ZEITGEIST HAPPENS

Yesterday was Zach Braff’s 32nd Birthday.
Related: Last night a gang of us went to this bar up the street. They were iPod DJing pretty good old hip-hop (somehow Ghost Town DJs got played twice in a half hour?), the bartender was a dead ringer for DJ Drama, and the crowd was 70% people who seemed interesting, chill, and who I would actually want to talk to. The other 30% were yuppies. Unfortunately, as I was getting my designated one glass of wine, some dude bumped into me and I ended up splashing 1/4 of the glass across this woman’s back, accidentally. Wine was red. Shirt was white. Woman was a yuppie. I apologized profusely, as it was an accident, but she was weird and paggro about it, effectively squashing my first inclination to buy her a drink to make up for my clumsiness. Instead, I apologized a few times, offered to get some seltzer to wash it out. She seethed and stared at me from under incredibly well-coiffed brows. I could do nothing else but walk away. And I realized that weird, stifled, passive-aggressive behavior is the reason yuppies can only express anger through road rage.
Then some obviously wealthy, 40 year old South African dude tried to wife me by saying, “CIAO, BELISSIMA,” holding my arm proprietorially, and asking me if I’d ever been to Italy. I was like, “I AM JUST TRYING TO GET DOWN TO JERMAINE DUPRI! AGAIN! THANKS FOR THE RING, I’LL BE GOING NOW!” Earlier, Yaisa and I were discussing how wack it is when NY Times always reports on the “marriage crisis,” that career women in NY cant find dudes to date unless they quit their jobs, based on some bullshit faked statistic that is meant to coerce us into paranoia. If anyone is truly sweating this, I can hook you up with South African Ciao Belissima and he will totally take you on vacation.