Curses, Movable Type and your auto-publishing glitch. What I meant to say in the previous fake entry: Kathleen Hanna’s Julie Ruin T-Shirt contest has been killing me, so lodged-in-the-mold many of the designs have been. Reminds me of the staid body politics themes of 60% of the new works hallowed in the (important) feminist wing of the Brooklyn Art Museum, a reminder that if we cannot get past second-wave signifiers in our visceral expression, it may ultimately reflect a dangerous lack of peripheral vision. I shall revisit this shortly, however, because now I’m plopped amid the raucous living room conversation of GIRL DORM, aka the moniker of my abode, with 3/4 of GIRL DORM (myself, Durga, Rachel) plus two-month powerchiller Jesse (who temporarily alters our marquee to read “GIRL DORM + 1 DUDE”). Not an ideal place/moment to contemplate the future of my relationship with feminism qua Feminism as I have known it, such a life-enabling and long-festering topic in my brain. Jesse’s streaming Chameleons radio, a podcast of brooding 1980s new wave quasi-hits and John Hughes soundtrack outtakes, and just asked me what type of music The-Dream plays. This has naturally truncated my already-wrought Sunday attention span. Until the calm in a few hours… look at this picture courtesy Lex.

I twitted the above question with zero expectations. The answers received yielded some… interesting results. Here they are, in the order received.
JessJubilee: patchouli and dreads and breaks
russmarshalek: MOTHER FUCKING BIRKENSTOCKS. also unshaved armpits, toms of maine and animal collective.
russmarshalek: plus that dude in HS who smoked weed in his dad’s car while listening to korn’s “got the life”
jwordfish: that episode of xavier:renegade angel. “burning person.” (a laugh-a-thon.)
ilirjana: White people in crocs with fire sticks. FEAR PERSONIFIED.
AsteroidBelt: Super Herpes.
djayres: Bassnectar, weird experimental Danish architecture, bushy pubes, mad max bicycles, giant diy robots, shrooms, spirit animals.
youngelz: germans in pleather w dreads named udi
pmon: ugh. After burn in SF…such a sad look. Don’t want to get all angry in 2010 so will stop there.
JessJubilee: STDs
skinny412: dusty equipment, hippies, dubstep, b-o, the photog who toured w me and izza kizza
ianmeyer: burning man == sex tents. *shudders and vomits*
ARIESNOISE: free dick. dirty food. das racist. that’s racist
pmon: there is the most awful pretentious piece in SF Chronicle about the burn and how it will break open your skull to a new world.
Mr______X: I’m there ! RT @djayres: @jawnita experimental Danish architecture, bushy pubes, mad max bicycles, giant robots, shrooms, spirit animals
masfina: utilikilts and piercings, a van powered by cooking grease and burlesque fire breathers
filmcynic: Patchouli. Hot Patchouli.
djstilllife: re: burning man, honestly, @djsmallchange, Rubulad, and a more eclectic music selection than yr average loft party
RichterFit: Spending Mom’s money. Driving Dad’s van.
AS FOR ME, BASED PURELY ON GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH AND MASSIVE GENERALIZATION, I THINK OF WHITE PEOPLE WITH DREADS, SAN FRANCISCO, CULTURALLY INTERLOPING TATTOOS, AND TRIBAL. :( ALSO PEOPLE WHO DECORATE THEIR APARTMENTS WITH OLD MANNEQUINS AND BABY DOLL HEADS.

“never’ “worth’ ‘it”‘

The urge to make lists at the end of years/decades/centuries and/or the back of your magazine is extraordinary and mind-breaking. I labored over my Pazz & Jop this year, partly because I listen to SO MUCH MUSIC that I loved I know I forgot some things, and the albums section turned out super bootsie cuz I didn’t really listen to full albums like that. A few years ago we just made shit up (is this still the funniest thing Sasha ever wrote?). Fuck I forgot to put Beach House on there. A rather more accurate way of listing I SUPPOSE is to look at the 25 Most Played on iTunes, which weirdly differs from my top played on my iPod, which weirdly differs from my 25 Most Played on the iTunes on my home laptop. This shit is imprecise. BUT HERE IS WHAT I LISTENED TO ON MY iPOD. LIVEBLOGGED! LIVE IT, LOVE IT!
1. Yoyo, “You Can’t Play With My Yoyo”
Still my favorite song ever written. It’s like my bible/life-guide and I’m not even kidding. All my dates involve slow jams and Cisco and I totally do keep a real small gat in my purse. A REAL SMALL ONE. At the FADER edit staff holiday party I got tipsy on Jameson, started iPod DJing and rap-synched to this front to back. Pretty sure Schnipper fell in love with me that night. Sorry boo, my heart belongs to another.
2. Big Boi f. Konkrete, “What’s that Smell”
Why did snap music die? The snap dance was so fun to do (second only to the Walk it Out) and believe me I am very good at it. This song is so dope and it’s ALL ABOUT WEED! GO FIG.
3. Ghost Town DJs “Shorty Swing My Way”
Breezy booty bass w/R&B vocals is imprinted on my soul and this is possibly thee best example of it. It has occurred to me that this is why I also love UK Funky so much. Is this a perfectly written/executed song? Jermaine Dupri, WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING yet SO WEIRD AND SQUISHY?! No really JD is kind of unheralded for everything he’s done for contemporary music. So So Def Bass All Stars / Rhythm & Quad series shaped a fuckin generation. Plus there’s THIS AND IT IS TOTAL HEAVEN.
4. Nicole Wray f. SAS, “Back Up Against the Wall”
I have this thing about Nicole Wray. I think she’s theeeeeeeee best young R&B singer of our time, man, but nobody rates her. She’s better than Keyshia, better than JHud, also who the fuck is Leona Lewis? Yall need to get off Solange’s dick and holler at Wray. She dropped a decent album in ’98, did vocals on like EVERY Dipset mixtape ever (including a version of “Shorty Swing My Way”), had the cutest best roller skating jam Hot 97 played in the summer of ’04 (“If I Was yr Girlfriend”), dropped an OK song this year and is supposed to put out another album but you know that shit is coming in Nevuary of 2036. Bummer. This song is amazing and I am not mad at UK Dipset members SAS even tho on this song they totally sound like Aesop Rock with that guttural lump in the back of the throat dealie.
5. Peter Scheurman-Nussbaum Jr. “SO SAD ABOUT SPARX RIP SPARX”
This is actually “Freaky Freaky” by Electrik Red but I got it as a promo real early on cuz I wrote a feature on them in the FADER so I mislabeled it in case someone broke into my iTunes or something. More on this later.
6. Rihanna f. Jay-Z, “Umbrella”
I mean duh. I wrote an essay about this being an antiwar pop song for Pazz & Jop 2007 but it’s not online but someone recommended it on Jewcy. I’ve never been on Jewcy before but sometimes people of the Jewish persuasion also think I am for some reason. I get this a lot–Lebanese people always also think I am Lebanese. Mexicans always recognize me as one of their own though. Not sure what that’s about. WAIT NEVER MIND I FOUND IT
7. Lil Wayne “Upgrade U freestyle”
I mean duh. I wrote an essay on Drought 3 when I still had a column on Pitchfork that was pretty much better than anything anyone else wrote about Drought 3, and also perhaps the peak of my writing career. I will never write anything that great again probably. JUST PLAYING! I murder it every day. I’m a monster, every day is Halloween.
8. Emynd “Knee Deep Theme”
This is a track my friend Emil made interpolating P-Funk with Bmore club and it bangs so I choreo’d a dance to it. Yeah dogs I do that kind of thing. I’m a dancer!
9. Ciara “Rattla”
This is an outtake from her last album I found on the internet. Kind of a followup to “Oh,” totally about donks, I grew up a Mexican in Wyoming where hydraulics are the harbingers of sex so you know, I can relate.
10. Electrik Red “Freaky Freaky”
See above. I also choreographed a dance to this one. You know Electrik Red, right? They are like The-Dream’s Vanity 6. He wrote their whole album and it’s fucking amazing but totally slept on mostly cuz Def Jam fucked up working their album and put like zero promo behind it. I’m still pissed cause I love this album. This song is pure sensual molasses.
11.The-Dream f. Mariah Carey, “My Love”
I mean duh. You know I was the first person to interview The-Dream nationally? “Shawty is the Shit” came out and I called him up for Vibe.com on some labor-of-love tip. It was on the old Vibe.com so it’s not up but I think I have a screenshot somewhere. Anyway he’s the homie, always remembers me and is THEE sweetest dude ever. REALLY have to take issue with those knickers he wore at his wedding to Milian though.
12. Lauren Flax f. Sia, “You’ve Changed”
This is a perfect house track and Lauren made it ON A PLANE. Sounds like summer.
13. Emynd “Reach Out”
Why the f do I have two Emil joints on here? This one is good, too, though. It’s “I’ll Be There” on a Bmore club beat so it has the advantage of being MOTOWN.
14. Diamond, “Time to Get Paid”
15. Diamond “Run Yo Mouf”
From the Mz. Booghetto mixtape. Another genre I will always love is the down-south female posse cut. My favorite example of this was “Ready 2 Rumble” by Lady C, Ms. Monet, Dee-Dee and Ms. Unique, from a super small run/bootleg Memphis-based mixtape I had from a LONG time ago called Southern Raw Divas. I have since lost it and am perpetually googling it to see if anyone put it up on the internet. If you have it, please do that. It was on Free-Toes Records and it was a thing of beauty.
16. POPO “Comin to Get You”
17. POPO “Pay the Price”
18. Toadally Krossed Out! “Toads Theme”
19. POPO “Kill Tonight”
These songs will forever remind me of March 2009, when A. we had a Mad Decent showcase at the FADER Fort at SXSW and B. I first met Popo bros AND THEY WARPED MY MIND.
20. Vybz Kartel f. Spice “Rampin Shop”
Erin brought this one back last fall after Jamaica fashion week as the MOST PLAYED SONG EVERYWHERE. Clearly it took about eight months for Hot 97 to get on it but shit aint the same or maybe even worth it since they had to censor out approximately THE ENTIRE SONG. The only thing imperfect about this track is the homo-hate which we obviously do not fucks with. Side note BIG UP to Distrito Federal aka Mexico City for recently legalizing gay marriage. Even amidst what is tantamount to a civil war they still manage to be more progressive than America’s hateful assez. Fuck you for real if you don’t fux with gay rights. Speaking of, the best part of this song is the TRIUMPHANT AND GLEEFUL chorus where Vybz and Spice sing in unison, “I CANT STOP FUCKIN YOUUUUU!” YEAH!
21. Blank Dogs, “No Compass”
I’m such a gothic bitch! I love Blank Dogs though I wish dude were weirder instead of just some dude who works at Academy Records. I want him to be more like the chick in the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black. We went over to her apartment in the East Village one time for some reason (her brother is some guy in Jawbreaker that Jessica knew or something) and she was, no joke, watching Blackula wearing some wispy outfit and she had not only a GIANT CROSS in her room but a LIFE SIZED STUFFED SHARK that she said she climbs out of during shows. That’s so amazing! I love that chick!
22. Ellie Goulding “Starry Eyes (Jakwob RMX)”
Pete thinks Ellie Goulding sounds like the yelps of a trapped pixie-faerie (or something) but I don’t know, I think her high voice is sweet and extremely feminine. HMMM. That new song does feature quite a bit of yodeling though. The Jakwob RMX is an awesome dubstep reworking that maybe neutralizes the lovely flutters of her vox. You know in case it is too feminine for you! SNAP!
23.MNDR, “Sparrows”
I think MNDR has huge pop star potential and it’s also rad because SHE IS THE BIGGEST SYNTH NERD OF ANYONE I’VE EVER MET AND YO, I KNOW SOME GIANT ASS SYNTH NERDS. SHE WILL OUT-TECHNICAL ANY OF YOU DUDES. READ HER BLOG! IT’S STUPID CONFUSING! This song makes me sad John Hughes is dead so he can’t make another movie and soundtrack the joyous final makeout scene with this.
24. Freeway f. Jay-Z & Beanie Siegel, “What We Do (Dirty)”
Do you really need me to rant on how I kind of hate Jay-Z a little bit because he broke up the Roc? I would have done so before Beanie Siegel started being whiney but now it feels unnecessary. Freeway is still one of my favorite rappers. His new album with Jake One is actually super dope! and I was worried cause frankly a lot of Jake One’s beats are boring to me. But it works. Aw man, Beans. You know what else this reminds me of? The best blog ever written by my friend Chris Ryan, GABE SAID WE’RE INTO MOVEMENTS. It’s all letters to Jay-Z and it’s genius because Chris is the best writer on the internet for serious. Music critics can twit ma beez. He wrote this entry for me if I recall. Gabe is Gabe Tesoriero, who is our friend and also like VP of PR at Def Jam. Chris was writing Rick Ross’s bio for his first album and wrote about how Rick Ross was a MOVEMENT and Gabe was like “YEAH WE’RE INTO MOVEMENTS.” I think.
25. L-Vis 1990, “United Groove”
I think L-Vis is a crazy genius, he’s so good with any style. Did you know he makes videos also? Like as a job? He directed the video for “Who’s There” by Riton & Primary 1 and some other things I can’t remember. So that’s cool.
I think it is weird that my top 25 on my computer does not match the ipod one. What is up with that?

Last year during winter break my blog proj was dictated to me by Sam–I would blog about anything Sam wanted me to daily i.e. this Mystikal video and “THAT TIME I WORKED AT THE COMIC STORE.” This winter break unless Sam sends me topics again I’m just going to do LIVEBLOGS cause that shit is fun as hell. Prior to this I have only liveblogged three things: the season premiere of Gray’s Anatomy, the Super Bowl, and the reissue of Pearl Jam’s Ten. Today I will liveblog the video for “Rainbow in the Dark,” a piece of contemporary music written and performed by the Brooklyn-based rap group known as Das Racist.
[FULL DISCLOSURE: I KNOW THESE DUDES, MORE THAN A TEENY BIT BUT LESS THAN A TON. I WOULD SAY I KNOW THEM SOMEWHAT MODERATELYISH KINDA? I DON’T KNOW ANY OF THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS. FYI.]

The director of this video, @jwordfish (ACTUAL NAME), twitted that this is a kind of paean to Ghostface Killa’s “Cherchez la Ghost” aka best rap vid of all time (HE HOLDS UP A WAFFLE YALL), which is fitting since the beginning of “Cherchez,” with the passed-out party aftermath, is how I imagine a lot of mornings are for Das Racist. NO JUDGMENTS, I’M WITCHYU. I’ve already seen this vid like twice (ok more than that, shout to Vic’s topwang) but I haven’t really had a chance to “unpack” my “thoughts” (see: topwang).
The beginning with synchronized leg-dancing seems to involve some sort of thermal/Hypercolour technology and reminds me of going to the Exploratorium science wonderland in San Francisco when I was a kid and/or fucking around on Photo Booth for Mac (internet-era art zeitgeisty), so big up to that. Also big up to @jwordfish (ACTUAL NAME) for taking the concept of a rainbow in the dark literally. What does rainbow in the dark mean? It’s probably some academic shit I don’t know about (i.e. this) but I personally think it refers to the idea of people of colour being societally “invisible” c.f. Ralph Ellison maybe. Moving on.
The “I’m at the White Castle/I don’t see you here dog” phone shot is my favorite part of this whole video. Also a little stab at being literal, and the cam pan from Vic to Hima underscores their funny line, a sort of classic-feeling shot you’d see in older rap videos and/or House Party. Are Das Racist a kinda Kid n Play for the oughties/tensies? I would actually not be mad at that, I loved Kid n Play and those dudes got underrated/misunderstood in the ’90s same way DR is seen by a lot of people as ONLY “Combination Pizza Hut / Taco Bell” (or “Taco Pizza” as my cousin calls it) and or “hipster rap” or “joke rap” or whatever shit yr lazy ass wants to call it. I think this era in particular a lot of people [CRITICS] tend to see playfulness in rap music as unacceptable and/or illegitimate, which is complete revisionist bullshit. Heard of Eminem much? Also who cares? Remember when Soulja Boy came out and that shit was the best shit ever but everyone was all OOH TOO JOKEY WE NEED RAP TO BE SERIOUS. I mean when Cam’ron did his jokey shit it was kinda mean-spirited and gangsta so ppl were down for it even tho he was basically rapping like, onomatopaeias out of children’s books. Also CAM’RON DON’T DANCE. Which automatically makes him a sucka. Getting off topic here but I super want DR to have a pajama jammy jam, but instead of a pillow fight there will be discourse. Actually there will be discourse DURING a pillow fight. Then we can finally have the LONG AWAITED DANCE-OFF
Moving on! A. did they actually buy anything at that department store (my guess: yes) B. why is Hima carrying an acoustic guitar thru the department store like some kind of Norteno dude C. these bishes are wearing American Apparel! Also, NICE POLAND SPRING PRODUCT PLACEMENT. This vid is depicting a day in the life of normal people steez but on some spastic-ass ADD-ass shit: go to White Castle, grab some miniature food, then head to the gianormous cheapshoppe on like Fulton Mall to pick up some $29 sweaters (Rainbow Clothes 4 Hoes maybe–NO JUDGMENTS, I’VE TOTALLY GOTTEN SWEATPANTS WITH SHIT WRITTEN ON THE ASS THERE), chill with your friends and then, you know,
KICK IT IN AN ALLEY FULLY NAKED EXCEPT FOR SOME KIND OF HEADPIECE.
Man. Topwang. Pube garden. Not gonna lie, the first time I watched this video me and my trusted homegirl Chioma talked about Vic’s TW/PG for like at least 2 minutes. That’s the desired effect, right? I mean as an artistic choice I can see why he wanted to get buck… for one it’s a nice role-reversal on the concept of the naked video chick–as far as I know a rapping dude hasn’t been naked in a video since Lil Cease let the monkey out–and it’s exhibitionist sure but there is something above-and-beyond in yr face and spectacular in the dictionary sense about it, and with the rubby girls who look like they’ve been doused in champagne it’s very orgiastic and Dionysian… also maybe a send-up of the ridiculosity of rap vids while imitating them on some bootleg/low-budge/DIY shit. Riding the line, essentially, which is DR’s whole deal I think.
OH SHIT RAINBOW CLOTHES FOR HOES, THEY REALLY ARE THERE! BIG THE FUCK UP! I now like this video about 40% more.

Okay more chilling, slight dance movements and then I’m like what is the Tupac picture naked-man handoff thing about? Are these guys selling those shitses on the low? Is this the “drug reference as metatext scene”? Why am I using the word metatext when I don’t even know what it means really? BMX biker coordinated wheelies reminiscent of E.T., that one Bat for Lashes video, that one Animal Collective video, The Karate Kid and the “I want my two dollars” kid from Better Off Dead. Also that movie Rad. Adds an element of paranoia, like are those their homeboys or are they about to get jumped by a bike gang? If you live in NY that’s the question of the century. Why is this person walking so close to me? Am I seriously bout to get gangked for my Blackberry, $13 and a pack of smokes? Anyway Hima’s line about being “so pomo” is basically the whole steez of this video and/or life… it’s so normal, just some dudes fucking around, but it’s also extremely surreal, a sort of Platonic proscenium (AYO) for the track, so that the rainbow heatwave parts seem even more real because they’re of the “new media” art oeuvre that Cory Arcangel does and Michael Bell Smith does better and maybe Victor Vazquez’s face imbued in a twelve-sided die of rainbow space particles is just as tangible as the weird shit going down in Brooklyn on any given Saturday night. INTERNET AGE DUDES
SHOUT TO HAROLD & KUMAR INTRO AND ESCAPE FROM GUANTANAMO BAY OUTRO ON THIS SONG
UGH doing this is making me tired cuz I’m hungover and it’s Christmas and I want to boil a yam for dinner.
ADDENDUM: Ahem. I just realized Rainbow in the Dark probably refers to Rainbow the store. If so, I like the song AND the video approximately 80% more. Rainbow Clothes 4 Hoes is thee best store ever for copping last-minute glitter night-out options and/or sweatpants with phrases stamped across the arse, topped only by Mandee in Atlantic Center Mall. SHOUT OUT TO MANDEE.

BEWARE THE EYE OF THE BIRD

Oooh, two entries in one day! The occasion: the release of Leighton Meester’s new video with R. Thicke, unembeddable thanks to the Dorian Greys over at Universal Music, which I BEEN psyched for. I actually think Leighton has an awesome voice and I can see her music career getting a lot further than yr little sister’s used pile with the Lohan/Duff/J.Lo? jackas. Shout to Olivia Burke. However, all I can think about when watching this video is Robin Thicke’s ALLEGED freaky deaky sex life w/coke and threesomes, the OG McSteamy and Noxema girl up in this piece, particularly when that Paula Patton lookalike shows up grindin next to Leighton. WAIT THAT IS PAULA PATTON. SKEEVY. I love Thicke–interviewed him a couple times, he is totally the shit–but did they not think it would be slightly disturbing that he’s like dad age compared to L and is like all rubbin up on her B-cups. Then again, hot young NY/LA girls dating their dads not exactly media-created mantasy. Is this the new realism? Daps to her for droppin a full-bore cupcake video like this and not fearing her sex tape repercussion, I guess. Actually daps to her publicist for getting that shit out the discourse so fast, you only heard about that for like three days. Back to the video–do ANY of these lyrics make sense to you? It’s almost to the level of throwback spam jibberish. Thicke is all like ‘nobody ever did it quite like this’… okay, standard brag, and then he tops it off with ‘nobody ever did it quite like you.’ Porque? Did your BBM get erased dude? Also, JE T’ADORE. JE T’ADORE. MAKE A MOVE. DO DA THANG. TURN AROUND. STRIKE A POSE. What does it even mean? Do I care? Am I still gonna play this on our radio show? Shit yeah. Leighton Meester and Gossip Girl are hypersexualizing teens, oh wait TEENS HAVE BEEN HYPERSEXUALIZED SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. IF THIS WAS CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR YOU’DA BEEN WIFED AT AGE SEVEN. FAMILY TIES HAD A CHARACTER NAMED BONER. THEN KIRK CAMERON GOT ALL GODBODY. THIS CHICK GETS TO MAKE OUT WITH ED WESTWICK LIKE EVERY DAY.
Whoever styled this is a BOSS. I know there’s a lotta chatter about the over the knee boot as SKANK 311, but her gold ones w/no pants and bun are sending out mondo chic signals. And L’s preternatural gorgeousness isn’t even afflicted by the elevator scene where her eyebrows look like tarantulas. Is Joan Crawford coming back?

in between listening to this song by jinder and bok bok on constant renew, i am hanging out with my coworkers trying to out-gross them by taking it just like one step too far. lots of balls jokes. we got an email from some rnb promo co named ‘SOULPHISTICATED’ and i immediately was like SOUL FISTING. GET FISTED BY SOUL. who am i/what have i become/type shit. p.s. this post is really gonna fuck up my google analytics game, PAGE VIEWS, PPL. WHO AM I?
anyway. the point of this post is to say i have found the PERFECT piece of surrealist experimental japanese horror. apparently it played at BAM a couple weeks ago and my beardo comedian homeboy CARL BENNETT of Vice TV’s HOTTDOGS –which you need to see– put out a red alert on facebook, but i missed it. i regularly FUX HARD with japanese horror (the other day pete was over to borrow a dvd and was like… ‘you own suicide club? i find that deeply weird.’ ) but mostly i’m up on the newer classic/obvi stuff–takasii miike, battle royale and whatnot. apparently the ’70s stuff is all totally freaked out like this. i’m sure there’s some essay about the japanese post-apocalyptic vision in film somewhere that i will google later.

BUT if you want to talk about contemporary AZN television, i’m totally yr girl. i live for that stuff. recently i’ve been getting into ghost friends, about a girl whose two friends die in a car accident and she is suddenly able to talk to the deceased. AND IT’S A RIOTOUS COMEDY. also looking forward to MOMO LOVE starring Jiro Wang Dong Cheng, this Taiwanese actor/pop star with whom i’m completely obsessed. i mean he is such an adorable babe plus he’s not afraid to rock mosquito net as an accessory

plus look at him on the cover of MEN’S BODY. can you imagine a non-gay porn men’s fitness mag in America putting this twink-y ass pic on their cover or what


should i be embarrassed that this is my fifth post on jiro wang? he’s like my pattinson, what can i say.