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7:30 p.m. In approximately 30 minutes magician David Blaine's special "Drowned Alive" will begin. For those not familiar with his latest stunt, you might want to read up.

7:39 p.m. Entertainment Tonight is on... Other Blaine resources: AP story before stunt; Blaine's official web site and blog; 2003 interview; Wikipedia page

7:57 p.m. Finally the ET credits are rolling. The action begins after this commercial break!

8:00 It's starting!!

8:01 Doctor: lack of oxygen can ruin your brain. Props from Evel Knievel.

Warp up from host with sweeping crane shots of sphere.

Blaine narration: How long can we really survive without air? Video of baby in the water. Blaine reveals he was the kid who tried to stay underwater longer than his friends. Stunt inspired by Houdini.

8:03 Montage of people visiting David's aquarium, including Chris Rock, Run, Courtney Cox.

8:05 Blaine: everything I've been doing for the last two years comes down to this point right now.

8:06 First commercial break. Wow... this is going to be a two-hour special. Fortunately it's going to include clips of him doing street magic, which I find more interesting than his endurance stunts, anyway.

8:09 And we're back.. ESPN's Stuart Scott is the host. Water is .9% salt to reduce risks of medical complications. Medical tent is nearby. 127 experts monitoring Blaine's conditions throughout week.

Dr. Murat Gunel, of Yale, says blaine as lost 20 percent of body fluid. He has suffered from liver failure abnormal liver function. Gunel on record advising against stunt. Risk of stroke.

8:11 Review of Blaine's stunts. Buried alive at age 26. Emotional moment coming out of coffin.. "that's when I realized this is what i want to do with my life forever."

Frozen in ice stunt... "I was certain that I was dead."

Vertigo... 35 hours on a pole. Blaine: I like to see people wonder.

Above the below... in a box over river Thames. Overwhelming to see such a turnout when stunt was ending. "this one almost did me in."

8:16 Stuart Scott: Start holding your breath and we'll tell you long you made it during the commercial break... (holding breath)

8:17 I made it to the Wendy's commercial.

Aside: His delivery is very deadpan. He'd make a terrible history professor: His students would all fall asleep.

8:21 And we're back. Scott: Just under four minutes since commercial break started. Someone's beside the sphere coaching Blaine on breathing technique. "In from the diaphragm... nice slow exhalation... relax from the toes..." Guy has coached world champion freedivers.

Diver: Blaine does not have ideal body type. Muscle mass means more oxygen needed. Nutrition and sleep will make it harder.

Flashback: Blaine has to lose 40 pounds before stunt... exercise montage. Six pack becoming more defined.

Breathing exercises: Breathe for a minute, hold for five minutes. cycle includes only 12 minutes of breathing for an hour.

Yay!! Street magic time! Guy pics a card. His phone rings... he opens his phone, it says 9 of diamonds is the caller. "that's really creepy"

8:27 Back to Lincoln Center... David's personal trainer: David needed to reprogram diet, exercise -- end result "A good looking body with a sick engine inside." Not sure if that's "sick" as in "that 720 mute grab was so sick!" or "he's sick in the head for trying this stunt." Commercial.

8:32 Spectator has created a snowglobe of Blaine in his "snowglobe"

Champion Diver: explains "packing" breaths.

Blaine does magic at a max. security prison with over 5,000 inmates. "I came here to see how some people live with the extremes of confinement."

Inmate thinks of card... picks queen out of deck. "that's not my card" david: look at what the queen is holding... inmate turns away in disbelief.

Blaine bends bars on prison door. "Ain't nobody can bend them bars," says inmate. (I wonder who's going to pay to have those fixed.) Inmate: "David Blaine is real."

Blaine is in vegas... banned from gambling all over town. Grabs two hot women and brings them to roulette table. They pick a five-set pattern: black black red black red... start with David's $200, "Happy Birthday" to brunette, who walks away with the $3200.

Stuart Scott: Gambling with chips is one thing, but now Blaine is "gambling with his life." Commercial break. After break Blaine will speak from within the aqua-bubble.

8:44 Blaine's personal physician: been with David for all stunts... Is very concerned.

Emergency plan: Divers will jump in if David Blaine blacks out.

Blaine interviews Aaron Rolston who cut his arm off after being trapped in a canyon. Interview takes place in snowy rocky mountains... Blaine wearing black t-shirt while snow falls. Blaine to Rolston, "To me, you're an incredible magic man."

Blaine meets Kneivel, calls him "Greatest daredevil of 20th century." Knievel to Blaine: "Your're a daredevil." Blaine attempts breath hold in front of Knievel lying on couch. Blaine's mouth changes color, he's shaking by the time the 5 minutes is up.

Back to LC... Stuart Scott: We can hold our breath longer in water. Checking in with doctors: Liver function is still abnormal (not failure as mentioned earlier).

8:56 Blaine narration: "When you're mind starts to go, it's the scariest thing in the world." eyes open, but having nightmares... "Somethings not right in your brain... truly the most horrific experience."

Scott: It's almost go time. Blaine has been in sphere for 176 hours.

Flashback to training (Scott: "Don't try any of this at home.")... Blaine; "I wanted to put myself in the most extreme situation... along with 27 sharks." Clips of blaine swimming with sharks in what looks like the Tennessee aquarium.

Tricks time: Blaine biting through, eating glass in a casino. Glass has piece missing, blaine shows empty mouth. Asks bystander girl to open mouth, pulls her teeth out!! Then puts them in is mouth and "spits" them back into her her mouth. "This dude is unbelievable... This guy is the real deal."

Walks up to kids with his shoes untied... flicks his foot around until shoes are tied. They're New Balance(!!). Then he teaches kids the trick. A couple of them get it. It involves a kick, flick, snap and turn, but I'm obeying Stuart Scott and not trying this at home.

Back to LC: Blaine comes to surface, pokes his head out of water... Returns to sphere... time to put on the chains. Blaine has been underwater continuously longer than anyone ever.

NYPD officer enters sphere to wrap Blaine in chains and handcuffs. Cuffs will be in 8 different points.

Doctors worried chains will strip skin of his hands, hense the gloves. Commercial. 50 minutes to go.

9:11 Scott: David wants everyone to know he appreciates all the support from crowd. Current world record for holding breath is 8:58.

Flashback: Blaine training with Navy SEALs. specialize in pain and disorientation, "my two greatest challenges for this event."

D.I.: "Let's go magic man! Just snap your fingers and you'll be there!" "Pain is nothing but a cancer, cut it out of your mind."

Blaine sits in ocean with "swim buddy" (a piece of driftwood) and sings, "I seen fire and I seen rain..."

Back to L.C... Scott: Blaine having trouble standing up under weight of chains. Doctor: water could cause skin damage and nerve damage... may lose dexterity.

Diver: Blaine "eats" sports drinks, water. Commercial. 40 minutes to go.

9:21 Commercial for Lost... looking forward to this week's episode. Can you believe what happened last week? (please avoid posting spoilers in the comments.)

9:22 Back at L.C.: "Developing story." Weight of chains have created havoc. Blaine now pulling himself downward to the bottom with the chains. Will take more energy because he's using his muscles. Scott: "Again, this not something you should ever try at home."

Freediving segment: Freediver goes down to 500 feet, balloon on sled fails to inflate. Woman dies after 8 minutes underwater.

Flashback: Blaine explains stunt: "I will put every part of my body to sleep... Then I go through the alphabet naming friends and family members for each letter." By the time he gets to F, he will be 3 minutes in. "Minute 6, my body becomes a warzone." "The urge to breathe can only be described in the context of torture." "in my dreams I can live underwater forever."

Back to L.C... Scott: Moments way from breath hold. Commercial.

9:34 Back... Buffet of emergency medications ready nearby. Ambulance on standby. Doctor: Airbubbles will indicate Blaine losing concsiousness. Commercial (already?).

9:39 One of the big stories on the local 11 o'clock news is a coyote capture.

9:40 Back... count is almost ready to begin... trainer is coaching final relaxed breaths. "nice and relaxed... Close your eyes and focus."

9:42 Clock begins!

9:43 30 seconds in... he hasn't started working on the chains yet. Stuart Scott calls for quiet from the crowd.

9:44 1:45 in. Still hasn't started on chains. Trainer: "nice and easy... You can pull this off."

9:45 Choiral music is playing in the background. 3 minutes.

9:46 4 minutes. David Blaine slowly begins moving.

9:47 5 minutes. He's moving.. wait.. I think he has a key for the handcuffs!!

9:50 7 minutes... handcuffs are free, working on ankles. He's freaking out it. Divers are in!!

9:50 Divers let him out... his lips were the darkest shade of purple I've ever seen.

9:52 Staff gives him oxygen. Blaine waves to crowd. Helpers pull him out of tank so he can sit up.

9:53 Crowd chanting "David" as he his wrapped in towels.

9:54 Blaine's first words: "I am humbled so much by the support of everybody from New York City and from all over the world (crowd cheers). This was a very difficult week, but you all made it fly by with your strong spirit, your energy... I thank you all and I love you all."

Official time: 7:08.

9:56 Blaine climbs down ladder with just a little bit of help, reaches ground. Standing under his own power. Scott compares him to astronauts returning from orbit (I'm not sure that's an entirely accurate comparison).

9:59 The gloves are off. Blaine says his hands are numb... credits are rolling. His hands are white and VERY wrinkly. And fade out.

Is anyone else as frustrated as I am about everyone's lack of communication? Like, I know you people all have your issues and you're all Men Alone, so to speak, but for the love of god would it kill someone to toss the others a bone for one second? Michael: Oh hey, someone's typing to me on this crazy computer. Jack: Wow, crazy Other guy, tell me more about this island THAT YOU LIVE ON. And yes, we would LOVE to go home; care to help? Kate: Well, Jack why doesn't Hurley watch the computer and I'll come with because I always come with anyway. Plus Sawyer's, y'know, BLEEDING and all.

Okay, on to the goodies!

We know Jack's wife, Sarah, is a cheating McCheaterton. As RealGirl reports the boardies are saying, "Now what are the chances she was seeing someone on the island? That's right, 100%!"

And who would that handsome fellow be? Could it be Jack's running buddy cum local psycho? The boardies' tongues are wagging! This is a screenshot from Ravenscraft showing Desmond and his girl in a pic on Desmond's mantel. While people were maybe saying it was Sarah, a comparison Ravenscraft makes is to the woman trying to adopt Claire's baby.

Or is that too freakin' obtuse?

RealGirl also finds the boardies taking issue with Jack appoaching Ana Lucia about getting troops together. "Wouldn't it make more sense to ask, oh I don't know, a trained soldier about training an army?" Good point. I take issue with the fact that he wants to start a war based on his own agenda and without asking any good questions when he had the chance. Current administration much? Lame. Why can't Locke go hang with Zeke for a bit and get some answers? Like, do we REALLY have to keep pressing this button? (If so, wouldn't they have some leverage against the Others?)

I'll be honest, I didn't pick up much this episode. We were wondering at the end whether the previews for next week's episode, where Aaron does through some sort of Moses trip down the ocean, will speak to the growing Christianity theme. Remember Mr. Eko brought up Moses and Aaron in the last episode.

Now things gathered from our gorgeous Boardies Correspondent:

1. The Others mention Alex, the French woman's daughter.

2. Zeke quoted Alvar Hanso!

"From the dawn of our species, Man has been blessed with curiosity. Our most precious gift, without exception, is the desire to know more - to look beyond what is accepted as the truth and to imagine what is possible."

- Alvar Hanso, Address to the U.N. Security Council, 1967

3. Jack didn't have tattoos in the flashbacks when he got married, but now he's got them. There's speculation we'll get another flashback someday about the tattoos.

There is also this site chronicling the mural art in the hatch and comparing it to Claire's boyfriend's art, as well as some of the art in Jack's house. Bizarre!

Hi! Did you miss me? Do you hate that I abandoned you when Lost took its sweet time on vacation? Are you thinking, Why didn't she post about all the excellent shows that are starting up, like Stars on Ice, American Idol, or the second season of Beauty and the Geek-- shows that are starting up the very week of her birthday like big, reality-based gifts produced by Fox and Ashton Kutcher? Or are you just here for screen shots of the faces in the black fog?

Church!

Brother!

That dude he killed!

Old woman!

(images via ravenscraft)

This was pretty much a "throw away" flashback episode, with only a little more about the goings on of the island. Of course, the biggest stick we were thrown is our first real, up-close-and-personal interaction with the black fog monster. We know it senses and reacts to fear, and all the things it reflected for Mr. Eko makes me think it picks up on a person's dark feelings or guilt. If it tried to feed him a plate of cookies and tell him he looked thin, I might think it was the Jewish mom leg of the island experiments.

I've sort of thought that the whole island and the experiments have something to do with people facing their dark sides. A disproportionate amount of people on the plane have killed or physically hurt people, and all of them harbor some sort of demon they're being forced to face on the island. Perhaps the experiments are about forming a perfect society by ridding people of their bad sides? Leading people out of darkness? 23rd Pslam? Maybe it's a Catholic mother experiment. Make a note that Mr. Eko left his Jesus stick behind after his confrontation with the fog.

Real Girl, my "boardies" correspondent, came back to me with these whisperings:

1. Some people are saying they heard the non-Nigerian drug dealers in the initial drug sale mention Sayid, as in "Does Sayid know?" But they're saying they were speaking in Arabic, making it difficult to make out.

2. An Arabic-speaking person says he heard "sayyidah" meaning "trap." As in "Be careful with this guy, it's a trap."

3. There are lots of hypotheses that the black smoke is actually nanotechnology, bajillions of teeny computers working together.

Okay! Now we’re back in action! I was on the edge of my seat almost the entire show and about ON TOP of the TV when Eko pulled out the missing stretch of film. What was that all about? We know now that someone wanted to keep that information out of the reel, but so far it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. “Don’t try to contact the outside world with the computer” isn’t exactly “By the way, this experiment is about creating artificial life in the form of robot dinosaurs and is scheduled to end in May 1979, so if you’re seeing this film and still on the island, whoa, something went screwy! Pick up the phone hidden under the central server and call for help.” Y’know? I guess we get a bigger idea of how much solitude was an factor in the running of the experiment.

J called that it would be Walt on the other end of the computer, which I think is great. I picture him trapped somewhere and trying to sneakily transmit messages to everyone. This could be as simple as him finding a computer at a different station (and messing around with some image projection equipment?). If that’s a stretch, we know he has mind powers, so he could be flexing those, too.

Anyone on board for a theory involving the experiments having something to do with the physical manifestation of emotion? We have Jack’s dad appearing in the jungle and disappearing from his coffin, Kate’s horse, Charlie’s unlimited heroin supply, Walt’s image.

Okay, onto some fun stuff! Real Girl sent me this image this morning that she culled from a message board. Check out the television:

Do we know what this is from in Sayid’s life? Have we seen him filmed yet?

Also from the message boards comes two images from the film, one from the original and one from the spliced section. There’s some debate whether there is a significant difference and, if so, whether the difference is due to a continuity fault or whether it really means anything.

From the original film:

From the spliced film:

To me, it looks like the doctor is YOUNGER and the film is newer in the spliced section which wouldn’t make much sense. Thoughts? And as always, tell me what I missed.

Another night, another Wife Swap. These shows fascinate me, probably for all they illuminate about what is NOT wrong with my life. It is hard to walk away from watching one of these shows and not feel like you and your friends are the most organized, fair, easy-going, non-judgmental people ever. Because honestly? Where do they get these families?

Let’s just take last night’s show, for instance. They make it seem like it’s a quaint set-up: vegan family’s wife swaps with big hunting family’s wife = ensuing hilarity. The actual formula for the show is a little more like: crazy family’s wife [with defining characteristic] swaps with crazy family’s wife [with opposite defining characteristic] = ensuing hilarity. It doesn’t matter what the defining characteristic is as long as someone in the family, preferably the swapping one, is a few noodles short of a happy bowl.

Let’s meet mom #1, Jackie:

She is a raw foodist and is married to Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. She is very concerned about animals and the earth’s well-being and partakes in “sun-gazing,” which is essentially staring at the sun for 10 minutes a day with the thought that you can derive energy from the sun instead of food and thus deplete the earth’s resources less. This would work a lot better if she were equipped to, oh say, photosynthesize instead of digest. It also might help if humans didn’t have eyeballs that go blind when you stare at a burning sun. On Jackie’s daily to-do list: campaign for PETA, do yoga, meditate, nude sunbathe. She makes dinner for her daughter and her and waits for Kip to come home from his FIFTEEN HOUR shift at work. Though she is intent on the care for animals, she doesn’t seem too concerned about the care for Kip, who prepares his own dinner and cleans the house.

Mom #2, Bobbie

Dude, they live in a half trailer, half house. A “trouse.” They made that word up. They are big hunters, but this fact disturbs me WAY LESS than the fact that they have confederate flags draped all over their, er, trouse. A fact that the producers and editors decide to ignore. Who cares about racism when you can focus on hunting! Bobbie’s kids eat Corn Pops with a pound of sugar poured on top, and various animals. She alludes to the fact that they don’t have enough money to buy food for the family and that hunting is actually the way they feed their family. They can, however, afford horses.

After the introductions, it’s mostly a battle of Who is Most Crazy. As a vegetarian, I am always hoping that they will someday cast a sensible, respectful non-meat-eater in the roll of Less Crazy. But for some reason it is much more fun to play with gross stereotypes and Jackie goes down like a lead balloon. Yes, Bobbie tries to make Kip and Daughter eat meat and throw away their PETA posters, but this is only after she actually did the one-woman protest herself and handed out fliers to passerbyers, which is at least a big of breach of personal ethics. Jackie on the other hand, plays a graphic PETA video (while weeping) to the boys and forces them to eat handfuls of raw hemp seeds for breakfast and join her in picketing. She tries to make them stare at the sun, too, but it snows.

And unfortunately, Jackie’s unrelenting fanaticism backfires and causes Bobbie to grow very concerned that their hunting way of life is truly threatened, and she vows to hunt more now than ever before. Kip’s manhood feels rejuvenated and he finally puts his foot down and introduces cooked foods back into their lives. He celebrates his victory with two pieces of toast.

I can’t help but think this would be a fun show to be on. Hmm. Liz’s day: wake up, sit at desk for 8 hours, come home, make or get dinner, watch reality shows, go to bed. I may have to work a few more “kill dinner with bare hands” or “emasculate husband” tasks in there.

I’m not much for message boards, probably because avoiding them gives me some small strand of hope that I’m not entirely gone to the rest of the world when in comes to Lost. I am not, however, above having other people tell me things they’ve read on message boards and then relaying those things to you. This helps maintain an illusion of personal involvement I suppose. Blah blah blah ANYWAY! My sources tell me that they played what Walt said to Shannon backwards and got this: “They're coming, and they're close.”

Did you just get shivers up your spine, because I sure the fuck did. How is he appearing and disappearing? Why is he talking backwards? Why is he posed the exact same way each time she sees him, and each time it’s in the rain? Is he projecting himself somehow from a scientists’ lair? We also know the island is playing some other tricks that were never quite explained, like Jack’s dead dad wandering around. Could the image sightings be related?

I’m roaming into major SPOILER ALERT territory if you haven’t seen the newest episode yet, so, uh, you’ve been warned. (But seriously, get caught up before next week, okay? I can’t promise I won’t answer my phone with “Jack died!” instead of “Hello?” or something. Jack didn’t die [in fact, is this the first show where we don’t even see Jack?]. Although we learn on the bonus features disc from the first season DVD collection that the writers’ original intent was to kill Jack off right away. But when they tested that on audiences, everyone got very angry, so they changed it to the pilot getting killed instead.) You’d think I would have guessed that it was going to be Shannon who was shot because, oh, IT WAS HER EPISODE, but for some reason my mind completely filtered that right out and I was surprised at the end anyway. But I wasn’t surprised it was new bitch lady that was wielding the gun. Two points for me.

Prior to that, we got to see Sayid giving Shannon a little candlelit bungalow on the beach at night. Is it just me, or would you ladies have been all, “Aw, sweet,” but then be thinking a little, “Hmm, he does realize that he already did this two episodes ago or so, right? I really hope this isn’t the only trick up his sleeve because the ‘Surprise, here’s a tent I built!’ thing is going to get old quick.” Also, dude may be sweet, but he is not slick. He said, “It’s all for you,” but we all know he meant, “It’s all for you…and me to get busy in!” Not to mention the last time she spent a romantic evening alone with him happened to be the same night her brother/lover (brover?) was killed. NO BAD ASSOCIATIONS THERE OR ANYTHING. Also, what do you think the chances are for safe sex? You’d think the fear of becoming pregnant on a monster island that steals babies might kill your sex drive, but apparently not so much.

Also, in case you missed it, Jack is the doctor who couldn’t save Shannon’s dad. Remember why? Because he saved his future wife instead.

Good lord, is it next Wednesday yet?

Hello there. I'm Liz and I'm excited to be joining the ranks and entering into the communal obsession with television here at Warm Glow. You have actually caught me at a meaningful threshold in my television-viewing life. Over the past few weeks my husband, J, and I have watched season one of Lost, with a fanaticism that falls only a little short of batshit crazy obsession. We then downloaded the five episodes that have aired thus far in season two and watched those, consecutively, in one sitting. We are officially Caught Up. And according to my sources, this is a particularly good week to be caught up, as the new episode airing on Wednesday is rumored to only be slightly less exciting than, say, winning 156 million dollars in the lottery. Someone is supposed to die, and even though they are playing it up like it will be Sawyer, my money’s on the bossy new lady who Jack had a drink with or the random blond lady who befriended Michael. Am I just in denial?? Kate did have that whole "I never said goodbye" thing going on. And they did just sorta kill Boone without any warning.

Anyway, I have been shielding my ears from all Lost references for the past year so that I might not overhear a spoiler, but now all is fair game. After Wednesday, I will have officially watched my first episode along with the rest of the world and am free to speculate openly and listen to rumors about mad scientist kidnappers. And sharks with logos.

(image via tvsquad)

I KNOW!

Since Lost airs on Wednesday, I have fired Martha Stewart’s Apprentice from the lineup (and if we’re being honest, there was really only ever room for one Apprentice in my heart). Also no longer in contention for viewing is Trading Spouses, which, while not one of my regulars, I do watch on occasion for its share of comic gold in the form of human misery and stupidity. This week’s teaser has been this woman stampeding around screaming, “THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD!!! HER CHILDREN DON’T EVEN GO TO CHURCH!”

(screen capture via fourfour)

Can you even believe you aren’t watching it THIS SECOND?

Luckily, ANTM comes on just before Lost, so none of the model-watching will be interrupted. This is very important because we are only episodes away from the producers letting down their guards and letting us see the full crazy of Jayla, who may be the only reality show contestant in the history of TV to usurp the role of “The Whacked Out Crazy Bitch” during a freakin’ recap clip show. In addition to being a Jehovah’s Witness from Arizona, Jayla is also a Gelfling.

Anyway, I’m very much looking forward to sharing my television blather with you. After all, what good is being obsessed with reality shows and mystery islands if there’s no one there to talk to you about them?

After my favorite reality television character of all time was fired from the Apprentice, I thought I was pretty done with Trump and Co (note: Trump uses the intro from the show on his website). He seemed to just make arbitrary decisions on who to fire and then Burnett and his cronies were working to edit the show to prove him right. The last season, much like the winner, was boring. It was with little interest that I noticed that Season 3 was coming up soon. What piqued my interest was that rather than the boring Male vs. Female competition that Mark Burnett must find so fascinating, they went with college grads vs. high school grads.

The first thing I noticed was that the casting was much better. Rather than just one Raj in a room full of drab, they went for some real characters! Two bow-tie wearers. It being only episode one, we only get to see a few of them, and Danny is the big focus. Yikes! This guy is a kook. Plus we have Mr. Big Brass Balls (Brian, a Trump suck-up) and John, who reminds me of a Vince Vaughn character and just naturally takes charge. If he doesn't fuck it up, I could see him winning.

So in Episode 1 we see Danny just blow it. Big time. Of course, Todd was the worst manager I've ever seen. "You guys are doing great!" What a patronizing jerk. He gets booted, but Danny is on the short list and Alex (who only had two people train on the POS systems) isn't too far behind. Trump made the right call. Todd effed up more than Danny and Alex. He isn't leadership material. Kendra won a lot of points by saying the real culprit was Todd and it was nice to see Carolyn notice that.

Trump proved he's a real asshole again with that whole "Oh Erin, you like to sue men right? Right? Tell me I'm right or I'm not going to listen because I'm a jerk!" Erin reminds me of Norelle from ANTM.

Trump says his book-smarts crew have degrees from some of the finest institutions in the country. I recognized about two of the universities listed (though one of them was helpfully labeled "prestigious Business Program")

Predictions:
Obviously Danny is out. Brian screwed up with that "is it true" suck up story at dinner. I don't think Trump is going to choose another white male, so Alex, Bren, Michael, Chris, and John aren't going to win. No way is Tana going to win, she lacks poise and sounds like a squawking bird. Erin was crying in the first episode, she can't take it. That leaves Kendra, Stephanie and Verna on the Magna team and Craig Audrey, Kristen, or Tara on Net Worth. We've only seen positive things from Kendra so far, so she's my leading pick. On the other hand, I think Mark Burnett knows that America wants to see Street Smarts beat Book Smarts.

I missed an episode of The Apprentice, and I may be missing many more. The more I watch the show the less I admire Donald "Gaudy" Trump. He seems to fire people for no real reasons, and his attitude is becoming more and more unbearable. Thankfully I always looked forward to Raj Bhakta. He started the season in red pants and his plethora of bow-ties helped his team to victory. He spends a lot of time flirting with the ladies, but he isn't too macho, even willing to run laps around a tennis court in his underwear.

I could go on and on, except that Trump fired him. Presumably because he knocked down a wall, but I believe the real reason was that Trump was threatened by Raj's style and personality. Trump needs attention, and he boasts and brags and layers on the gold paint to get it. But Raj is a much more interesting character and he is real. He really dresses that way, he really is charming, and he's much more fun and likable too. His personality was larger than Trumps, and we saw Trump act threatened and defensive when Trump mocked his clothing and cane on occasion. Raj could never be Trump's apprentice because Raj is bigger and better than Trump, and Trump can't stand to be the number two man.

Look at who won the Apprentice in Season One. Bill "Boring" Rancic will never threaten Trump, he is the perfect lap dog. But Raj blazes his own trail, and he wouldn't stare up at Trump with puppy dog eyes eager for any scraps that Trump might toss down to him.

Tonight is the real test. Can the Apprentice hold my interest without Raj? They did bring back Crazy Stacie, but I was actually glad to see her go. With each new appearance of "Look At Me! I'm Rich" Trump my enjoyment of the show diminishes, and none of the other characters are even remotely interesting.

Thankfully there is more Raj on his own wonderfully fancy website, rajbhakta.com.

by fiona garlich

I am a tv person. It pains me to admit it, but I will often turn on the tv when I get home, intending a few short minutes of entertained relaxation while I settle in to my evening. Unfortunately, this often leads to hour upon wasted hour of un-fulfilling, un-entertaining uselessness, and I have to force myself to turn it off after a sudden realization that I am 45 minutes into 7th Heaven and I haven't eaten yet. I don't do this to myself because I want to, I do it because I feel compelled, drawn to the tv by some seductive, addictive force that is simply stronger than me.

Usually, as in the aforementioned scenario, my tv watching experiences are complete wastes of time and are not designed around shows that would actually be somewhat enjoyable. I just watch whatever happens to be on our four hazy channels, without plan or reason. With one huge exception.

When this show is in season, I make every attempt to watch it each week (tuesdays at 9). I plan for it, I plan around it, and I have even been known to skip out on other plans to stay home and watch it. While this may be incredibly lame of me, it brings up an important point: there is just something about America's Next Top Model that keeps me going back for more. But what is it?

For the uninitiated, ANTM is a reality show that takes several young ladies from across the country, makes them live together for weeks at a time, and pits them against each other to compete for a coveted modeling contract and the prestigious title of "America's next top model." Or maybe if they win they become "America's top model," which totally isn't true, because that spot has been held by Cindy Crawford for the past 30 years or something. Anyway, the prize is big. Plus, its hosted by the hot and surprisingly nice Tyra Banks, who is also the executive producer, one of the judges, and the model held up for the contestants to emulate. Its basically one big Tyra Banks commercial (in one of last season's tasks, the girls performed in Tyra's music video), but even knowing that, the show is still fascinating to me.

Like any other reality show worth its salt, the production of ANTM is great and the editing is such that each episode has good dramatic momentum and a truly climactic conclusion. I find myself getting genuinely nervous at the unveiling of each weeks loser, who then, in typical reality show fashion, has to pack their bags and go home, never to be heard of again. This finale is milked particularly skillfully by the ANTM team. And yes, you get to know the contestants, and you have your favorites (last season mine was Mercedes, the hispanic girl with lupus), and you get to watch the drama unfold as they all get sick of each other and accidentally cheat on their boyfriends with hot Italian male models.

But what sets this show apart, in my opinion, is the subject matter. Its not a show designed pick the prettiest or the sexiest or the smartest or even everyone's favorite. And its certainly not a show based on objective challenges, tests of strength, stamina, or luck. The purpose of the show is to pick the single one person who will most likely be able to succeed in the world of high fashion, and its totally subjective. There is a panel of judges, all famous fashiony people, who decide who stays and who goes based on their performance on certain tasks: mastering a runway walk, learning a dance routine, putting on "smokey eyes" evening makeup around a crowded mirror in five minutes, and developing personal style. Clearly having "personal style" is not the most objective of competitions, so the winner is based entirely on what the judges think. By the end it was all coming down to a look, a feeling, a vibe, and witnessing the judges come to an agreement on those things, and seeing the criteria they use to reach that agreement, is an interesting sub-plot in itself. So while its fun to watch the contestants try and usually fail at their tasks and challenges, what is more entertaining is getting a behind-the-scenes look into the world of haute couture.

And that world is very very weird. For example, you know all of those ads for fancy clothes with very weird looking expressionless women standing in oddly uncomfortable poses? That's totally on purpose! I still don't know why, but I do know now that it is a very particular aesthetic that is very difficult to achieve and only certain few are able to pull it off. Thus it was really interesting to watch these girls get twigs and wire woven into their hair, and get their entire bodies spray painted bronze, and be posed underwater by pretentious photographers with accents who kept telling them to stop smiling. And you know, most of the people looked ridiculous, while a couple managed to look absolutely amazing. Those are your winners.

I just realized that one of the most compelling things about America's Next Top Model is that its really just a glorified makeover show. As an audience, you get to watch people get transformed week in and week out, and you can really follow their development from dopey-looking small town Wal*Mart clerks (or stylish rich girls, as the case may be) to glamorous, graceful, experienced models. And because of that, the show leaves you with the distinct feeling that it could be you up there (assuming that you're a thin girl with small boobs). After an hour of watching weird-looking people be stupid and dramatic, you can't help but think "I could do so much of a better job of being on that show." Which I'm sure is not true.

But the best part of America's Next Top Model is that I don't go to bed feeling like I've totally wasted my evening away. Which also is probably not true.