Colonel Kurtz’s Napalm Bahn Mi

We’d like to think that when Marlon Brando was getting ready to emerge on the set of Apocalypse Now he started gorging himself on something that was regionally specific. He wanted something that would keep him cool and satiated in the jungle, something that would soothe and excite his sizable abdomen when Francis Ford Coppola pumped him full of drugs after butchering cows and freaking out in front of Playboy Bunnies. “I don’t need to read the script,” he thought, “I just need another goddamn sandwich.”
This is our take on the most old school of Franco-Asian fusion: Bahn Mi, the fresh and awesome Vietnamese baguette sandwich. Make one of these and terminate…terminate with extreme prejudice (serves eight).

The Sandwich
1 brick firm tofu
1/3 cup chickpea flour
1/3 cup all purpose flour
2 cups canola oil
1 Tbs. sea salt
1 Tbs. garlic powder
3 medium carrots
1 large shallot, minced
3 Tbs. grapeseed oil
3 Tbs. seasoned rice wine vinegar
3 Tbs. minced lemongrass (or 2 Tbs. lemongrass paste)
1 lime
1 small bulb ginger, skinned and minced
2 Tbs. ground black pepper
2 baguettes
4 cups cilantro leaves
4 jalapenos, thinly sliced
2 cups mung bean sprouts
Sriracha & Basil Mayo
1/2 cup mayonnaise (or sub veganaise)
3 Tbs. Sriracha hot sauce
3 cloves garlic, minced
5 basil leaves, chiffonated
Slice the tofu width-wise, leaving thin rectangles. Mix the two flours together and coat the tofu thoroughly. In a shallow pan heat canola oil on high and fry tofu, flipping to crisp both sides. Season with a pinch of salt and garlic powder when removed from heat. Wait until cool then slice into thin strips.
Skin the carrots and cut them in half lengthwise so you can slice them into thin, long strips like the tofu. Set them aside. Mince the shallot and steep in oil, vinegar and lemongrass. Zest the lime, juice it, and add both to the mixture. Skin the ginger, mince it and add with black pepper. Whisk. Drench the carrots with dressing and let sit.
Slice each baguette length-wise, being careful not to sever both halves. Pick all the leaves off your cilantro, and slice the jalapenos. Slather one face with Sriracha mayo. Pile on tofu, carrots, sliced jalapenos, mung bean sprouts, a drizzle of vinaigrette, and cilantro in that order (use more cilantro than you think is necessary). Slice and serve. “Smells like…Victory.”

Beverage: Stone’s Ruination IPA
Soundtrack: D Yellow Swans’ Psychic Secession