KELLZ-IAN AWESOMENESS.

R. Kelly’s show tonight was the best arena show I’ve ever seen. The finale was Kells in a white suit with coattails and a grip of frontrow audience folx onstage stepping, singing “Happy People,” then a “Happy People” medley: “This Christmas” theme song, then “Joy & Pain,” then the “Love Boat” theme song (!!) then the theme to “Welcome Back Kotter” (!!!), then, as a gazillion sprinkles of silver and white confetti rained down from the ceiling, New Year’s Eve style, he went out on the theme song from “Good Times.” I thought my heart would burst open with joy. At the end of a three-hour set that included at least the chorus from most of his hits, it was genius. He thanked us for supporting him through thick and thin over 17 years, perhaps knowing this might be his last tour for a time (trial TK), and exited like the true maestro he is. I was elated, mesmerized.
One thing that was interesting – hearing his songs all back to back like that – as he’s gotten older, his songs have gotten younger – he was writing grown ass ballads in the ’90s, and now it’s all kidz-bop and rap hooks, jeep beats for anony club-sex-uppin and rain-making (also in a medley – “I wanna sex you up” – also in a medley, after “Make it Rain” – dude comes out in purple hoodie w/guitar, purple light cast on his shrouded face – in throwback to Prince’s Purple Rain, he says, “Dearly Beloved… we are gathered here today… to have sex. Do you think I can make it rain?” w/ guitar solos.) He’s 40 or whatever but did all his mixtape hooks – “Promise,” “I’m In Love with a Stripper,” T-Pain’s “Shawty Snappin,” “We takin over,” – which are his biggest hits of the year. Oh except for “Same Girl,” which he did not sing, but instead had one half of the arena sing his part and the other half sing Usher’s, for the entire 5-minute, complicated song. It was kind of a disaster, but at one point Nick was like, “this is actually experimental.” Like theatrical performance art.
More later – there’s too much to process. It was a show in three movements, with crazy props and lots of sex talk. Two videos, no guest stars (who needs em?) and a cigar and a cane encrusted in swarovski crystals that he waved around like an erect penis.
tomorrow I will tell you about his interpretive /ridiculous “Zoo” dance – which he started laughing at midway through – yo, he knows exactly what he’s doing. It was like rated-r community theatre.
We missed J Holiday, saw three songs by Keysh – “Love,” a cover that i can’t remember right now (Prince? Madonna? someone like that) and “Let it Go.” It’s crazy – the first time I saw her perform, she was at Nokia Theatre wearing a pink Juicy tracksuit and all alone on that stage with a mic. This time, she was super highfashioned out (high-waisted shorts, silver gucci boots) and had 9 dancers and a routine and a full band. She’s come a long way. Her merch sucked though – the t-shirt was total H&M graffiti style, like kinda bootleg and not that interesting. The t-shirt I got at her “The Way it is” tour is black w/her name on it in glitter, and has a heart with a silver glitter dagger through it, exactly like the tattoo that covers most of her upper left arm.
Audience people kept yelling for Ne-Yo, which was awkward. But not as awkward as the woman who screamed, “I’m 13, Kells, come and get me.”
The alleged reality, the elephant in the room like fat joe, the non-reconcilable possible-truth.