If you think we’re turning on the fucking oven in July, you’re nuts. However, a man cannot throw a pizza party on macaroni salad alone, so we did this. And it worked! Thanx to Lesley, Michael and Greg “Summer Babe” Buss for making this happen. Tips on how to actually do it below. In the meantime, familiarize yourselves with “Chelado-style.”
Smoked Pizza
Serves 4-5
1 serving of pre-made dough
1 Tbs. corn meal
1cup fontina and parmesan cheese (optional)
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 head garlic, peeled only
1 lbs. asparagus spears
1 lbs. crimini mushrooms
3/4 cup marinara
6 – 8 1-inch rounds of fresh mozzarella (optional)
1/4 cup mixture of fresh rosemary and lemon thyme
Sea salt and black pepper to taste
Equipment:
Grill, tin foil, spatula, swimming pool
1. Since you’re going to be placing this pizza on a hot-ass grill for no more than 5 or 6 minutes, the dough needs to be pre-baked. Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. Pound it out (or buy it store-made) and stretch it onto a large pan or pizza stone that you’ve oiled and tossed with a pinch of cornmeal. If lactose is cool, throw on 1/4 cup of the shredded fontina and parmesan for that “it’s not delivery, it’s Digourna” look. Bake for 15 minutes.
2. Peel your garlic, but don’t chop, and sauté cloves on low in a sauce pot with olive oil. At the same time, bisect your asparagus spears, splitting in half lengthwise, so they’re super skinny. Bring a pot of heavily salted water to boil and toss in asparagus for 2 minutes, so just barely tender. Strain and remove.
3. Cool your pizza crust and garlic (save the oil for something else) and cut your mushrooms, herbs and optional mozzarella. (If you’re not using cheese, throw on artichoke hearts, raddiocchio or hearts of palm or other extra toppings that will go well with the smokiness of a barbecue).
4. Heat your grill. Take a dip in the pool and a hit of the bottle. Dry off. Put something more substantial than flip-flops on. Make sure coals have cooked off initial flames.
5. Prepare your pizza by covering with sauce, shredded cheese, veggies, mozzarella and herbs. Cover the grill with tin foil (do not grease!) and then transfer pizza carefully. Cover the grill and cook for about 6-8 minutes, checking often. Once dough starts to blacken in places on the bottom, you gotta move quick. Transfer back to a flat surface, cut and serve.
Beverage: Miller Chill (it’s not good!)
Soundtrack: Boyd Rice’s Music for Pussycats
how is that chelado style chill?
oop. (it’s not good) i now see.
BUT IT’S BEERVASA!
Pretty much the worst thing we’ve put in our liver. But we were extremely nice to the couple that brought it, not wanting to seem snotty. Give us a Tecate and a real lime with actual salt, anyday!
Now, the gimmick of such a product existing, we are kind of in awe of. Is chelado even a word? Impressive.
You have a filthy mouth!