a hike instead of to a happy hour! Or maybe picking berries instead of shopping. I dunno- still working it out.
I’m glad Perfect Heart is back. Keep it up Willow!
Thanks MB!
Maybe you could tell yourself that you’re going to be riskier with your hangouts? That would encompass things like staying out later than normal on occasion, going to things by yourself, and just generally getting outside of your friendship comfort zone. GOOOOD LUCK – I haven’t left my house after 8 pm in months!
I think you nailed it Sarah. I think I’m pretty locked in to my routines- including friendship. Like, I always call this person when I need a drink after work or that person when I want to have company while watching tv. I think what I’m looking for is opportunities to go deeper with the friends I have and get out and meet some new dudes. If taking risks/making special times is the goal though the question remains- how do I track it? How do I know if I’ve achieved it?
You track it with your feelings.
You know when its not there, so you will know when its there, right?
I think tracking this project in general is good, but not all aspects will be able to be made into a pie chart (or the pie chart will be more conceptual/subjective).
Don’t be afraid to trust your own intuitions beyond the data because that’s what you trusted to bring you to this project.