Wavy Gravy & Sage Biscuits

There are times in life when you find yourself groggily waking up with the sun, only to find a house full of passed-out party fiends littering the path toward the kitchen. And though they may be deep within drug comas, as soon as you start cooking yourself a plate of food, you know they’ll all start rising. There’s only one thing you can do: take another hit of the sunshine acid and fix up a pot of bubbling veggie gravy.
Vegetarian Gravy
1 leek, diced
1/2 green apple, diced
1 basket button mushrooms (8 oz.), quartered
2 large stalks celery, chopped
8 oz. dried mushrooms (porcini or other)
2 cups mushroom/vegetable broth
2 cups milk (2%), warm
1 box meatless sausage links, chopped large
6 cloves garlic, chopped
2 shots Canadian whiskey
4 Tbs. maple syrup
1/2 cup sherry
1 stick butter
3 Tbs. flour
1 tsp. dried sage
1 tsp. dried thyme
1 tsp. fresh parsley
Salt and pepper to taste
Dash of hot sauce
Biscuits (if tripping, use store-bought)
1/2 cup cold milk (2%)
1 egg
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 Tbs. finely chopped sage
3/4 cup chilled unsalted butter
For biscuits: Preheat oven to 425°F. In one bowl, whisk together milk and egg. Set aside. Blend flour, baking powder, salt, sage and black pepper in food processor or large bowl. Add cold butter and pulse, or quickly blend with your fingertips, until mixture resembles coarse meal. Don’t over-mix this shit. Add milk mixture and process just until moist clumps begin to form. Transfer dough to a floured surface and knead until dough holds together. Roll out dough to 1/2-inch thickness. Using a floured 2-inch cookie cutter, cut out biscuits. Transfer biscuits to a large nonstick baking sheet. Bake until golden, about 12 minutes.
For gravy: Put a large pot on medium heat and add half of the butter. Once bubbling, add the leek and garlic, and sauté for 5 minutes. Then add the celery and quartered button mushrooms, and sauté for another 5 minutes. Add sherry and set on low. While the veggies cook down put the dried mushrooms in a bowl with the parsley, thyme and sage. Then add 2 cups of boiling mushroom or vegetable broth and let the liquid revive the mushrooms for 5-10 minutes.
Heat a separate skillet on medium and add 1 Tbs. of butter. Then add the faux sausage links with the apple. After sautéing for 3 minutes, add the whiskey and maple syrup and toss (beware of flames). Set aside.
Turn heat up on the pot and hit it with the mushrooms and broth, then add warm milk and the sausage links. On a plate, coat the rest of the butter with flour. After stirring and bringing close to a boil add the coated butter. The liquid should thicken significantly–if not, add more flour (1 Tbs. at a time) until it gloops. Add sage, salt and pepper and a dash of hot sauce. Now let it simmer for 30 minutes.
Beverage: Strong coffee, whiskey shots.
Soundtrack: Love’s Forever Changes