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So there are some shows that I would never readily admit to watching. Sometimes they are grossly and obviously skewed towards another demographic, or not quite funny enough, or lame with out being kitchy, or shows I would be embarrassed to be found watching if someone else was in the room. And yet, there are times where I am sitting there—remote poised, yes—indisputably watching these shows for way too many minutes. It’s like they have some sort of pull on my brain. Not a good pull; an evil pull. The pull of the dark side of television.

The best example I can come up with in recent months is the show R U the Girl, now over, that aired on UPN and centered around the remaining members of TLC looking for another girl to join their group and revitalize their career. This had all the makings of a train wreck wrapped in a reality show: C-list celebrities; performances that included singing, dancing, and wardrobe choices; an attempt to let the girls “design” a cd cover; unabashed kissing up; crazy people. This might have been an avoidable show if it weren’t for a ridiculous contestant named O’so Krispie who lured me in with the ludicrous name and weird disposition. Additionally, the premise of the show—replacing a single member of a trio—closed the door for any other shows. Barring any unforeseen accidents, we won’t see R U the Girl II.

Needless to say, the embarrassment factor was high while watching this show. In order to rank my other shows, I have set up an embarrass-o-meter to rate the level of shame I feel related to the specific show, with the number of O’so Krispie heads relating directly to the level of embarrassment, like so:

I’m not sure if this serves any purpose other than general embarrassment; perhaps you can share your “secret shows” and we can be even. Without further ado, Shows That Cause Liz Embarrassment to Watch:

Trading Spouses is unfortunately one of those shows that started off as a 5 Krispie header and has painfully worked its way down to a one header. ABC even has a version of this show and I—god help me—I actually PREFER the Fox version. This is bad. The show isn’t even good. The people are horrible and never learn lessons, and all you come away with is sorrow for the children whose LIVES are our entertainment. Nonetheless, I can’t wait to have kids and become a housewife so I can be on this show.

Moving right along:

This is another painful show to watch. The misunderstandings and jealousies the shows are based on register at some astronomical level beyond which any indulgent sitcom-watching viewer should have to endure. And yet…I get transfixed easily. Especially when there’s a Leah Remini “actress hiding pregnancy fat phase” episode.

Okay, this one? No excuse.

I…don’t actually have any commentary here. I am white and I occasionally watch Girlfriends. I’m sure there’s a fraction of a Nielson rating percentage out there for me.

Aaand, continuing in the vein of “not the target demographic”:

This show comes on Saturday mornings when nothing else is on and I’m killing time before going to yoga. Basically, Raven has psychic visions that are realized in some kooky way during the episode. J hates this show so much he will leave the room if it is on, so I rarely watch anything beginning to end. That doesn’t mean that when I flip the channel I don’t obsessively wonder how Raven could possibly end up kissing Chelsea’s boyfriend and what she will do to attempt to alter fate. Seriously, anyone see the end of that one?

Last but not least, my most embarrassing watch:

In my defense, I only really watch seconds of the show in the early morning when I’m flipping around for a weather report. There is nothing good about this show! The acting, premises, clichés, everything is horrible! I just sometimes stay on the channel too long. Damn that Judith Light and her bulky shoulder pads!

I hate to leave you with such bad viewing, so I'll give you a little treat for your very own computer. Here is something you might think you should be embarrassed to watch, but there is no reason for shame.

The DC zoo has rigged up a Panda Cam so you can check in on a BABY PANDA throughout your work day. BABY PANDA! He sleeps a lot, but you'll be hooked after you see him eat some bamboo or play on the rocks. If I were a tv exec, I would seriously consider pushing aside any of the above shows for a Panda Cam hour.

Didn't we sorta already know that this dude was a creep? His tender thuggin soft r&b teddy bear style seemed a little forced. Now we find out that Scott Savol has a domestic violence rap. Plus, his performance this week was WEAK. America, do me a favor and don't vote for the creep.

One of the more exciting things about a new television seasons is new faces. Saturday Night Live has been providing us with awesome new comic dudes for 30 years now. SNL's 30th season debuted last night and there is one new cast member, Rob Riggle, who has quite an interesting background. The most defining portion of Riggle's interesting background would have to be that he served in the Marines. Now, just about the last thing I think about when I think about a Marine is accomplished improv actor/comedian. Check out this from his resume: "During his service to his country, he was promoted 4 times to the rank of Major. He was awarded over 17 medals and ribbons to include the Combat Action Ribbon. During his service he took part in 5 real world Operations to include: Operation Assured Response (Liberia), Operation Quick Response (Central African Republic), Joint Task Force Shining Hope (Albania), Operation Joint Guardian (Kosovo) and Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan)." Pretty serious.

As a comedian, Rob's resume includes some impressive stuff: appearances on Upright Citizens Brigade, a ton of skits on Conan O'Brien, an important member of the sketch troupe Respecto Montalban, plus some other stuff. Check out part of his acting reel(wmv). Rob's first appearance on Saturday Night Live was workmanlike. Here's to hoping this Marine can kill us with comedy for years to come. ZOINK.

Oh Kilby, you got us. You've got us in a bad way. I'm crying on the inside....literally. Craig Kilborn signed off on Friday night ending a successful 5 year run as The Late Late Show host. He claims to be opting out for some chill out time and to maybe get into producing. I bet we will see him sometime in the future, he's too much of a star to stay away from the camera. He was one of my favorites. We'll miss you, Craig.

TV has taught me to passionately dislike Frankie Muniz. I have ascertained that he is not my kind of dude in any way through a couple of non acting tv appearances . I saw him on Ashton Kutcher's mostly entertaining celebrity practical joke show Punk'd, and he had one of the most overly serious spazz outs ever, just screaming and yelling. Then the real kicker, I saw him on E! or something with his co-star from Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London(one of the blandest movie titles ever), Anthony Anderson (who's pretty funny). They were interviewing each other, and in the interview Muniz was just talking the harshest junk about England, being weakly patriotic (which seemed so contrived), only talking about cars, talking junk about "being on a tv show and having to see the same people every week." He is just such a cliche, boring, ungrateful squirt. I'm sorta excited because I realize that this dislike is somewhat irrational, and silly, but it's really got me worked up. A real intense dislike of a celebrity. Mmmmm, feel so good. Who have you learned about and it has made you dislike?

After taking about a year off from watching the news (due to a complete loss of confidence in most news reporting in a post 9/11 U.S.) I have just recently started watching again and the news show I find most interesting, informative, and enjoyable to watch is Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN. The show just started a few weeks ago, but I find myself watching it almost everyday. It is not a normal sit at the desk sorta show. It's a little faster paced and has a sense of humor. The reporting is strong and the topics covered are relevant and interesting. Anderson Cooper is a great host. He has been at CNN for a while doing desk stuff but previous to that he was at ABC where he did stuff for Primetime Live, hosted their reality show The Mole, and I loved him as the host of the great overnight news program World News Now. He got his TV start on the in the classroom news show Channel One, which is a 12 to 14 minute news show shown in thousands of high schools every morning. Channel One's alumni also features Lisa Ling of The View and Serena Altschul of CNN and formerly of MTV.
I just read something that said Anderson Cooper 360 is getting really crummy ratings. When I read this about shows that I like it makes me feel helpless and manic (I also just read something about Craig Kilborn doing poorly). What do you folks think I can do as a caring supporter of these shows to help them stay on the air long??

A new newsman for a new world.

I have had the Replay TV tape each of the 5 big late night talk shows (leno, letterman, kimmel, conan, kilborn) once a week for the last couple weeks. It has been oppressive. Having to watch Leno once a week has been miserable, and Letterman is no better. I used to be a huge Letterman fan (1980's NBC show), but his show now is so tired. Leno is just flat out unfunny, and I find his report with guests to be depressing. If he has someone interesting on it is clear that he has a hard time following their more complex humor or intellect. Jimmy Kimmel's show is interesting. I really enjoy the rotating weekly guest host, and doing his "monologue" at the desk is interesting. He always has one more guest (usually 4 a night) than the other shows due to a shortened monologue, but Kimmel's humor is not outstanding. With all that said, the show can be interesting. Conan is good. I have been entrenched in a battle for years because nobody will ever watch Kilborn because Conan is so good, and that made me bitter for awhile, but Conan is funny. Sometimes he is a little predictable (in the way that he sorta repeats the same thing a lot) at times, but puts on an entertaining show every night. Kilborn is the underdog. I love him. I love his smarmy style. I love how he can have a guest who I don't give a rat's ass about and still make it interesting. I love his glamorous 1950's Hollywood character and set. Watch him if you never have!
Ratings:
Leno


2/10 - Sometimes good guests can make the show interesting. Otherwise - don't bother

Letterman


3/10 - A once brilliant comedian is now old and tired.

Kimmel


5/10 - Interesting new ideas. Sometimes really flat. Sometimes pretty fresh.

Conan


7.5/10 - Consistently good. Skits, banter, musical dudes. Sometimes feels like you've seen the same jokes before.

Kilborn


8/10 - A great talk show. Not perfect, just barely better than Conan, but a great personality, and feel.

Well, that was over quick. MTV just cancelled Tom Green's newish talk show (The New Tom Green Show). MTV is blaming it on plummeting ratings, and is quick to point out that Tom will still be developing new projects with MTV. It never seemed to be the right format for Tom, as an unhealthy awkwardness always ran the show it seemed. Also, one of the huge problems with the show was their inability to land interesting guests. It seemed like they never knew who would be on the show the next day, and the majority of the guests were just from other MTV shows. I like Tom Green. I hope he finds something that works soon.