I was talking to my friend Stephen the other night- a deep homie from my Denver days. We’ve been playing phone tag for over a month, and it was so nice to finally catch up with him. We talked for over an hour, with topics ranging from comic books to dead parents to subversive bible studies. We talked about mapping human hearts- how we become cartographers of our own gifts and struggles in order to help our lovers navigate our highs and lows. As we grow up our maps become more detailed and we can help our partners avoid swamps and treacherous mountain passes.
I have been in a LOT of relationships. And it’s only now that I feel like I have a pretty solid map to offer up. I can say to a person, “Look out. This path will make me emo, but if you just detour a quarter of a mile north, everything will be totally cool.” And also, I’m really good at reading other people’s maps. I can backtrack and break trail and alter my course to make another person feel at ease. Which should be really rad, but actually means nothing at this point. You have to have a Clark to your Lewis, or whatever. Makes me sad.
It’s like with superheroes. My favorite part of superhero stories is the “seizing of the sword,” when a dude decides to become a hero. He is like, “I just want to be a normal kid, doing my stuff, living my life. But I’ve got this power, and if I don’t use it the city will be destroyed, and besides that I would be betraying myself and the people I love if I didn’t own up to this.” And then the hero stops the speeding train and saves the pretty lady who will never know the true identity of her savior. Good bit, right? Except Stephen and I talked about how becoming the hero, accepting the gift, is just the beginning of your troubles. Heroes are always lonely, always in danger, always on duty. It’s a rough life. No wonder Batman is such a jerk.
I’m not saying that I’m a hero, or that heart-mapping is a superpower. I’m just saying that coming into your own doesn’t mean that you’ll be happy, that’s all. (Clearly my superpower is not making people who read my blog feel good. Sorry.)
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Two comments…first, it is tough being a hero. But I don’t think that Bruce Wayne is a jerk because of all of that stress and loneliness. He’s a jerk so that people won’t get close to him and so that he can avoid all of that drama.
As far as relationships go though, I think you got it right by making this comparison. There is a lot of selfless stuff that goes on in a good relationship that others will never realize…sometimes, that’ll even include your partner. But in the end, those selfless acts are what make the world a better place.
I hope that makes sense. It’s 1:30 in the morning here.
Have you ever read Joseph Campbell? If not, I think it’s high time you picked up The Hero With A Thousand Faces!
This reminds me of a conversation I had with Farhad about relationships being like video games, where you learn more and pick up better tools every time you advance a level. Denver boys and their comics/video games analogies. :-)
Oh, Sonny.
I should’ve known not to be flippant in my references to Batman, You’re right- he’s more complicated than all that. At least he has Alfred, though. And later he gets Robin, although Robin may be more trouble than he’s worth.
Thanks for your thoughtful words, though. Yeah, the citizens of Gotham often don’t even know they’ve been in danger, let alone that a masked man has risked everything so that they can continue to attend glamourous circuses and stuff. Wait, I guess they see the bat signal. Hmm. Maybe they’re more in the know than I allow. But those Metropolis dudes? They have no idea. And Spiderman’s New York… well. You get the picture. A hero’s life is a lonely one. No doubt about that.
I can’t wait for the 3rd X Men movie to come out. I literally can. not. wait.
So…when you say “he gets Robin,” are you implying something? Hehe…j/k. I do like the abundance of superhero references though. But let’s not distract you from posting pictures of your blonde experience. We haven’t forgotten.