DARKCHILD IS FUCKIN UP THE GAME

Before we get into it, I just wanna say: These are, as Pete pointed out, the last few days to wear white pants with abandon.

Now. I have long been of the opinion that Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins is the scourge of the universe. He was good in the ’90s, but for the past, like, three-five years dude has been seriously Scott-Storching his shit (aka phoning in the same “signature” beats/melodies), and yet every corpo R&B singer feels the need to give him nine quattajillion dollars for tracks in which he half-assedly plunks down some over-muted beats and that dramatic synth stab he puts in everything and only ever gives the singer like two notes to warble over a dead-in-the-water chorus – all just because that one time, he wrote “Say My Name.” Like Storch, people go to him cause he’s familiar, supposedly catchy, and they think an already semi-familiar radio single will get people to buy the album, which may or may not be the case, but it doesn’t matter anymore because, you know, who cares about albums. Let’s take a look at dude’s recent track record:
Beyonce “Deja Vu” – mega underwhelming
Megan Rochell “The One U Need” – bad song + Def Jam = her album’s never coming out
Shareefa “Need a Boss” – love this song, but illustrates the above two-notes theory
Bobby Valentino “Turn the Page” – zzzzzz
Natasha “So Sick” – I guess the two-note theory works here cause Natasha can’t sing for shit
Danity Kane “Hold Me Down” – perfect example of how dude writes action-movie scores, not pop&b tracks – i picture D. Woods dodging explosions and doing stop-drop-and-rolls under red sports cars. emotion? PAH!
Ciara “Can’t Leave Em Alone” – hmmm. there’s something familiar about this – oh yeah it’s basically Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 U”
Which leads us to: “Shoulda Let U Go,” the ill advised second single from my fav singer Keyshia Cole’s new album. HE RECYCLED THE SAME BEAT/MELODY he used in Mary J. Blige’s “Enough Cryin”? FOR SHAME.
I can barely speak about this, I am so furious.