Almost a Master

My classes end on March 1st. Today is February 18th. So, yeah. In eleven days I will effectively have earned my Masters degree. I will be a trained teacher. I mean, I still have to finish my student teaching, and in the summer I’ll take a few reflection classes. But ultimately, I’m done. And that is REALLY scary! I keep having these waves of panic. Where am I going to work? What if I don’t get a job? How am I going to finish the massive amount of coursework that is due in the next few weeks and still find time to update my resume, build my portfolio and buy proper interview clothes? Some districts in my area begin the application process in March. I have to get letters of recommendation together! It is stressful! And some people in my cohort are building websites. Should I build a website? I don’t know how to do that! But I’ll be competing against people who have one, so maybe I should have one. And that’s another thing- I am about to compete for jobs against my cohort friends. I don’t want to do it! I want all of us to work together at a school! The thought of being pitted against any of them makes me feel a little sick.
And then in addition to homework and job prep there is also the small matter of filing my taxes so I can apply for financial aid. It’s due March 1st, but I haven’t gone near it yet. You know in cartoons when the robot is forced to process too much information and it starts making that whirring/sputtering noise and then bolts start flying from it’s head? That is how I feel.
I know that I will be a good teacher. I have weaknesses, but I know what they are and I’m working on them. I don’t take rigorous enough anecdotal assessment notes. My mini-lessons are inconsistent. But those things are easily fixed with some careful planning and attention. The broader skills- relationship building, creative lesson planning, classroom management and flexible teaching- I have down pretty solid. So why am I so incredibly freaked out?
I want to close my eyes for a while, and then when I open them I want all of this hard, stressful stuff to be over. Okay? Thanks.