The Ways My Trip Sucked 2: Iowa and Road Trip
Archived from October 25, 2007
The Iowa Fringe Festival
My trip started out on a bad note with the Iowa Fringe Festival. Sadly this bad note set the tone for a large portion of my trip. The Iowa Fringe couldn’t manage to do even very basic organizational things like put signs up or have a legible schedule. Out of town solo performers were apparently the most hated at the festival because they put four of us in a “venue” with a fake name, at the end of an alleyway, on the edge of town, totally hidden from the street with no signage. The “address” they provided for the fake named venue was odd numbered on the even side of the street. The venue itself was actually a storage garage which housed about 5,000 milk crates and office chairs all covered in dust and dirt. The door to the “venue” was locked until about 5 minutes before my second show, which only had 2 septuagenarians show up. I ended up canceling 2 of my 4 shows because only 2 people showed up. If you’ve ever seen my show, you know that the whole shtick of it is that the audience sings along. I just didn’t have the heart to put the Veteran of Foreign Wars through carrying the show alone.
At the time I thought that everyone in Des Moines hated me and my show. Later I discovered all the out of town performers had 2 people come to their shows. My experience was really depressing and awful, only made worse by the asshole “running” the festival this year. He showed up AFTER my show to put up a more visible sign for our "venue" and provide free water to the following show’s audience. This same man said that out of town performers were only there to “practice for the Minnesota Festival.” This was extremely offensive because I have a very tight show, as do most other traveling performers. After that, he charged me a hotel tax when I did not stay in the hotel. Regardless of the Iowa Fringe’s vast over-booking (50 acts for a market that can maybe support 15) I couldn’t help beating myself up over not being more aggressive in the promotion department. I tend to depend on word of mouth so when the one guy I knew in Des Moines got a job in China I was somewhat at a loss. Also I thought a smaller market would be excited about out of town acts (which had been my experience in Fresno). That was totally not the case in Des Moines. The local shows had 80 people at them. It was insane and extremely poorly produced. I am caught between never going back to the Iowa Fringe Festival because I hated it so much and purposely going back just so I can “do it right this time” since I know now what to expect. After my last show of the Iowa Festival which I had to cancel due to my audience consisting of 1 person, I had a long hard cry. At first it was just a whimper, but then it went into a hurricane of tears because it occurred to me that none of the other artists supported my show. I went to as many shows as I could while I was there, trying to see people who I knew had small turn-outs. When I realized that sentiment was in no way reciprocated by the other performers was a difficult pill to swallow. I guess sometimes when you’re dealing with actors, you’re in for, a lot of ‘stars’.
Road trip
After Iowa, I was totally depressed. The depression hung around like a cloud – a dark, foreboding cloud that kept saying “you suck and you’re going to suck in Minnesota too. Good luck having fun, because you suck.”
Needless to say, these feelings colored many of my activities. Like for instance when I went on a road trip with a baby for a week. That’s not entirely accurate; I went on a road trip with my friend and her baby. I was excited to have some great one on one time with my friend, but really, it was ‘the baby show’. I know you’re probably thinking “of course it was, babies are cute and require attention and care”. That may be true, but I don’t have a baby. I don’t have a baby and I don’t think I’m ever going to have one now, because talk about high maintenance! It doesn’t get much more high maintenance than a baby. And the part that was so frustrating was that the demands seemed so arbitrary. It wasn’t like the baby was crying because she needed milk or a diaper change. She was crying because she was not being held 100% of the time by her mother only. Every time I tried to pick her up she turned into Wailing Jennings. Wouldn’t you know it, just when I’m feeling blue and could use a hug from a baby, she turns against me.
When this baby was an infant, she and I got along fine. I would pick her up, she’d grab my thumbs, it was fun. All of a sudden it’s a year later and I’m the anti-Christ to this kid. Nope, babies are not for me. Maybe in another year the child will like me more. At that point, she’ll be able to talk. She’ll communicate her needs and be able to say things like “I hate you, Starr.” We’ll see how it goes.
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