90/1000: Terminal Gravity ESG
JB: Mike, we’ve been drinking this all summer.
MM: We were going to call it the “official beer of the summer.”
JB: Can we even do that any more? It’s too late.
MM: Steve has been calling it that.
Jona: Our summer is going to run into October.
JB: So, let’s do it. Beer of the summer.
Jona: I haven’t had it all summer, but I’ve had it before.
JB: I don’t want to claim that I “discovered” this beer, but I discovered this beer when I went out to Wallowa County in June. Everyone has it on tap out there.
Jona: I tend to buy beer based on its graphic design.
MM: Would this one pass?
Jona: No, it looks like a baseball team.
MM: It should be called “ASG” for “Awesome Summer Golden.” Then it wouldn’t get confused with ESB.
JB: Why do you like this beer?
MM: I like that you can drink a lot of it. It doesn’t come on too strong, it’s not bitter, but it still has a distinct and good flavor.
JB: That’s the whole story. It’s really drinkable, but it’s not thin. Instead, it’s delicious.

91/1000: Full Sail Session Black
MM: It’s a premium dark lager.
JB: Like Negra Modelo? I don’t even know what that is.
MM: It tastes like barbecue.
JB: Like barbecue sauce.
Jona: I just ate some barbecue sauce, so I couldn’t really tell.
JB: You know how barbecue sauces have chocolate or coffee in them? This has that same vibe.
MM: Wasn’t the original Session supposed to be a limited-time thing?
JB: Yeah, but it was really popular, and they kept doing it. So, do you think this is a “Session”?
MM: No, not really. It’s not thick and chewy like a porter, even though it’s dark.
JB: I wouldn’t want to drink, like four of these.
MM: That seems like a problem, since it’s called Session. Good, but not great.
JB: I won’t get this instead of a 12 of Sessions. Those are so perfect.
—
MM: Can we do a little aside?
JB: …
MM: I’m sorry about all the wine I’ve been drinking. I sometimes feel that it’s better than beer.
Jona: It’s better.
JB: Mike, why are you drinking wine?
MM: I don’t think one should have to defend one’s love of a fine beverage.
—

92/1000: Hell or High Watermelon Wheat Beer
JB: I hate a lot about this before we start drinking it.
MM: It’s from the Twenty-first Amendment Brewery.
JB: Watermelon? Is it supposed to taste like watermelon?
MM: “Wheat beer, fermented with watermelon, with added watermelon juice.”
Jona: That sounds good.
JB: I …
Jona: You’re grossed out by it.
JB: Mike, why did you give me such a big one?
MM: You’re really going to like it.
JB: The watermelon isn’t overpowering. It’s way back there, it’s the watermelon flavor of Jolly Rancher, but none of the sweetness.
MM: It’s a true watermelon taste, not artificial.
JB: Really?
MM: But I see what you mean by Jolly Rancher. But really none of the sweetness.
JB: It’s mostly aftertaste. It’s normal until it’s out of your mouth.
MM: I really like this.
Jona: Me too!
MM: It’s a weird beer that tastes good.
JB: So, you’d get it again?
MM: Yeah! I bought this six-pack and was excited to share it with you.
JB: What’s it for? I don’t understand!
MM: Mike, the guy at the beer store, said he likes it, but just one at a time.
JB: As I continue to drink this, the aftertaste seems to ramp up, and get more badder.
Jona: It’s like sangria or something.
Mike: If you had to Netflix-star rate this, what would you give it?
JB: One or two. I haven’t decided.
Jona: “Hate it”?
Mike: It’s still beer.
JB: Yeah, but remember that Pandan beer? That was bad. You know, it’s not even just the flavor. It’s a lack of comprehension. I don’t understand why.

[An Xbox 360 is on in front of the drinkers.]
Jona: Mike, let’s play.
Mike: We have to drink beer.
Jona: I am drinking beer. I like it!
88/1000: Ninkasi Spring Reign Ale
Josh: This a spring seasonal? I always think it’s going to be a brewery’s excuse to brew a light beer. But this is far more flavorful. What do you think, can you taste it?
Mike: I can taste more of it than I could yesterday. It’s bright.
Josh: It’s hoppy, it’s bitter. That’s what I’m more surprised about.
Mike: I think I’m missing the hoppiness. I can’t taste it.
Josh: I wonder if there are specific beers designed for you to drink while you’re sick.
Mike: They should make a beer with a decongestant in it.
Josh: Then they would be regulated by yet another agency.
Mike: Doctors could prescribe it.
Josh: I don’t think I’d go around suggesting this to people expecting a spring beer. I like it —
Mike: You don’t think it’s a session beer?
Josh: I get why they think of it as a spring beer, but it’s going against expectations. It’s refreshing, but it’s also more intense than what you’d usually get in spring.

89/1000: Bear Republic XP Pale Ale
Josh: Did you like the Bear Republic 95 Pale Ale?
Mike: I liked the Me edition.
Josh: Bear Republic CE, anyone?
Mike: Then you could take it with you.
Jona: I like it. It’s very good. The aftertaste isn’t annoying, like a lot of beers. It’s fizzier than the other beer, too.
Josh: It doesn’t have hardly any aftertaste. It’s got a round toasty flavor. More malt, really. I’d also say, not pale. In color or flavor.
Mike: It does say “Golden colored ale.”
Josh: They’re trying to reinterpret, then.
Mike: [reading the bottle] They also want us to come visit them.
Josh: I’d be happy to.

J: Let’s start it up.
M [tastes]: This is so boring.
J: What is it?
85/1000: Schneider’s Wiesen Edel-weisse

M: Nothing I say matters in this entire blog post, because I’m so stuffed up from allergies.
J: I will definitively rule upon this beer, then.
M: I want to compare this to Hamm’s. Just to see how dead my senses are.
J [tasting]: Mmm! You can’t smell? This has a strong and remarkable smell.
M: I can’t smell anything at all!
J: It’s herbal. It’s a got a piney taste, and a woody bitterness that lingers. You’re getting none of that?
M: It’s … cold. And wet.
J: You’re in no state to be doing this. Do you have a prescription?
M: No.
J: You need to go to the doctor. Have you ever heard of Allegra?
M: I tried Claritin. It doesn’t work.
J: I’ve never seen this beer in a bar before, but it has enough flavor, for someone whose taste buds are working, that I would seek it out.
M: I would say that I’m enjoying it.
J: But that doesn’t mean anything.
86/1000: Bridgeport’s Fallen Friar

J: It’s a Belgian-style Tripel. I just tasted it, and I’d say it’s true to its type. But that’s a bland thing to say. How does it taste to you?
M: Oh, it’s different from the other.
J: I’m just impressed you can tell.
M: I’m really interested in what you have to say about this.
J: Very straight Belgian trippel, really. Citrusy, wheaty…
M: I wonder if the citrusy is what’s getting through. I wouldn’t have said that but I can perceive pungence, and something gets through. It’s an interesting way to “taste” beer.
J: I would say if this is cheaper, or more available, you should get this instead of an actual Belgian. It’s straight-up and solid. If it’s not, get a Belgian. Unless you’re all about stimulating the local markets in these challenging economic times.
87/1000: Laguntias “Undercover Shutdown” Double IPA

M: What do you think of this?
J: I think it’s dark. I haven’t tasted it yet. But, dark for an IPA.
M: Doesn’t smell like anything. But I couldn’t get air through my nose. Oh, it’s sharp like a knife. God, I wish I coud taste it! It’s so weird to be able to feel it and not taste it!
J: The high alcohol, you could probably detect that. It’s like, a vapor effect, not a taste. Can you?
M: Yeah, I think so.
J: Beyond that, it’s like a milder version of the 120 Minute IPA.
M: I think that if I could taste it, I wouldn’t like it as much as I do now.
J: I like it more than the 120 Minute. It’s actually drinkable. But I need to say something more substantive about this.
M: I’m sorry to lay it all on you. I could talk about the carbonation comapred to the last one. If that’s helpful.
J: No.
M: This is the only one that leaves me with an aftertaste.
J: Can you taste that?
M: Well, an aftersense.
J: I’ll tell you, I don’t know when you’d drink this beer. Like, for a special tasting. For to experience something new. But I think they just made it because it’s sort of a prestige category of beer. But there are very few people who actually want to drink it. This is where we and the deep beer nerds differ. They celebrate this.

(84/1000)

82/1000: Allagash Tripel Reserve Belgian Style

JB: I can’t help but think that this is Portland, Maine horning in on Portland, Oregon territory.
CB: Is there a rivalry between the two?
JB: No, because we are so much better than them.
MM: We think it’s probably more them being jealous of us.
CB: So there is! This is great.
MM: “Pour slowly into wide-mouthed glass.”
JB: No, more slowly!
MM: You can’t control it. It’s gravity. It says to toast to a special occasion. How about to the bad weather of New York, without which Caleb would have returned home by now?
JB: This is a Belgian trippel. I’ve had a lot of those.
MM: It’s good, it tastes like it’s supposd to.
JB: It’s less sweet and more bitter than a trippel usually is, though.
CB: I thought it was going to be a lot more sweet.
JB: I think if I’m buying an east coast trippel, the Ommegang stuff is better. You know, the Chimay wannabe.
CB: This is actually pretty easy to drink. I wasn’t expecting it to be. I expected it to be kind of gross.
MM: Me, too. And the label is so bad!
CB: It says that it’s appropriate as an apertif, and that makes me think it’s going ot be really sickly sweet.
JB: Is there a beer they’d refer to as a digestif?
MM: I want to find that one. So, with the packaging, there’s not actually a picture of a witch on it, but it seems like there would be. And that’s a problem.
JB: Classic beer label fiasco.
MM: Do you think it’s easy to make this kind of beer?
CB: I don’t know how to make any kind of beer.
MM: But I mean this isn’t distinctive in any way, maybe they’re just using the “Tripel” recipe that’s kind of standard.
JB: Could be. Let’s move onto our next beer.
83/1000: Gordon Ale, Oskar Blues Brewery, Lyons, Colorado

CB: I’m excited for this, cause it’s in a can.
JB: We love the can.
CB: It’s very in vogue to drink from a can, which is fine with me.
MM: In some ways, I prefer it. I like a can of beer.
JB: But what the hell is the deal with this beer? You got a four-pack of cans for ten bucks?
MM: Ten-fifty.
JB: And it doesn’t really say what kind of beer it is.
MM: They make other canned beers that come in a six-pack, so this is weird.
JB: They say “If you knew Gordon Knight, this ale needs no explanation. If you didn’t, we’re sorry.” What is that supposed to mean?
MM: Is he a Nike guy?
JB: I don’t think he’s a Nike guy. But I’m left needing their explanation, and with their apologies.
MM: So, let’s drink, then look it up.
CB: It’s not as strong as I thought it would be.
JB: It reminds me of something from Dogfish Head. Maybe because it has that fresh-hoppy thing that they like to do.
MM: These are both high-alcohol. This one is 8.7% and the Tripel was 9%.
CB: Those high-alcohol beers will fuck you up. Normally, you go and have three or four beers. And three or four of these would fuck you up.
MM: So what’s the deal with Gordon Knight?
JB: I almost don’t want to know. Like, who cares about your faux mythology. But I’ll look him up. Realbeer.com is the first hit. They say he died in 2002 after a helicopter crash while fighting a forest fire.
CB: So he was just a dude?
MM: Not even a beer dude, just a dude.
JB: Uh, no. He did beer things.
MM: He’s a time traveler. He went back in time and invented beer.
JB: He was winning beer awards in the early nineties and hopping from brewery to brewery. Basically, he was a really good beermaker. But he didn’t make this beer. It is simply a tribute to him. I wonder if he would be pleased with it.
MM: Has this beer won any gold medals?
JB: No.
MM: I would have to say, then, that he wouldn’t. But this is good.
CB: I like it. I don’t think it has to be in a can.
MM: But it’s designed for camping. It says “pack it in, pack it out.”
JB: Okay, I went and did some research just now. It has, in fact, won several medals.
MM: Gold?
JB: Gold, Bronze, Beer of the Year, and others.
MM: Then it truly is a tribute to Gordon Knight. We should toast him with the remainder of the Allegash Tripel Reserve. Because it’s good for toasting.
JB: And this one isn’t.
CB: No, we shouldn’t even be drinking this out of glasses.

JB: “Kelpie”?
MM: It’s brewed with kelp. At least they’re not hiding it. Let’s crack it open.
JB: No, it might have a strong flavor. Let’s start with the weak beer.
80/1000: Iron City Beer, Pittsburgh Brewing Company

MM: We’re having this because they won the Super Bowl. [toasting] To the Steelers!
JB: How much of this got drunk last Sunday?
MM: Oh, man. It was on special at Bridgetown Beerhouse.
JB: I meant in Pittsburgh.
MM: And all over the world!
JB: I’m not sure how well it’s distributed. I mean, in the last couple of years…
MM: It’s popped up as a competitor to Pabst. Pabst got too cool. It’s not a sweet as Pabst, which is nice.
JB: On the other hand, it hasn’t won a blue ribbon. This beer, it just goes right through. It’s totally inoffensive.
MM: I really like it when it’s really cold, but by the end of your first pint, after it has warmed, it’s just good enough. If it sits out a bit, it can be sort of rank. But other than the Super Bowl, when does one drink Iron City beer?
JB: When you play softball in the park. Take cans of it rafting.
MM: Why wouldn’t you just take Caldera?
JB: You don’t always want a strong beer, you want a drinking beer. It’s a summer thing. Or if you’re trying to drink for cheap. I bet you can just about always get someone to buy you an Iron City. Maybe not a microbrew, but someone will spot you an Iron City.
81/1000: Kelpie Seaweed Ale, Heather Ale, Scotland

JB: Kelp in my beer, that’s what it was missing. That’s what’s been wrong with beer all these years.
MM: You probably didn’t know that prior to the 1850’s, there were many Scottish Ale houses …
JB: I can’t write all this, it’s boring. Get to the kelp part.
MM: …The fields were fertilized with seaweed, which flavored the barley.
JB: That’s kind of cool, actually.
MM: But they’re not doing that. They’re re-creating this effect by including fresh seaweed in the mash tun.
JB: Well, that’s not the same at all.
MM: Seaweed, they call this kind “bladder rack”, taken fresh from the water on the coast, is mashed in with the malted and roasted barley.
JB: But you could mash anything in there.
MM: You’re looking for a rich chocolate ale, which has an aroma of fresh sea breeze, and a distinctive malty texture.
JB: Thanks for all the expository reading. I find myself highly skeptical.
MM: Do you want me to tell you the ingredients?
JB: I don’t.
MM: They are as you might expect. Though they don’t mention it being “bladder rack” in the ingredients. I’m excited about the sea breeze aroma.
JB: Let’s try it. Do you get a sea breeze aroma?
MM: No, it just smells like beer.
JB: It just tastes like beer, too. A dark beer.
MM: I think we got a bad batch.
JB: By “bad” you mean not tasting like the sea?
MM: I can’t detect even a hint of bladder rack.
JB: Scotland has produced better than this.
MM: Name names, give me three.
JB: 1) Clynelish Scotch, 2) Groundskeeper Willie, 3) Plaid. All easily better than this.
MM: It’s a good idea, though! Picture the Scots out brewing their beer, and they notice there’s a lot of water around. They used that to make their distinctive brew. It’s like the Douglas Fir brandy that’s made here in Oregon.
JB: Which is terrible!
MM: But it’s a good idea.
JB: Idea, solid. Execution, uninspired.
MM: I would be happier with this if it tasted worse, and I could taste the seaweed.
JB: I don’t know why they didn’t do it the cool way they described. Fertilizing it with seaweed.
MM: They don’t need to, they have artificial fertilizers.
JB: They shouldn’t tell me about it, then. I didn’t know about that. They set themselves up and then knocked themselves down. I wouldn’t buy this again.
MM: I wouldn’t either.
JB: Maybe if there was an ocean-themed party.
MM: You might buy it based on the label, yeah. If you knew someone who collected seaweed or seaweed-related items, you might buy it for them.
JB: The novelty does not buy it many points in my book. It’s just a novelty name, in fact, since it doesn’t even come through in the flavor.

JB: More and more of these are going to be located at “Mike’s House” now that the beer store is next door.
MM: We’ll do some in different rooms, and then we can label them differently.
JB: Okay, what are we drinking?
78/1000: Lagunitas Pils, Petaluma, California
MM: I really like the “net contents” of this beer, which I assume is like the ingredients. Twelve fluid ounces of malt, hops, yeast, and water.
JB: Nothing that doesn’t belong.
MM: Right, it’s kind of what you want in there. Do they do that on other beers? Hmm, we’ll get to that, I guess.
JB: Well, we got this because we had kolsch earlier in the day, but the beer store didn’t have any for us to blog, because it’s really not the season for kolsch. This does the trick, though.
MM: It’s more of that Euro-style “crappy” beer. Like it has something in common with Heineken. It’s not as bad as Heineken, but it belongs to the same genre. It’s funny to me that no one does a micro-brew in the style of Corona, for instance. Being in Germany recently, I had some pretty bad beer, that felt related to this.
JB: But you like this, yeah?
MM: I’m glad I got the whole six-pack of it, I’ll enjoy it. Sometimes I feel that the fact that I prefer a kolsch, or this Czech-style pilsner, means I’m sort of a beer baby.
JB: Well it’s not about toughing out beers you don’t like, it’s about finding what you like.
MM: But you should eventually find yourself enjoying beers that you didn’t enjoy when you started.
JB: We’re only at 78.
MM: I’ve been drinking beers since 1998, though. When did you start?
JB: Just about the same time. I didn’t like most beers when I was a college kid.
MM: I could drink when I was 19, because I was in Germany, but I didn’t like beer when I was there.
JB: Let’s talk about this beer. It’s more bitter, less fruity, and heavier than the kolsch we had earlier.
MM: But I would never describe it as bitter.
JB: Because this is a pilsner, I expected it to be even lighter. I’m glad it’s not. I didn’t want a Budweiser.
MM: Budweiser is what ruins the name “pilsner.”

79/1000 Laughing Buddha Pandan Brown Ale, Seattle, Washington
JB: Of all the Pandan beers I’ve had, this is my favorite.
MM: It says it has the aroma of “pandan leaf” and a “palm sugar” finish. We were talking about the net contents of the Lagunitas… This one says “malt beverage with pandan leaf added.”
JB: That doesn’t really clarify it for me.
MM: I want to point out how incredibly pleased I am that their logo, while being a Buddha, does not show the smiling face or giant belly of the traditional Buddha. With the name of “Laughing Buddha,” you would expect the logo to be so ugly.
JB: They were pretty restrained and graphic.
MM: They’re trying to be kind of classy, with their mildly Asian font.
JB: Now, you’ve had this before.
MM: I drank it with Thai food, and then with The Biggest Loser. Great television program.
JB: You were telling me it went better with the Thai food.
MM: Drinking it alone — well, not alone, with the Biggest Loser, and Willow — it was kind of overpowering.
[tasting]
MM: It tastes more like a porter than a brown ale. It has the earthiness —
JB: I don’t agree. It has the thinness of a brown ale, versus the thickness of a porter.
MM: You can smell that pandan leaf.
JB: You really can. You can tell it’s not beer, but I couldn’t identify that. It’s musty.
MM: It’s tobacco-y. It reminds me of the cigar I smoked last night. It might be good with a cigar, really.
JB: I’m bored by this beer.
MM: It’s not different enough to be interesting and it’s not good enough to justify its existence?
JB: Yeah, that’s not far from the truth. I could sit around and drink it. And I see it being perfect with certain foods.
MM: Like Thai.
JB: I don’t know, I don’t like Thai.
MM: You don’t like Thai, or you don’t like Portland Thai?
JB: No, I love Thai food. I just don’t ever want it here.
MM: Because you think all of Portland Thai food is bad.
JB: Yeah, it’s bad… it’s generic, really. It doesn’t vary from place to place, and it must be really cheap to make. I think they sprout up all over the place because everyone goes for Thai, and they make bank on it. It’s a scam. It’s equivalent to fast food. This discussion is about Thai food now.
MM: I drank it with Thai before, it’s my fault. We didn’t try to match up the Asian-style font with the food when we had it.
JB: You’re color-blind, you’re saying.
MM: I don’t see race.
JB: We’ve had a hard time staying on the topic. Maybe my “bored” comment before means something. We haven’t found the beer interesting enough to talk about.
MM: But I can smell that pandan leaf.

72/1000: Red Tail Ale, Mendocino Brewing Company, California
JB: This isn’t like a ritualized thing, guys, we can just drink and talk about it.
ME: Don’t you raise a toast or something?
JB: Uh, no, but we should.
ME: To your health.
JS: It’s very fruity, this tastes like raspberries.
Jona: What is this?
ME: It’s the one with the rat tail.
JS: Red tail!
Jona: I like it. I don’t know why. I don’t know the difference between beers.
CE: It has an American Southwest vibe to it, a sagebrush thing.
Jona: Asshole.
CE: I mean it! Also with the picture of the eagle on the bottle.
Jona: She’s cheating! She’s reading off the bottle.
ME: I brought that beer, and the bird on the bottle made an impression.
JS: It’s a very clean beer… it clears right out. I could drink a lot of it, probably.
JB: I would love to try.
MM: What’s next?
JB: Let’s drink the world’s oldest.
73/1000: Weihenstephaner Original Premium
MM: The world’s oldest brewery made this!
Jona: Ooh, this is a white beer isn’t it? [Looks closer.] No. This smells fruity, I can tell that! Josh, get that in there!
ME: It’s very light, there’s not much to it at all.
CE: It tastes like a blueberry!
ME: It’s a feminine beer.
CE: Just cause it tastes like berry doesn’t make it feminine!
ME: It’s feminine in many ways. It’s light on its feet and it cares how old it is.
MM: This is kind of skunky.
CE: Is that a bad thing?
JB: It’s like when it gets that old musty smell from being exposed to light.
MM: I didn’t really like it. Did you?
JB: I’d like it in a picnic, in the summer.
CE: I like this one so much!
JB: Let’s crack Twin Peaks.

74/1000: Snoqualmie Falls Brewing Company Wildcat India Pale Ale
CE: I brought this one!
[drinking]
Jona: Oh!
CE: Mmmm.
Jona: It has a lot of flavor.
CE: It is very intense tasting! It is very bitter!
Jona: I like the first parts, but the last part is bad.
JB: You guys aren’t going to like any of the rest of the beers.
CE: I’m not saying I don’t like it, but it doesn’t have the drinkability of the other beers.
Jona: Like that smoke beer we had at Saraveza, it has a food-like quality.
JB: I don’t think it’s bitter enough. It should be thinner and more bitter.
CE: What!
ME: It has an amateur homebrew vibe, it’s trying to be what an IPA should be.
JS: It has an amber ale quality.
Jona: You’re getting that food thing, too?
MM: He said “amber ale!” Not hamburger!
CE: Well, I didn’t love it. Maybe we should move on.
MM: Maybe the Alesmith IPA will be more to your liking.
75/1000: Alesmith IPA, San Diego
ME: The modern graphic design is not to my liking.
MM: How about “It’s pretty awesome”, from the bottle?
ME: What’s the deal? What are those, paddles?
MM: The graphic design of the beer community, it’s … uniquely retarded. In the literal sense, like its development has been retarded at some point.
ME: There’s a lot of Deadhead, Keep On Trucking vibe there.
JB: I got this because I went in there and the guy asked me what beer I like, and I said I’d been drinking a lot of IPAs. He said, I just got this in from San Diego, and you’ll like it.
ME: It doesn’t go to any extreme, nor is it delicate in any special way. It sort of failed in being a distinctive IPA.
JB: For me, it’s really citrusy, and really chalky. So it is extreme, maybe, but not in any way that you’d really go for.
CE: It tastes like Christmas tree!
JB: They put too much hops in it. Or they used fresh hops at the end. That piney, citrusy, chalky taste is the way fresh hops taste.
ME: Maybe I’m being too harsh, but I really do think it’s mediocre.
CE: Give Jona some more.
ME: Jona, let us know if it’s working.
Jona: Guys, Marcus is great. Let me tell you some things about Marcus.
CE: I don’t want more. It’s like, nibbling on a pine needle is fine, but this is like eating a branch.
76/1000: Sculler’s India Pale Ale, Skagit River Brewery, Washington
Jona: Josh, you might like this one, it’s bitter.
CE: How bitter is it?
JB: That’s answerable, actually. Beer nerds have something called International Bitterness Units. Any beer has a certain number of IBUs.
ME: But it’s subjective, how can that work?
JB: Well, maybe it’s like acidity or hotness, or these other things that can actually be measured.
[Claire looks it up and describes the process by which IBUs are determined.]
ME: It sounds like a bunch of bullshit.
JB: We haven’t talked about this beer. We’ve talked about bitterness.
CE: This one’s not piney. I do not like the design of the label. It’s the most drinkable IPA we’ve had though.
ME: This is better. What you’re after, I think, in an IPA, is the long period of aftertaste.
JB: This has that. It lingers.
ME: It is bitter, but it brings along a lot of flavors with it.
JB: I’ll make a note of this. I’ll see what else this brewery makes, and I’ll drink this again.
77/1000: Uber-Weisse, Baron Brewing
CE: Oh, what? This beer tastes crazy. You guys! Holy shit, what? Cheese beer!
JB: Ahh!!
CE: Why is it so sweet?
JB: I don’t think of it as sweet.
CE/JS [simultaneously]: It’s like molasses sweet.
ME: There’s something weird about the carbonation.
JB: It’s very low carbonation.
MM: It’s like when I ate this bad potato salad. It tasted fine, but it had a carbonated quality to it.
Jona: It’s like kombucha. God, it’s fucking sick, I hate it! This is what I imagine bile tastes like.
JS: It’s just so heavy.
CE: It’s like those Mexican lollipops that look like they’ll taste so good, but then they’re tamarind or something?
Jona: It’s not what you expect.
JB: But there are beers in this style, and, in that same way, they’re not what you’d expect in, but they’re better than this.
ME: The label throws me off, in that it’s ugly in a way that I like, but what are they going for?
MM: Well, it’s a beer for beer nerds. It’s not meant to be approachable. They don’t care if you like it.

Lazy Boy Brewing Belgian
Bison Organic Gingerbread Ale
Ninkasi Oatis Oatmeal Stout
Hair of the Dog Fred from the Wood
67/1000: Fat Tire Amber Ale (in a can!)
JB: Should we start with the can?
PK: Yeah.
MM: Yeah.
JB: A familiar beer, in a can.
PK: Totally more delicious than in the bottle.
JB: It’s not a beer I usually even like.
MM: I’m usually drawn to it when I see it on tap.
WM: I never choose it, I always think it’s too sweet.
JB: Do you think it’s different here in the can?
WM: I would need a side-by-side comparison.
JB: I think the consensus is: better. More what I want to drink. It’s a little thinner, simpler. There’s less aftertaste.
PK: I was talking to this brewer in Reno the other day and he said the recipe doesn’t really matter, it’s the temperature, and all these other conditions. This says that it’s “can-conditioned” and that could have something to do with the taste.
JB: That’s what I’m looking for from you, Peter! The expertise. Feel free to lay on the expertise whenever the urge strikes you.
PK: That might be it for one day.

68/1000: Lazy Boy Brewing Belgian
JB: Is this just called “Belgian”? It says Belgian on his belly.
PK: Where’s this from?
JB: Lazy Boy is in Washington.
PK: Everett, Washington. It’s the 3rd or 4th biggest city in Washington.
MM: It smells a lot more interesting than the can beer.
JB: That’s the smell of Everett right there.
PK: The first time I went to a brewery tasting, they told us to take a big sniff of the beer and I actually stuck my nose in it and inhaled beer up my nose. It was really the full beer experience.
JB: It does smell like a Belgian.
MM: It tastes like an apple!
PK: It is really fruity.
MM: Tastes like a cider.
JB: How can a beer taste like a cider?
MM: It’s not too sweet, like a cider, though. Very fruity.
JB: Want to know how much fruit is in it? No fruit.
PK: It’s the yeast.
JB: I’m trying to think of what it would be tastiest with. Because I want to drink it again, but I’m not sure what with.
MM: The next time you’re hanging out with underage drinkers, and they want a cider, tell them, “No, guys. I’ve got something better.”
JB: The next time I’m hanging out with underage drinkers…? I think this would go really well with a nutty brown bread, like the Ken’s walnut bread.
MM: Willow, do you want some more?
WM: No.
JB: You don’t like it. How come?
WM: Well, now I’ll have another taste, and tell you. It just doesn’t taste like what beer is supposed to taste like! Maybe I’m a traditionalist.
69/1000: Bison Organic Gingerbread Ale
PK: I’m excited about this one. It could either be really good or weird and bad.
MM: This one looks dark like the bread you were talking about.
[we all smell it]
All: Whoa!
SR: It has a candy smell!
PK: Hmm, but it doesn’t taste like what it smells like.
JB: It’s not nearly as sweet as it smells.
PK: But the aftertaste is really sweet. It would go well with the fake cider right next to it.
SR: It tastes a lot better than it smells. I think the smell is distracting. The taste is just a dark beer. But the smell is overwhelming.
JB: I mean, I wouldn’t ever drink this again. It’s not so good that I can think of another time I’d want it.
PK: It’s a gimmicky beer, but I get it.
MM: I’m not a big fan of gingerbread, so maybe that’s what I don’t like about it.
JB: A beer named and brewed to be similar to a food you don’t like, it’s not likely to be a hit.
MM: I like it more than gingerbread, actually.
PK: I’m trying to figure out what kind of person would like this. A person who doesn’t like beer wouldn’t, because it is very beery.
MM: What kind of beer would it be if it didn’t have the gingerbread in it?
SR: A really dark brown ale.
JB: I think this beer is dumb. Because I don’t understand when I would ever buy it.
MM: You’re going on a sleigh ride. You’re tired of Jubelale.
JB: I’ll give you that. Next sleigh ride, this is my beer.
PK: I would drink this sitting on a bench in the park in the snow. You don’t have to be on a sleigh.
MM: In conditions in which a sleigh might be used, this would be a good beer.
JB: We’re going to settle into an oatmeal stout next, and that is going to feel like the beer for the season.
70/1000: Ninkasi Oatis Oatmeal Stout
JB: You ever known anyone named Otis? Seems really outdated.
PK: Maybe one of my grandfather’s friends. Man, this looks delicious.
JB: Should I snort some? Oh, it’s smooth. A little sweet, but very smooth.
MM: Not a lot of hops — “Just enough hops to balance the copious quantities of dark-roasted malts, and the addition of oatmeal, for a creamy smooth, quaffable stout.”
JB: Well, they nailed it in description.
PK: This is the best so far.
MM: It is creamy.
PK: It’s also quaffable.
JB: I’m going to quaff some right now.
PK: I’ve never used that term, because any times someone uses that term, it makes me uncomfortable. One time, my friend’s brother was drinking some wine and he said, “Oh, it’s quite quaffable.” And I just wanted to say, “Shut the fuck up.”
JB: Besides the quaffability factor…
PK: It’s sweeter than other stouts. Do you guys disagree?
JB: I don’t drink a lot of stouts.
PK: Do you quaff any?
MM: I’m going to start quaffing everything, no more drinking. Can you quaff water?
PK: It depends if it’s quaffable.
MM: We’re ruining this beer review.
JB: I usually drink beers that rely on hops more. This is farther out on the fringe of what beer even is.
PK: A lot of people say real beer doesn’t have hops.
JB: Who says that?
PK: Some brewers refuse to use hops, because it wasn’t originally used in beer. You’d have to drink it quickly, because it wouldn’t keep well without the hops.
SR: My turn. Well… it’s okay.
PK: What? Quaff some more!
SR: I like it, but I think I want stouts to have something else going on.
PK: Like coffee flavor or chocolate?
SR: Maybe I want to make a beer float with it.
JB: This would be the one. I’ve heard of people doing that, but it always sounds gross. But this would be the one, it’s got no distractions.
SR: If this were sweeter, it would be perfect. So a float…
JB: I think it’s plenty sweet as it is, but it would be fun to have as a float.
MM: I have to say I think I’m starting to get a little “affected” by the alcohol in these beers.
WM: Affected? Drunk?
JB: Is your judgment flagging?
MM: Not yet. I think I’m at the point where if I was at a party, I would slow down. But since I’m at a tasting, I’m going to maintain the same pace.
PK: Is this everybody’s favorite so far?
JB: It’s my favorite.
MM: I think the Lazy Boy is mine.
JB: That makes sense, because you like the tartness.

71/1000: Hair of the Dog Fred from the Wood
JB: I have to admit, I bought this, and I don’t know much about it. Which is dumb, because with Hair of the Dog, there’s usually something to know.
MM: But the weird thing is they have another beer named “Fred” but it’s not from the wood. Ooh, it smells nice. In the realm of tartness. [tastes] Whoa, I can see why you didn’t want this the other night when we were watching the Blazers game.
PK: Super tart! What the hell is this.
MM: It’s syrupy.
JB: Yeah, that’s not appealing to me.
MM: I don’t like that part of it.
JB: What is that?
WM: It tastes like medicine.
JB: It’s your medicine. Drink up!
MM: I thought it would be even more tart, from the smell, like the lambics we’ve had. But it’s not.
SR: What kind of beer is it?
JB: Don’t think of it as a beer, just as an alcoholic beverage.
SR: Oh, it smells terrible, like a rotten orange. I do not like it. I get that strong alcohol reaction, like if I had drunk a shot of something. But that’s weird because it’s kind of light and sharp. It tastes fermented like if you’d left something out unintentionally.
JB: I’m enjoying drinking it, but would I get it again?
SR: I ate a grapefruit once, and it had been sitting out a really long time… It had a similar taste.
JB: Now that I’ve stopped drinking it, and then coming back to it, it does really taste like grapefruit juice.

MM [walking into Saraveza]: Is there football going on?
JB: Is it Monday? No, it’s Thursday. Sometimes there are Thursday games.
MM: Okay.
JB: Oh, it’s the Blazers! Fourth quarter! We’re up five! Cool. So what did you order?
MM: I don’t know.
JB: What did you ask him for?
MM: I said “your choice.” Now I forget which one it was. Was it the “Monschoff”? I remember it had an old timey name.

65/1000: Pliny the Elder
JB: It was Pliny the Elder. What do you think?
MM: I like it. Is it, what kind of beer is it? Like an IPA?
JB: I don’t know, but I don’t think so. Okay, I looked it up. It’s a “double” or “Imperial” IPA.
MM [falsetto]: Called it!
NN: It’s very citrusy. It tastes like orange peels.
JB: Did you call it?
MM: I said IPA! Read the transcript! And it’s a double, it’s like I called it twice! I’m normally such an IPA weiner, but I like this.
JB: Why do you like it?
MM: I like the tangyness. The orange peel.
JB: The smell of a hoppy beer like this makes me so happy.
MM: The smell is grapefruit. It’s really strong. It smells like it would sting if it got in your eyes.
JB: Well, it might. Let’s find out.
MM: “Excuse me, sir, would you bring us an eyedropper?”
JB: We gotta stop talking about beer for a minute and watch this game. Okay, commercial break and we’re down by one. Let me have some more of that. “Pliny the Elder” … it comes in a bottle, too! I like its weird-looking label.
MM: The name is SO beer-nerdy. Can I try yours, Willow?
JB: What is it?

66/1000: Rogue Younger’s Special Bitter
MM: Rogue ESB… Younger’s Special Bitter.
JB: So, YSB.
MM: It tastes like it has spices in it.
NN: I don’t get that at all. To me, it’s unremarkable. Not a typical ESB… I don’t know.
JB: It has a…
MM: Would you say nutty?
JB: It tastes roasted.
NN: I expected it to taste fuller.
MM: There’s a picture of fire on the bottle, but also of fish. I would say it’s an icon more than a picture.
JB: It’s more drinkable than I thought it would be. I could knock it back. So, let’s taste the Caldera Dry Hop Orange.
67/1000: Caldera Dry Hop Orange
MM: Have we had this before?
JB: Not on 1000 Beers.
MM: I want to say I don’t like the name. Because it makes me think of an orange soda, which preps my taste buds in a way that I am sure will be wrong. [He drinks.] On tasting, I feel like it’s the most complicated of the beers we’ve had this evening.
JB: I was going to say Pliny was, but then the aftertaste on this changed my mind. It’s like taking a ride. It goes a long way.
NN: It tastes like weed.
JB: Like what?
NN: Like weed! Tastes like weed, smells like weed. Aftertaste, not so much like weed. It tastes like weed! Also, I like it.
JB: Having never experienced marijuana, I can’t evaluate that statement, but maybe I would like it, based on this beer.
[Postscript: In a nail-biter, the Trailblazers won the game, on the back of Brandon Roy’s career-best performance, scoring 52 points.]