November 2005 Archives

So there are some shows that I would never readily admit to watching. Sometimes they are grossly and obviously skewed towards another demographic, or not quite funny enough, or lame with out being kitchy, or shows I would be embarrassed to be found watching if someone else was in the room. And yet, there are times where I am sitting there—remote poised, yes—indisputably watching these shows for way too many minutes. It’s like they have some sort of pull on my brain. Not a good pull; an evil pull. The pull of the dark side of television.

The best example I can come up with in recent months is the show R U the Girl, now over, that aired on UPN and centered around the remaining members of TLC looking for another girl to join their group and revitalize their career. This had all the makings of a train wreck wrapped in a reality show: C-list celebrities; performances that included singing, dancing, and wardrobe choices; an attempt to let the girls “design” a cd cover; unabashed kissing up; crazy people. This might have been an avoidable show if it weren’t for a ridiculous contestant named O’so Krispie who lured me in with the ludicrous name and weird disposition. Additionally, the premise of the show—replacing a single member of a trio—closed the door for any other shows. Barring any unforeseen accidents, we won’t see R U the Girl II.

Needless to say, the embarrassment factor was high while watching this show. In order to rank my other shows, I have set up an embarrass-o-meter to rate the level of shame I feel related to the specific show, with the number of O’so Krispie heads relating directly to the level of embarrassment, like so:

I’m not sure if this serves any purpose other than general embarrassment; perhaps you can share your “secret shows” and we can be even. Without further ado, Shows That Cause Liz Embarrassment to Watch:

Trading Spouses is unfortunately one of those shows that started off as a 5 Krispie header and has painfully worked its way down to a one header. ABC even has a version of this show and I—god help me—I actually PREFER the Fox version. This is bad. The show isn’t even good. The people are horrible and never learn lessons, and all you come away with is sorrow for the children whose LIVES are our entertainment. Nonetheless, I can’t wait to have kids and become a housewife so I can be on this show.

Moving right along:

This is another painful show to watch. The misunderstandings and jealousies the shows are based on register at some astronomical level beyond which any indulgent sitcom-watching viewer should have to endure. And yet…I get transfixed easily. Especially when there’s a Leah Remini “actress hiding pregnancy fat phase” episode.

Okay, this one? No excuse.

I…don’t actually have any commentary here. I am white and I occasionally watch Girlfriends. I’m sure there’s a fraction of a Nielson rating percentage out there for me.

Aaand, continuing in the vein of “not the target demographic”:

This show comes on Saturday mornings when nothing else is on and I’m killing time before going to yoga. Basically, Raven has psychic visions that are realized in some kooky way during the episode. J hates this show so much he will leave the room if it is on, so I rarely watch anything beginning to end. That doesn’t mean that when I flip the channel I don’t obsessively wonder how Raven could possibly end up kissing Chelsea’s boyfriend and what she will do to attempt to alter fate. Seriously, anyone see the end of that one?

Last but not least, my most embarrassing watch:

In my defense, I only really watch seconds of the show in the early morning when I’m flipping around for a weather report. There is nothing good about this show! The acting, premises, clichés, everything is horrible! I just sometimes stay on the channel too long. Damn that Judith Light and her bulky shoulder pads!

I hate to leave you with such bad viewing, so I'll give you a little treat for your very own computer. Here is something you might think you should be embarrassed to watch, but there is no reason for shame.

The DC zoo has rigged up a Panda Cam so you can check in on a BABY PANDA throughout your work day. BABY PANDA! He sleeps a lot, but you'll be hooked after you see him eat some bamboo or play on the rocks. If I were a tv exec, I would seriously consider pushing aside any of the above shows for a Panda Cam hour.

Sooo…the tail section people. Were you a little bored with this episode? I was a little bored with this episode. We did find out a few important things, namely that the Others are possibly taking strong people and “good” people and only killing those that get in the way of that goal. We don’t really come to any conclusions about why the tail section people were hit more hard than the main cabin people, or if the captives become compliant, or any more about who the Others are or how long they’ve been there. We did learn an important lesson about what happens if you are a female and make sweet love on the island: gun shot to the gut. I guess that takes care of the birth control/baby question.

We also got to meet the children who were taken from the tail section group, and the teddy bear that makes a reappearance when the group of Others walk by Jin and Eko hiding in a bush. And I have to say it was a little sad learning that Boone’s message never reached an outside person.

The Other who infiltrated the tail section camp claimed to be from Canada, which is also where Ethan said he was from. Are the Others all Canadian or is that just the fallback answer if you’re secretly harboring deep secrets, stealing children, and want to seem benign?

I appreciate the catch-up back story from the other side of the island, but of course this meant we didn’t move forward in time. Moving forward in time would be awesome. Meanwhile, are you excited for everyone to meet each other? We get a clip of Ana-Lucia smacking Sayid as he’s tied to a tree and you have to wonder what’s up with that. I’m also looking forward (in a very tough-girls-of-Alias way) to the first Kate/Ana-Lucia confrontation. J.J. Abrams is good at making room for several strong female characters in his work, but this will be an interesting dynamic in that they’re neither friends nor adversaries, but will inevitably have clashing personalities.

Man, I’ve got nothing from this episode. Did you catch things? What did I miss? Have you seen this?

Another night, another Wife Swap. These shows fascinate me, probably for all they illuminate about what is NOT wrong with my life. It is hard to walk away from watching one of these shows and not feel like you and your friends are the most organized, fair, easy-going, non-judgmental people ever. Because honestly? Where do they get these families?

Let’s just take last night’s show, for instance. They make it seem like it’s a quaint set-up: vegan family’s wife swaps with big hunting family’s wife = ensuing hilarity. The actual formula for the show is a little more like: crazy family’s wife [with defining characteristic] swaps with crazy family’s wife [with opposite defining characteristic] = ensuing hilarity. It doesn’t matter what the defining characteristic is as long as someone in the family, preferably the swapping one, is a few noodles short of a happy bowl.

Let’s meet mom #1, Jackie:

She is a raw foodist and is married to Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. She is very concerned about animals and the earth’s well-being and partakes in “sun-gazing,” which is essentially staring at the sun for 10 minutes a day with the thought that you can derive energy from the sun instead of food and thus deplete the earth’s resources less. This would work a lot better if she were equipped to, oh say, photosynthesize instead of digest. It also might help if humans didn’t have eyeballs that go blind when you stare at a burning sun. On Jackie’s daily to-do list: campaign for PETA, do yoga, meditate, nude sunbathe. She makes dinner for her daughter and her and waits for Kip to come home from his FIFTEEN HOUR shift at work. Though she is intent on the care for animals, she doesn’t seem too concerned about the care for Kip, who prepares his own dinner and cleans the house.

Mom #2, Bobbie

Dude, they live in a half trailer, half house. A “trouse.” They made that word up. They are big hunters, but this fact disturbs me WAY LESS than the fact that they have confederate flags draped all over their, er, trouse. A fact that the producers and editors decide to ignore. Who cares about racism when you can focus on hunting! Bobbie’s kids eat Corn Pops with a pound of sugar poured on top, and various animals. She alludes to the fact that they don’t have enough money to buy food for the family and that hunting is actually the way they feed their family. They can, however, afford horses.

After the introductions, it’s mostly a battle of Who is Most Crazy. As a vegetarian, I am always hoping that they will someday cast a sensible, respectful non-meat-eater in the roll of Less Crazy. But for some reason it is much more fun to play with gross stereotypes and Jackie goes down like a lead balloon. Yes, Bobbie tries to make Kip and Daughter eat meat and throw away their PETA posters, but this is only after she actually did the one-woman protest herself and handed out fliers to passerbyers, which is at least a big of breach of personal ethics. Jackie on the other hand, plays a graphic PETA video (while weeping) to the boys and forces them to eat handfuls of raw hemp seeds for breakfast and join her in picketing. She tries to make them stare at the sun, too, but it snows.

And unfortunately, Jackie’s unrelenting fanaticism backfires and causes Bobbie to grow very concerned that their hunting way of life is truly threatened, and she vows to hunt more now than ever before. Kip’s manhood feels rejuvenated and he finally puts his foot down and introduces cooked foods back into their lives. He celebrates his victory with two pieces of toast.

I can’t help but think this would be a fun show to be on. Hmm. Liz’s day: wake up, sit at desk for 8 hours, come home, make or get dinner, watch reality shows, go to bed. I may have to work a few more “kill dinner with bare hands” or “emasculate husband” tasks in there.

A new day means new Warm Glow LOST information!

While I have also mostly avoided message boards about the show, I decided to spend a bit of time finding out what is actually out there, and bringing you the best of the best. Plus, we have an update on our logo findings!

First, take a listen to this Talking Heads LOST parody song.

Whoa, that was damn nerdy...but it doesn't stop there. Not by a long shot--check out this video-still song.

Whoa?! What the hell was that?!

If you happen to be a fan of DriveShaft, (more like "SuckShaft"!), then spend some time on their exhaustive web site.

If you want some nerdy theories, you can check out message board sites like the fuselage, but try to stay away from the official theory board, since it appears to get dumb real quick.

Okay, now to the logo findings. It appears that the Dharma logo uses feng shui symbols that represent these categories:

the three lines in a row = metal/travel
the dash - line - line = metal/ creativity
the dash - line - dash = water/career, life path
dash-dash-line=mountain,earth/wisdom
dash-dash-dash=lotus/love, marriage
line-dash-line=fire/fame
line-line-dash=wind/prosperity
line-dash-dash=forest/family

Hmmm, okay. That doesn't really explain the different logos though, and as Mike pointed out to me last night, there was a new logo seen in a recent episode when Michael, Jin and Sawyer are brought into the abandoned bunker with the survivors of the tail section. It appears to be different from the swan and the shark logo, which gives us 3 distinct logos so far. Keep your eyes peeled for any (5 more?!) new ones in future episodes.

I’m not much for message boards, probably because avoiding them gives me some small strand of hope that I’m not entirely gone to the rest of the world when in comes to Lost. I am not, however, above having other people tell me things they’ve read on message boards and then relaying those things to you. This helps maintain an illusion of personal involvement I suppose. Blah blah blah ANYWAY! My sources tell me that they played what Walt said to Shannon backwards and got this: “They're coming, and they're close.”

Did you just get shivers up your spine, because I sure the fuck did. How is he appearing and disappearing? Why is he talking backwards? Why is he posed the exact same way each time she sees him, and each time it’s in the rain? Is he projecting himself somehow from a scientists’ lair? We also know the island is playing some other tricks that were never quite explained, like Jack’s dead dad wandering around. Could the image sightings be related?

I’m roaming into major SPOILER ALERT territory if you haven’t seen the newest episode yet, so, uh, you’ve been warned. (But seriously, get caught up before next week, okay? I can’t promise I won’t answer my phone with “Jack died!” instead of “Hello?” or something. Jack didn’t die [in fact, is this the first show where we don’t even see Jack?]. Although we learn on the bonus features disc from the first season DVD collection that the writers’ original intent was to kill Jack off right away. But when they tested that on audiences, everyone got very angry, so they changed it to the pilot getting killed instead.) You’d think I would have guessed that it was going to be Shannon who was shot because, oh, IT WAS HER EPISODE, but for some reason my mind completely filtered that right out and I was surprised at the end anyway. But I wasn’t surprised it was new bitch lady that was wielding the gun. Two points for me.

Prior to that, we got to see Sayid giving Shannon a little candlelit bungalow on the beach at night. Is it just me, or would you ladies have been all, “Aw, sweet,” but then be thinking a little, “Hmm, he does realize that he already did this two episodes ago or so, right? I really hope this isn’t the only trick up his sleeve because the ‘Surprise, here’s a tent I built!’ thing is going to get old quick.” Also, dude may be sweet, but he is not slick. He said, “It’s all for you,” but we all know he meant, “It’s all for you…and me to get busy in!” Not to mention the last time she spent a romantic evening alone with him happened to be the same night her brother/lover (brover?) was killed. NO BAD ASSOCIATIONS THERE OR ANYTHING. Also, what do you think the chances are for safe sex? You’d think the fear of becoming pregnant on a monster island that steals babies might kill your sex drive, but apparently not so much.

Also, in case you missed it, Jack is the doctor who couldn’t save Shannon’s dad. Remember why? Because he saved his future wife instead.

Good lord, is it next Wednesday yet?

Yesterday's terrific Warm Glow entry by Liz highlighted one of the more intriguing mysteries surrounding Lost--the revelation that a shark was imprinted with the Dharma logo. Last night Mike and I went all-out detective mode in an attempt to uncover the truth behind this matter.

Looking at the screen shot of the orientation video, you can clearly see that "Station 3" has a logo of "The Swan." However, when you compare that logo with the one found on the shark (the inset) they don't necessarily match up. Mike's theory suggests that the shark is part of another station, possibly "The Shark." However, the logo found on the predatory fish is difficult to decipher. It seems far too generic to represent the body of a shark. Much work still needs to be done, so we'll be sure to publish any new findings after the lab sends its analysis back from processing.

Hello there. I'm Liz and I'm excited to be joining the ranks and entering into the communal obsession with television here at Warm Glow. You have actually caught me at a meaningful threshold in my television-viewing life. Over the past few weeks my husband, J, and I have watched season one of Lost, with a fanaticism that falls only a little short of batshit crazy obsession. We then downloaded the five episodes that have aired thus far in season two and watched those, consecutively, in one sitting. We are officially Caught Up. And according to my sources, this is a particularly good week to be caught up, as the new episode airing on Wednesday is rumored to only be slightly less exciting than, say, winning 156 million dollars in the lottery. Someone is supposed to die, and even though they are playing it up like it will be Sawyer, my money’s on the bossy new lady who Jack had a drink with or the random blond lady who befriended Michael. Am I just in denial?? Kate did have that whole "I never said goodbye" thing going on. And they did just sorta kill Boone without any warning.

Anyway, I have been shielding my ears from all Lost references for the past year so that I might not overhear a spoiler, but now all is fair game. After Wednesday, I will have officially watched my first episode along with the rest of the world and am free to speculate openly and listen to rumors about mad scientist kidnappers. And sharks with logos.

(image via tvsquad)

I KNOW!

Since Lost airs on Wednesday, I have fired Martha Stewart’s Apprentice from the lineup (and if we’re being honest, there was really only ever room for one Apprentice in my heart). Also no longer in contention for viewing is Trading Spouses, which, while not one of my regulars, I do watch on occasion for its share of comic gold in the form of human misery and stupidity. This week’s teaser has been this woman stampeding around screaming, “THEY DON’T BELIEVE IN GOD!!! HER CHILDREN DON’T EVEN GO TO CHURCH!”

(screen capture via fourfour)

Can you even believe you aren’t watching it THIS SECOND?

Luckily, ANTM comes on just before Lost, so none of the model-watching will be interrupted. This is very important because we are only episodes away from the producers letting down their guards and letting us see the full crazy of Jayla, who may be the only reality show contestant in the history of TV to usurp the role of “The Whacked Out Crazy Bitch” during a freakin’ recap clip show. In addition to being a Jehovah’s Witness from Arizona, Jayla is also a Gelfling.

Anyway, I’m very much looking forward to sharing my television blather with you. After all, what good is being obsessed with reality shows and mystery islands if there’s no one there to talk to you about them?