where my dogs at?

short story relayed by my housemate:
“This guy was telling me at Seder he got paid $100 to DJ a dog’s birthday party. He said he made lots of jokes like, “Yo, this one goes out to Rover! You’re MY DOG!!”
Tonight, various conditions beyond our control sent the household’s collective meta-feng shui into snarls and snafus. For inspiration, we broke out the SweetTart SweetHearts, left over from Valentine’s Day, and looked at our fortunes. Most of them were mundane/trad in the “Let’s Kiss” or “TLC” vein, but unlike Kirk Cameron, technology has not left SweetHearts behind. Other romantic Valentines included:
URA10
Page Me
Go Girl
E-Mail
IM Me
Fax ME
And, inexplicably:
Let’s Read
Book Club
Like, among the selection committee of five 13-year-olds advising SweetHearts phrases, a mutinous Luddite hijacked the press: “Ulysses!” “Multiplication tables!” “Chess match!”