Playing Ketchup

Ketchup, red gravy, sauce American — it may no longer be the most popular condiment in the U.S. (salsa) but it still rules over all of us, a timeless classic, and all told a pretty shitty sauce. However, this red goop has an undeniably sexy past.
Not only was the stuff invented before any dudes named Heinz or Hunt even discovered the tomato, it was originally made from pickled fish, and when brought to the New World people tried making it out of mushrooms.
We happen to think it has an even sexier future, in the right hands. Consider that a precursor, or maybe a threat: We are about to splatter this site with weirdo catsup recipes. But let’s warm into it shall we? Here’s a fairly tame but ridiculously sweet recipe for a basic, homemade, stovetop, slather-it-all-over-your-plate ketchup given to us by our good food friend Meagan Y.
Ketchup
1 large tomato, chopped
1 whole canned tomato, with juice
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
1 clove garlic, minced
1 Tbs. cinnamon
1 Tbs. cayenne pepper
1 Tbs. fruit jelly (strawberry or grape)
1 green onion, chopped
1 cup cane sugar
3 Tbs. corn starch
1/3 cup water
1. Put a small saucepan on low heat and combine both the fresh and canned tomato (with a couple spoonfulls of its tomato sauce) and add the vinegar, garlic and cinnamon. Stir and prod for 4-5 minutes to break up the canned tomato. Then add the rest of the ingredients except for the sugar and heat on medium for another ten minutes or until bubbling.
2. Slowly add the sugar, stirring throughout. Bring back to a bubble.
3. Make a slurry with the corn starch and cold water. Slowly add while stirring. The sauce should thicken considerably.