TWILIGHT AGAIN

Lindy West fanpage mode, again, I know, but I really could not resist, not at all, where she reviews Twilight based on like, an US weekly special edition tribute to the movie:

“Page 50: This is a very important page where we learn things about Taylor Lautner, a muscular child who middle-aged women enjoy masturbating to. Firstly, we learn that Taylor Lautner’s first starring role was as something called a “Sharkboy,” which is a shark with the face of a boy that middle-aged sharks enjoy masturbating to. I would like to press charges against the entire earth (also, I will be contacting King Triton in the name of sea-justice [SPEAKING OF KING TRITON, WHY ARE YOU SO ELDERLY BUT YOU HAVE THE PECS OF A SHARKBOY!?!?]). The second thing we learn about Taylor Lautner, Sharkboy of the Land™, is that his plan for Hollywood success is the “Tom Cruise model.” I look forward to his upcoming animatronic nuptials to Mimi Rogers.”