reflections of the way life used to be

I’m on my way to Australia today, drinking wine at a tony lounge in the International terminal of SFO. I could write for ages about how much I love getting little luxuries for free, but I still have aging on my mind.
Thinking more about the continuum of my twenties I realize that I made some miscalculations. In my early twenties I did things just the way I should- college followed by semi-aimless adventuring. But as soon as I decided to become a teacher it’s like I put myself on this Path To Responsible Adulthood that was quite constrictive. I had this idea of what a young professionally-minded woman in her mid-twenties should be like and it involved locking down a job, home, husband, and pet. It also meant letting go of a certain amount of silliness, and embracing a more demure “adult” existence. I never articulated those things to myself, I just kept making moves in that direction, thinking I was doing what was right. It probably goes without saying that this drive for adulthood was not necessarily shared by the two gentlemen friends that inhabited my life during this period- in fact I think it was one of the leading causes of my break up with the first of the gentlemen. Thankfully (and frustratingly) the second (and current) gentleman has been largely nonplussed by my waves of marriage mania and now at 30 it’s way less of a big deal to me than it was at 25.
In fact all of the things that seemed so inevitable and important to the process of becoming an adult seem so… arbitrary isn’t it exactly, but definitely not critical. Maybe because I’ve achieved a few of them the rest seem less essential. It’s probably blindingly obvious to most people, but I’m just now discovering that getting older doesn’t have to mean following some prescribed route and turning in my Youth Pass. If my late twenties were about narrowing my path, I think my early thirties will be about broadening it out again. Doing the Beyonce dance team with Allison and her ladies feels like an amazing step down that broader path, as do the funny trips that I’ve taken (and am currently taking) these last 12 months. I feel like a part of me is thawing.