all-[cable] access jamaica

When you have TIVO, you are eating at the all-glitz Vegas style magic-spread buffet of mass television… but you are missing out on Brooklyn Community Access (BCAT), the homemade paper-plate spread at the block party. I have just discovered Jamaican television on three separate BCAT channels: a Bounty Killer live interview and videos by Junior Kelly, Foxy Brown, Damien Marley, followed by “Ghetto Girl Films”: women in Jamaican flag bikinis oil-wrestling, plus video of the Girls Gone Wild Bikini Bikers Fest, in Jamaica, W.I., (Connie: “What is WI–Wisconsin?” “Yes, there is a secret warm city in Wisconsin where Jamaicans enjoy wintering”) featuring a group of five teen girls’ choreographed spectaculara to a dancehall track i did not know.
Channel flip: four women in camo cheerleader outfits dancing at the Chim Pum Callao Restaurant in Yonkers, NY (chimpumcallao.com). Another BCAT station is airing footage of a “Thiry & Over” party in Queens, at a convention center, with “over-thirties” dancing close to “Lets Get it on” in their best chiffon gowns, a few wearing tiaras and sashes after being crowned “MRS. 30 and OVER.” Next channel, someone’s home video of Trinidad Carnivale 2004, a posse of ladies in fire-orange feather headdresses, bikinis and fake Gucci sunglasses singing, stomping–the cinematographer is a bit directionless, but still.
At 12:30 we’re watching “Mackin with Christ.”
To all this i fly my flag: fuck tivo, fuck satellite crapbtle, fuck whatever because I have three channels of Jamaican home video programming on my second-hand Panasonic! FREE TV, GOODBYE WORLD.