Last night we did watch a terrible movie. I wish there were a lower rating on Netflix than one star. This is a film called “Tightrope” which is about Clint Eastwood wearing a very weird Saints hat and t-shirts tucked into jeans and collecting stray dogs and then putting handcuffs on prostitutes and then there is a man in a clown mask who kills the prostitutes and is the killer inside Clint Eastwood omg?
It is basically a movie made by the sexual fantasy of America’s 13 year old boys, as were most movies made in the 1980’s for some reason. The moral crux of the film is Clint Eastwood becoming disturbed by how stressed out by women he is. He’s trying to stop this serial rapist murderer, but does some part of him also want to rape and murder women? Just your average moral dilemma felt by your average decent guy, no biggie. A lady from a rape crisis center decides to date him even though she knows about the handcuffs and the prostitutes and the moral dilemma (see above re: your average guy’s general musings upon gender and how it’s no big deal, apparently). We see a long scene of the rape crisis lady leading a women’s self defense class in which she carefully shows everybody how to scratch out a rapist’s eyes, break his knees, bust his balls, elbow him in the solar plexus, etc. Gary, student of filmmaking that he is, said, “oh–so she’s going to ultimately fight off the serial killer! Cool.” According to the very basic laws of filmmaking this ought to have been true, but said I, “Oh Gary, you forget that this was made in the 1980’s. The killer is going to attack her and she is going to stand there helpless and trembling before his powerful male rage and physicality and she is not going to do a single thing we have just seen her do, which is not only stupid but honestly just poor filmmaking. And then Clint Eastwood will actually save her, thus somehow resolving his inward moral dilemma about whether or not he actually wants to rape and murder women.” And Gary doubtfully said, “No….I think she will fight him off,” and I said “Oh Gary, you are truly a sweet babe, please to rub my foot instead of the snoopy’s foot,” which made him mad because he says I always get “all of the snoopy” when we watch movies, which is true because I take what I want when I can get it, I’m in this stupid game of life to win.