August 2004 Archives

so im flying out to nyc tomorrow and then going to vermont for joe's wedding with alex hubbard sean barnette and sandra krussel
the Center for the Development of Independent Youth Culture was a house we all shared in 1997
we had happenings and shows and art events and stupid parties and free jazz and friends and all sorts of crazy shit
the weird part was that it was almost on nw 23rd ave, which was and is the cheesiest part of town.
a hedge hog
a bear trap in the middle of the living room floor
other stupid shit
our first collegiate attempt at a loose creative collective
naive and wet behind the ears and all earnest intent and little progress. lots of discussions. and beer.

but it caught on fire and we had to go. people moved out and moved on and moved away and now all of us live in different places and i think im the only one still left in portland, except alex leuboff, who i saw at the ethopian restaurant today.
dans is back in africa and i dissed him on his last night in portland saturday because i was so dead tired from other stupid shit, and i had to work. lame.
prichard is down in la and he's not going to the wedding.
sean and sandra are in grad school in chicago
hubbard's in new york
oh and sean cuff is still in portland. i saw him a month ago at a party. it was good to see him well.
i saw that weird white dread hippy guy that lived in there for a minute near the end, when confusion and people moving out set in. he was riding his bike down the street. he looks older and wiser. he was always a nice guy, i guess. no one ever really hung out with him at all. he was already a part of "the world beyond"
we were a bunch of whiney college pussies.
when calvin came by one time he told us that if we were gonna make it in portland as an art collective, we had to stop wearing the lame clothes our mothers had bought for us, or at least rubbed ash into them. we were too busy doing yoga to tomita records on 16rpm to care. its funny to think back now at how much we really didnt have our shit together. to make a flyer or a handbill or anything was just such a pain in the ass.
then again this was before every house in america had the internet. there is no web history of this place.
i was 20/21 years old. they had a surprise birthday party for me. it was fun. then we went to ejs and saw guitar wolf legally. that too was fun.
CDIYC was fun and funny. franz and his constructivist moderist visions, me with my deep fluxus anti-structural bent fucking everything up, jay coming over and making wolf colonel music on my cassette 8track in the basement
not realizing my non-collegiate punk friends were getting into heroin
our cool oldschool neigbors who thought we we doing something exciting for the community
deeply early jake longstreth paintings
making installations out of our entire house
my clothes smelling of ash and smoke for a year
pther stuff
yeah

at steves house listening back to old music i made steve has been one of my main musical advisors and second sets of ears for many years. dude does it for everyone. kinda known to be the best in the biz. totally.
this shit can get embarrassing. like, as steve says, when there's a girl you like in the room and someone puts on a home video of you doing really stupid shit.
thats what it feels like to listen back to old tracks that didnt make the cut the first time around
but then there's also something awesome about those forgotten songs, hours and days spent focusing on something that is just kept in a box for a bunch of years
like, maybe going through photo albums and then digging deeper finding the shot you took of yourself that when printed looked so weird that you wanted to rip it up right away. there's something so honest and true in there.
and then there's just stuff that actually sounds great. that just sat there for a couple of years collecting dust.

there's that fancy people adventures joke 'wanna hear my four-track stuff'?

i like that joke a lot

can any one give me one good reason i should be expressing my emotions on the internet for all to see?
its a little creepy.
woke up late. gonna keep it chill today.
all my soulseek downloads finished in the night
part of the night i slept on the dirty hard floor.
i dont know why i made that decision......
my nose is dry
my room is dim

today i surfed the web for hours
avoided thinking about money
got a bad passport photo at kinkos and mailed that off
had band practice. had a good jam and talked about record
went to dunes and chilled in the AC
had a beer and got tired
went home and watched for love or for money finale. enchanting
then charlie rose with the director of the fog of war and the subject of that movie, former secretary of defense for JFK and johnson. im forgetting his name because im tired and tipsy

i watched:

the return of the pink panther: such an awesome movie. sellers just kills me with the slapstick and the fake french accent and the clumsiness.

"the old prospector" skit from the out-takes of the best of will ferrell SNL

the BBC series The Office season one. so much painful anti-humor.

listened to:
agustus pablo: ital dub
new white rainbow music
unreleased yume bitsu
itunes shuffle (highlights being nirvana followed by can followed by reggae music)

yesterday was windy i felt like shit for part of the day. couldnt get out of bed as usual. dark days in the room with curtains drawn.
went through my email inbox. that took a few hours. talked to my mom. honey came home from shooting new valet footage. i questioned my upcoming trip to SF...i just have not ideas/no resources for a new four day installation. doing ambient pillow room again seems boring and redundant....but i have no idea or cash flow or time to make anything fantastic for that show....hmmm

wedding season. my old rooommate joe guest is getting married in a couple weeks and he bought my broke ass a ticket to go out to vermont to be there for it.
then a few weeks later my ex-girlfriend nikki is getting married in malibu.

old girlfriend i moved to nyc with. old roommate i lived in new york with. both getting married.
me im still just floating around trying to come up with rent and my bills somehow every month without getting a job! and they're all getting married. sheesh. honey and i have been going out for 8 to 10 months now. i mean we've lived together since the day we fell in love. pretty fucking deep. maybe we should get married so we can get a fruit juicer and new sheets and other stuff. and we could legally change our names to something totally weird.

this is the worst entry into this blog ever.

yume bitsu best of/live/unreleased
in the idea stage right now.
an historical retrospective

white rainbow ambient cdr series volume 3

would like to do:
white rainbow vinyl
white rainbow video/movie/dvd
world vinyl

world / malibu falcon record

world / super unity record

world video/movie/dvd

upcoming:
white rainbow MVZ* @ SF CCA graduate gallery (*MellowVibeZone)

devendra banhart and the Queens of Sheeba* europe tour october 2003 (*me, kyle field, jona bechtolt, andy from vetiver/tussle)

i have literally no money

why is it so hard for me to go get a job?
the crux of my hardship: i cant bring myself to get a job. what the fuck? why is it so hard for me? it just makes my life incredibly difficult to not have a job. why not just go get one. go to taco bell or whereever and just sign up and get paid.
why is it so hard for me?

i havent updated my blog in like forever things have been crazy and boring and hecktic and slow and all at the same time
hot days in portland, steaming hot. a few cloudy days to remind us of the passing of seasons and time. shows and talking to people at shows and my hearing bombarded by loud proud sounds in the night. everyone wants to get out there and show the world their art. it seems compulsive. still feeling like being retired from that game: you get there, you make some small talk, crack a couple jokes, have a beer or two or three, set up stuff, set up merch, talk to your friends who came. smiles all around. play some music. sweat a little bit. break down all your stuff. put it back in the car. have drink. watch someone else do the same thing.

fleas biting me in my sleep. could be a spider. planting eggs that will hatch and they will crawl all over my body. matt brown walls. the constant traffic outside the window. "vintage" ie broken blinds letting in geometric patterns of light and tree shadow. overhead light. stacks of stuff. things you cant throw away but never use: old journals, documents, bills that can not and will not be paid. box of weird placemats with pictures of mountains on them. to be used as packaging material for something. or packing material. gotta get some more envelopes. send out some stuff. get a passport photo. send that out. pay the phone bill. other things need to be paid. a few dvds steve let me borrow. a bubble machine, a strobe light. a stereo a power drill. a rack of women's clothes. rolls of inkbrush paintings. cardboard boxes, stacks of old flyers. extras that never got put up. a hamper. and empty mug. a kalidescope (sp) stacks of cds that never seem appropriate to play.
old magazines. a bowl crumbs in it. chords in a plastic bag. broken and unused musical stuffs. massage tips for cheesy foot massage/bath unit. another pile of clothes.