Too Many Matt McCormicks

You really become aware of how many people share your name when you Google yourself. I have no more right to the name than anyone else, but there are just way too many Matt McCormicks out there these days. McCormick is a fairly common last name (I just met another McCormick last week at the Urban Honking bowling team tryouts) and Matt is as common of a first name as there is, but I am always caught off guard when I stumble into something referencing a Matt McCormick that isn’t me. I am happy that the majority of Google hits are in reference to me (i consider those the ‘real’ matt mccormick links) but I am always curious about the other Matt McCormicks out there. There is the philosophy professor in Sacramento, the “slot-back” for the Cal-Poly Mustangs football team, the professional hockey player in Canada, and a computer science student in Wisconsin who loves snowboarding, just to name a few. Then there is the guy who owns the domain www.mattmccormick.com, who I think is a twentysomething year-old entrepreneur from Tennessee who blogs on his site about his business and church activities. He politely declined when I offered to buy the domain from him last year, but advised that I look into the mattmccormick.net website, which at that point was owned by a Matt McCormick who lived in Brazil and was in a heavy metal band.
But the only Matt McCormick that I really have a problem with is one that lives right here in Portland. I have never met him, but because he doesn’t have his name listed in the phone book I have been getting calls for him for the past 10 years. I have received calls from his distant relatives, ex-girlfriends, and bars that he forgot to pay his tab at. He also has a horrible habit of not paying his bills and then disappearing on those he owes money to. I could care less about his personal finances, but the first place the collection agencies go looking for him is in the phone book, but instead of finding his phone number they find mine. The collection agencies call me, looking for him, and persist to call until they are 100% convinced I am not the one they are looking for. Credit collection agents may in fact be the most horrible people on the planet, and anyone who has ever gotten behind on their bills knows how persistent they can be. They call everyday, they call twice a day, they call at 6 AM, they leave nasty messages on your answering machine. At first I was afraid that someone had stolen my identity, but now it’s become so routine that it’s almost like receiving calls from telemarketers. It’s always a headache to deal with, but at this point I have figured out how to shut them down quickly and must admit that having the opportunity to tell off some collection-agency-shit-head can be a wonderful stress releaver. But the amount that I know about this other Matt McCormick is freaky. I know that he is behind on several credit cards, and has been in trouble with just about every utility company in town. I know he used to live on SE Morrison and drive a red Toyota 4-runner (both of which were probably repo’d). He was/is married to a woman named Bernice, but maybe had an affair with someone named Alison. He once had a troubled cousin or sister go missing, and he recently left his credit card at Sabala’s nightclub. His middle initial is A and I know the last 4 digits of his social security card. Luckily I have only received phone calls for this guy, and nobody has ever come knocking on my door.
But overall, I suppose that I am pretty fortunate. I know a guy up in Seattle named Jerry Garcia, and I can imagine that for him, Googling himself must be a terrible experience. I’d also bet that he must get some ridiculous phone calls, especially back before the Dead Head Jerry Garcia passed away. So many stoned hippies calling in the middle of the night “dude! is this really Jerry Garcia?! Awesome!”