worn down

Hours logged on EdZapp Sunday: 4
Hours logged on EdZapp Monday: 3
Anticipated number of hours to be logged today, Tuesday: 5
I am worn down. This whole process is so draining, and I’m just starting it! Mike asked me last night what the worst case scenario would be, and of course it’s not getting hired anywhere for the Fall. But honestly, that wouldn’t be SO bad. I would sub for the year, make good money, be mellow. I’d have no responsibilities and a flexible schedule. Of course I’d be in the same position I was in when I was a waitress living on tips alone, not having the stability to budget ahead in any meaningful way. And I would have to go through this whole process again next year, which at this moment sounds like a terrible, terrible nightmare. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world. And I will probably get a job soon anyway.
I was thinking this morning about how I don’t have a whole lot right now that’s lifting me up. My friends make me feel good, of course. But they have their own hard times right now, and while we are all taking turns caring for each other, there’s not a lot of joy being passed around. A lot of love, not a lot of joy. And then it just so happens that my relationship is in a rocky spot at the moment, and remaining patient, calm and positive takes more energy than I’d like to admit. I need something special to happen soon. I need a long hike, or a long drive, or a killer dance party to pump me up. I need a cool visit with an old friend, or a fun project to sweep me up and distract me. I’m starting to work on my submission for this year’s One Minute Film Festival, and that might just be the ticket. Last year I made a (short) drama, this year I’m making a (short) comedy. I’ll post it here after the festival.
I should change the name of my blog to “lots of complaints repeated over and over again.” Sorry, dear readers. It will not always be this way. I hope. I mean, I promise.