How "America's Next Top Model" Saved My Life

by fiona garlich

I am a tv person. It pains me to admit it, but I will often turn on the tv when I get home, intending a few short minutes of entertained relaxation while I settle in to my evening. Unfortunately, this often leads to hour upon wasted hour of un-fulfilling, un-entertaining uselessness, and I have to force myself to turn it off after a sudden realization that I am 45 minutes into 7th Heaven and I haven't eaten yet. I don't do this to myself because I want to, I do it because I feel compelled, drawn to the tv by some seductive, addictive force that is simply stronger than me.

Usually, as in the aforementioned scenario, my tv watching experiences are complete wastes of time and are not designed around shows that would actually be somewhat enjoyable. I just watch whatever happens to be on our four hazy channels, without plan or reason. With one huge exception.

When this show is in season, I make every attempt to watch it each week (tuesdays at 9). I plan for it, I plan around it, and I have even been known to skip out on other plans to stay home and watch it. While this may be incredibly lame of me, it brings up an important point: there is just something about America's Next Top Model that keeps me going back for more. But what is it?

For the uninitiated, ANTM is a reality show that takes several young ladies from across the country, makes them live together for weeks at a time, and pits them against each other to compete for a coveted modeling contract and the prestigious title of "America's next top model." Or maybe if they win they become "America's top model," which totally isn't true, because that spot has been held by Cindy Crawford for the past 30 years or something. Anyway, the prize is big. Plus, its hosted by the hot and surprisingly nice Tyra Banks, who is also the executive producer, one of the judges, and the model held up for the contestants to emulate. Its basically one big Tyra Banks commercial (in one of last season's tasks, the girls performed in Tyra's music video), but even knowing that, the show is still fascinating to me.

Like any other reality show worth its salt, the production of ANTM is great and the editing is such that each episode has good dramatic momentum and a truly climactic conclusion. I find myself getting genuinely nervous at the unveiling of each weeks loser, who then, in typical reality show fashion, has to pack their bags and go home, never to be heard of again. This finale is milked particularly skillfully by the ANTM team. And yes, you get to know the contestants, and you have your favorites (last season mine was Mercedes, the hispanic girl with lupus), and you get to watch the drama unfold as they all get sick of each other and accidentally cheat on their boyfriends with hot Italian male models.

But what sets this show apart, in my opinion, is the subject matter. Its not a show designed pick the prettiest or the sexiest or the smartest or even everyone's favorite. And its certainly not a show based on objective challenges, tests of strength, stamina, or luck. The purpose of the show is to pick the single one person who will most likely be able to succeed in the world of high fashion, and its totally subjective. There is a panel of judges, all famous fashiony people, who decide who stays and who goes based on their performance on certain tasks: mastering a runway walk, learning a dance routine, putting on "smokey eyes" evening makeup around a crowded mirror in five minutes, and developing personal style. Clearly having "personal style" is not the most objective of competitions, so the winner is based entirely on what the judges think. By the end it was all coming down to a look, a feeling, a vibe, and witnessing the judges come to an agreement on those things, and seeing the criteria they use to reach that agreement, is an interesting sub-plot in itself. So while its fun to watch the contestants try and usually fail at their tasks and challenges, what is more entertaining is getting a behind-the-scenes look into the world of haute couture.

And that world is very very weird. For example, you know all of those ads for fancy clothes with very weird looking expressionless women standing in oddly uncomfortable poses? That's totally on purpose! I still don't know why, but I do know now that it is a very particular aesthetic that is very difficult to achieve and only certain few are able to pull it off. Thus it was really interesting to watch these girls get twigs and wire woven into their hair, and get their entire bodies spray painted bronze, and be posed underwater by pretentious photographers with accents who kept telling them to stop smiling. And you know, most of the people looked ridiculous, while a couple managed to look absolutely amazing. Those are your winners.

I just realized that one of the most compelling things about America's Next Top Model is that its really just a glorified makeover show. As an audience, you get to watch people get transformed week in and week out, and you can really follow their development from dopey-looking small town Wal*Mart clerks (or stylish rich girls, as the case may be) to glamorous, graceful, experienced models. And because of that, the show leaves you with the distinct feeling that it could be you up there (assuming that you're a thin girl with small boobs). After an hour of watching weird-looking people be stupid and dramatic, you can't help but think "I could do so much of a better job of being on that show." Which I'm sure is not true.

But the best part of America's Next Top Model is that I don't go to bed feeling like I've totally wasted my evening away. Which also is probably not true.