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Perfect Pitch - ChipChat by Tina

March 01, 2006 02:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Don’t you hate it when something happens and you think afterwards “oh, I should have said (insert phrase here)!”? Well thanks to ChipChat you will never have that problem again. Ever. It says the perfect thing right when you need it. Your instant wit and snappy sayings will impress your friends and insult your enemies instantly. Simply slip the ChipChat chip under your tongue and something amazing will come out every time you open your mouth. It’s revolutionary. It’s small. It’s sneaky. It’s super cool. It's ChipChat

Watch the clip on Vimeo!
ChipChat

Awe inspiring much?

*heart* moshman

By: Tina | Challenge 01 | March 01, 2006 | Comments (18)

Pulp Fiction: The Musical -- Pitch/Call for Investors by Lauren

February 28, 2006 09:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)

playbill.jpg

The suave, sexy Vincent Vega. The stoic, philosophical Jules Winnfield. The manipulative Marsellus Wallace. The mysterious Esmeralda Villalobos. And who can forget Butch Coolidge and his daddy's watch?

After seeing Pulp Fiction: The Musical?

Nobody.

This landmark production, re-worked for the stage by renowned writer/director/producer Quentin Tarantino, will mark the first Broadway venture for executive producer Lauren Alyce.

"This is really something new. Not only for me, but for Broadway; for theatre as a whole. I don't think anything like this has ever been done before," says Lauren, addressing the press at an early conference and investor interest meeting. "We've got some of the top people in the industry all lined up to work on this thing. It's going to be amazing."

Lauren had this to say when asked to elaborate: "Well, we managed to get most of the original cast, for one thing. Uma, Bruce Willis, Travolta, and Sam Jackson are all signed on. We also have an amazing choreographer attached to the project, and he's getting the cast really excited. Really excited. There's fight choreography, of course, lots of fun orchestrated violence and pyrotechnics. But the real core of this show -- the heart of the show -- has to be the ballet."

dancerehearsal.jpg

"There's this scene -- you probably remember it from the movie -- where Vincent and Mia are having dinner together at a nifty little theme restaurant called JackRabbit Slim's. Mia orders a five dollar milkshake, does some blow, and then talks Vincent into entering a dance contest with her. It's a wonderful dance sequence. And what we've done for the musical is... we've taken that scene and taken it a step further."

"Yes," chimes in an obviously excited Dougal Freeworth, the project's choreographer. "So far, we're only in workshops, but it already looks amazing. We have these six extremely talented company dancers that just kind of fill in the background. But they do so much more than just fill in the background, you know? They really give PFTM something that the film was lacking, you know? A kind of physical artistry, which may have kind of been there in the movie, but not to this extent, right? This is art, you know?"

Although the project is still in its developmental stages -- the producer is, in fact, still making additional pitches to prospective investors -- some have questioned whether Tarantino's film provides appropriate subject matter for the Great White Way. On the other hand, some worry that a musical version of Pulp Fiction may somehow compromise the film's theme by attempting to tone down the violence and profanity in order to attract a family crowd.

"We are trying to make this something that you can bring the kids to, yes," admits Lauren, "But we aren't cutting the violence out. We're just making the violence more artistic. It's going to be kind of like that scene in Oklahoma! that's really super violent, but it's OK(L-A-H-O-M-A!) because it's a dance. It's art. In many ways, I think that fight choreography really is the modern equivalent of ballet. And vice versa."

spotlights.jpg

As for the sex, drugs, and rock and roll?

"We kind of have to leave that stuff in for the story to make sense. Mia's overdose scene is there, and we're in the process of adapting it into a musical number. We're thinking maybe it's a good candidate to be our featured ballad for the first act, and it might possibly get some airplay if we make it work as a top-40 crossover. That part where Vincent jams the syringe of adrenaline into her heart is just begging to be a musical climax. One of the high points of the show, if you'll excuse my pun."

When asked about what's known as "The Gimp Scene," Lauren smiled. "Ah, yes. The Gimp. The Gimp is in the musical, but he's a bit different. He's not really so much a perverse masochist as a confused soul who hasn't really had any friends for years. There's this great buddy number in the musical where Marsellus, The Gimp, and Butch get to know each other -- and themselves. It's really a very touching moment."

stagedoor.jpg

The violence, the blood, the sex, and the drugs -- they're all still there. "But," says Lauren, "We did cut back on the swearing a bit. For example, I think that in the movie it says **censored** about 257 times, but in the musical they only say **censored** 225 times. And about 100 of those **censored**s are in songs, so they don't really count. And they're only in, like, 1/3 of the songs anyhow. There are 32 songs so far, so really, comparatively, there isn't much swearing. Bring your kids, folks! And we'd love to have a family-friendly investor or two," she adds with a wink.

When asked about the current investor situation, Lauren reaches for a pie chart. "We've got about 40% of what we need in order to open the show in time for the theatre season. We need about $30 million more -- which is why we're here today. We want to give investors an idea of what we're doing, and give them a chance to be a part of this amazing show. The bottom line is this: this show is going to be good. Like five-dollar-milkshake good. Only better. Like five-dollar-milkshake-with-a-Tony-sticking-out-of-it good. You want to get in on this one."

By: Lauren | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006 | Comments (14)

CHALLENGE 1: ShiTool 2.0 by Alex M.

February 28, 2006 05:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Dear Yahoo, Google, AOL, Microsoft, Rupert Murdoch, Et Al.

There's been a lot of buzz about "Web 2.0" and "Social Software" lately. And there's been a whole lot of cash changing hands - $15 mil for Measure Map, around $20 million each for Flickr and del.icio.us, and a whopping $580 million for Myspace. Obviously, these new technologies need to be "dynamically leveraged" in order to create new business paradigms and exploit the capital potential that exists in online social networks.

So how do today's busy Internet users find the time to update all of their social software applications? That's just the problem - they often don't. A typical web-savvy college student might have all or a combination of the following: Myspace page, Friendster page, Facebook site, Flickr account, del.icio.us link library, Blogger blog, Vimeo or YouTube video account, and the list continues. Add schoolwork, part-time jobs, relationships, and band practice into this "Media Mashup," and you've got a recipe for Web 2.0 overload on your hands.

But wait! There's hope for these information-clogged arteries. We're proud to announce the launch of a new application that will revolutionize and forever simplify social software: Social Hierarchy Integration Tool for Web 2.0, or ShiTool 2.0 for short.

logo1.gif

ShiTool (pronounced Shy-Tool) is a web application that updates absolutely everything for you. Haven't got time to take pictures and upload them to Flickr? Let ShiTool scour the web and upload other people's photographs that match your personality and aesthetic style. Can't update your Myspace friends list because your cat is sick? Let ShiTool choose your friends for you. Can't go number 2? Well, even ShiTool has its limits, but the app comes standard with a set of future-proof APIs (Application Programming Interface) so that it can be extended to any online or "offline" situation.

The 5 steps to using ShiTool are simple:

1) Fill out the initial "personality test." Users' personalities and preferences will be rated, graded and sorted according to our top secret open source algorithm. Then the program will develop a psychological profile of the user, which will be used to determine the content of the user's social interactions. Freudian, Jungian, and Zizekian psychological theories will be employed in building this profile.

2) We will then integrate your personalized profile into our massive RAID array, which contains every word in every language ever written or spoken in the history of the world, and every possible social or personal scenario that has occurred or will occur at some point in the future. This allows for infinite interactions and possibilities. We like to call it "THE MIND OF GOD."

3) Once your profile integration is complete, you'll have a personal page available on our secure site which allows you to minutely adjust your preferences and mood indicators. This provides for a more accurate social computation representation. You can change these as frequently or as infrequently as you like.

4) Now ShiTool goes to work updating your social software accounts, wherever and whenever you choose. All content posted by ShiTool is witty, entertaining, useful, instructional, comforting, and deeply meaningful. Yes, all at the same time. It is the perfect program, again, THE MIND OF GOD.

5) Voila! All of your social software responsibilities have been filled by ShiTool, and you can spend your extra time on the things that truly matter: hanging out with your cat, listening to Enya, eating Kettle Chips, or driving your hybrid to the mall.

Extra Features:
* Perpetually in BETA!
* The logo sports a gradient background, rounded corners, clean sans-serif font, and a drop shadow for that awesome Web 2.0 look!
* Speaks your mind!
* Writes better than you!
* Knows everything about you!

By: Alex M. | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006 | Comments (15)

Challenge 01--Better Than Vanilla, by S.G. Pierce by SG Pierce

February 28, 2006 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

     Oh, the Fun Center!! What words can describe the aroma of a fume so persistent, so smelly, so pervasive? To walk through a cavalcade of rides and pitches, ponies and pennies, bumpercars, tents, and navy, navy, navy, and see but not smell curly fries and popcorn, cotton candy nor a cob of corn, every molecule of acre after acre of air sucked through a funnel of industrial rot, sulfuric and breathy through nostrils that could not be forgot. NO!! I will not pitch sand to fix mud!! (Not sand from the bottom of the river, anyway)

realbig.gif
       How big the smell was

    The Rose Festival!! Of course it rained. It was the first day of summer after all. The mud at the Fun Center was mashed into mush by thousands, back before the five dollar fee, when Made in Oregon had two big tents, not one, and the Budweiser Clydesdales were such a big draw. To stink it up with sand from the river took several days to decide, but when it was done, it was done, that smell was there to stay. And word of a smell gets out. It smelled!!

bbcarnivalride.gif        They're smelling it!!

It rained so hard the supports on the Big Dipper went up and down at least a foot, only on the right side, sucking up mud and bumping up and down on plywood shims everytime the dipper went up. If the people in line would have
looked at that, soaking in the rain as they waited back when it took two tickets, maybe a dollar, no more to ride a big ride like the big dipper, would they have been so brave? But nobody looked, there was so much mystery in the air. WHAT IS THAT SMELL!! To put orange water on the sand to fix the smell of the sand that fixed the mud as well took several days to decide. A curious odor, not a better smell. No!! I will not pitch orange water to fix the sand that fixed the mud!!

A bedraggled, forlorn, slushy arena, where bears could be bought with a basket or two, knocked down or thrown by a ball through a hoop, "miss would you like to try", "three milk bottles, two darts, ten dimes", a goldfish in a bag, a red glass plate, BUT OH HOW IT SMELLED!! When the sun came out it steamed as it smelled, an aromatic, orange flavored stench, wafting against the will into any open orifice: It STUNK!!

stonesmell.gif
Turned to stone from the smell

And that, dear reader, is
why, on day eight or so, right at the end, we walked in vanilla. Not just
to pass by a bakery or two--
this was ballfield after ballfield celestially caressed. To walk
in vanilla is rare and delightful!!

And let me tell you this, just like sand is better than mud, and orange
water is better than sand, MY IDEA IS BETTER THAN VANILLA!!

excitingbanner.gif
Better than country living!

The PROBLEM:

Dialtone, pulse, pulse, pulse, etc.etc.etc.etc., ringtone, ringtone (I think my machine is set to pick up at four) and then a tone, the likes of which cannot be replicated in words, except those used as a reminder of what one hopes is not a shared experience, that causes one to immediately delete the message, a sorry substitute for an understandable urge to commit what be would probably later be called a hate crime, because the toney target was a blonde (she sounded SO blonde and beehived!), and what now prevents me from telling you word for word
what the member of this despicable subset of so called human specie said: No one called you back before when you asked about a property because the landlord has made it clear that he will never permit your use in any of his spaces.

countryliving.GIF>clown.gif

      Country Living                                                                                           Beehive


The TONE!! Coming from a beehive who works for the biggest owner of so called commercial spaces in this smelly so called city to ME: hostette and celebrity spokesmodel for a formerly famous and fifteen
year long fully rent paid commercial endeavor that this innuendoizing landlord should be so lucky to rent to, while space after space of what this unknown anonymous eater "owns" sits idle, each spot a piece of
brie and aritchoke quiche, swallowed too fast, all eggy and rich, to sit far too long in a stomach that savors Starbucks and Salons, burping out urban decay for years after the meal was so insatiably consumed, not for
a tasteful savor, but to save on taxes, a process that is as equally certain as death, and yet complicated and incomprehensible to anyone with an artistic palette like mine: How the heck can you afford
to let all that property sit unrented for so many years, and don't you ever long for proper digestion?

celebspokesminister2.gif  Celebrity Spokesmodel/Minister:   http://www.24hourChurchofElvis.com


The SOLUTION:

There is a space, in the smelly city of "Portland", owned by a landlord who just wants to rent! Nothing fancy, no themes or pecadilloes, just RENT!! All I want is a little part of it--about 500 sqare feet--some windows and a door, one room, walled off and barricaded, so my store can be a store--AND YOU CAN HAVE THE REST!! There's 9500 square feet upstairsl that can be rented separately, and 4600 square feet on the ground floorl, with your own entrance, your own windows, in one of the most pedestrian-laden blocks in this whole smelly town--OREGON, land of dreamers!! Portland, city of ROSES!! On a street car stop!! One block from MAX!! Across the street from the Central Library!! For only $12.00 a foot, triple net!!

You need to move to Oregon and relocate your business in this incredible spot!! Oh sure, there's rain, there's mud, but where else can you WALK IN VANILLA?

If you need more than just location, location, location, rest assured that you will be sipping your lattes next to one of the most incredible, beloved, unbelievably famous landmarks in the history of this rainy mud-filled state!! You will be situated next to: THE WORLD'S FIRST 24 Hour Coin-Operated ART Gallery!! Better known as the beloved: Church of Elvis!! (See above)

psychicmap.gifbluedot.giflogo2.gif


Hey, bloggerreader--share this news!! Find somebody to rent this space so that you will have a place to go on a rainy night and put a quarter (or possibly more, due to inflation) in a coinslot, listen to a computer talk to you, answer questions by pressing a button, watch things spin around in the window while music plays, and get a hand
made prize when you're done!! Psychic counselling and a cure!! Photo Opportunity with the King!! Biosphere 6000!! Handy Horoscope and a Psychic Map of the Future!! Art in a Jar!! Gift suggestions and an ornament from Santa Barbara (don't call her Mrs. Santa)!! 3 Predictions and a 3-D Psychic Calendar from Dr. Justin D. Nikov-Time,
Psychic to the Stars!!

seaanenamoes.gif
Sneak Preview of affected party to be revealed shortly

Please call the property manager, who spoke to me as a human would speak to another and knows of this world-wide plea, get the particulars and do not let this space become a missed opportunity for the likes of you,
concerned, forward-looking patriot and lover of the arts, for the likes of me, celebrityspokesmodel/minister, former biospherian, confirmed semi-finalist, and MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, An American, for the likes of
this rose-filled, vanilla filled hometown city, or for the sea anenomae populated planet. His name is Paul Schramm, and his phone number is (503)222-5100. The space for lease is located at 822 S.W. 10th Portland, OR


blogpicture5.gif  http://www.24hourchurchofelvis.com
All rights to the use of my logo reserved, copyright on all my stuff, some of the images used herein were obtained from IMSI's Master Clips/Master Photo Collection, 1895 Francisco Blvd.East, San Rafael, Ca 94901-5506 USA

By: SG Pierce | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006 | Comments (7)

Challenge 1: Easy Rolling by Tim

February 28, 2006 09:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

Disclaimer: I would appreciate it if the kind folks at Mission, Old El Paso, Ortega and other tortilla makers did not steal this idea from me. I have just realized that this is the only thing resembling "job security" or "making it" in my post-college life.

Everyone likes burritos. It's a fact of life. Its the common ground shared between vegans and meat eaters, hippies and jocks, stoners and sxe'rs. Everyone.loves.burritos. Everyone also loves "going out for burritos." I have taken part in this activity in cities throughout the world, with literally dozens of other people. Who doesn't like the idea of someone making a fresh delicious burrito stuffed to the xtreme? I'll tell you who: people who don't like spending very much money, people that have the DIY thing going on, and people that don't like leaving their homes.

So can't they just make their own burritos? Yes, but with disastrous results. Some people are simply too clumsy to roll up a burrito, but even the seasoned armchair chef runs into problems recreating giant burritos at their home. You can make "open end" or "cone-style" burritos with some success, but these configurations prevent proper toasting in a pan (severely cutting into the enjoyment index). You need a true closed-edge burrito for maximum enjoyment, but there are obstacles.

Burrito-filling is a prime example of error in judgement. When faced with so many delicious ingredients, people try to stuff everything in to excess. But when you twist it up,what is the result? We've all seen it:

fatty

Overflow. You can't cinch the tortilla closed enough for the burrito to keep its shape. See the innards just waiting to spew out? This is a messy and unwieldy meal. And what happens when you try to toast this disaster in a skillet? Complete burrito breakdown. What is the current alternative? We have all seen it:

Pinner

What an anemic, sad example of the burrito maker's art! In finalizing the wrap-up process with conventional tortillas, it is necessary to have a two-inch (5 cm) minimum flap overlap area (FOA) to keep the contents secure and to assure the structural integrity of the burrito. This boils down to a trade-off between the amount of food inside the burrito and the integrity of the whole. You just can't have both. Until now!

Introducing the "Easy-roll Burrito." As mentioned above, burritos have had omnipresent market penetration, but few markets have been more deeply penetrated than that of the stoner demographic. What I propose is to combine the success of burritos with a a simple bit of technology that has proven itself in the stoner world.

Gummed-edges tortillas.

Like rolling papers, but edible, and not made out of paper. I have prototyped this technology using flour tortillas and an all-natural and tastefree rice-based flour as the gumming agent. Simply fill up your fatty burrito, fold over the flaps, lick it, and it is sealed. With this technology, the FOA can be reduced to as little as .5 inches! This means more delicious contents, less pasty flour tortilla. The ingredients are organic flour, organic proprietary non-GMO rice-based flour, and water. Once it is finished beta-testing, the torilla will go open source under a Creative Commons license, allowing for unhindered customization and development forever.

Here is an actual picture from the prototyping process. This is arguably the largest and most delicious burrito ever made! Observe the golden brown and delicious (GBD) toast marks! I was able to flip this burrito in a pan and it held together with no problems. I was able to stuff it so full due to the reduced FOA. Look at the US quarter for comparison!

proto-tortilla

The Easy-roll burrito offers creative freedom unparalleled in the tortilla world. Want to create a delicious novelty burrito? Stick lots of Eazy-Rollers together and create that 10 ft. long party-meal you've always craved! And think of the prank possibilities! Paste a bunch over a cop's windshield! Screen print some food coloring on them and you have edible stickers! The possibilities are endless!!!

By: Tim | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006 | Comments (19)

Challenge 1: Easy Rolling by Tim

February 28, 2006 09:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

Disclaimer: I would appreciate it if the kind folks at Mission, Old El Paso, Ortega and other tortilla makers did not steal this idea from me. I have just realized that this is the only thing resembling "job security" or "making it" in my post-college life.

Everyone likes burritos. It's a fact of life. Its the common ground shared between vegans and meat eaters, hippies and jocks, stoners and sxe'rs. Everyone.loves.burritos. Everyone also loves "going out for burritos." I have taken part in this activity in cities throughout the world, with literally dozens of other people. Who doesn't like the idea of someone making a fresh delicious burrito stuffed to the xtreme? I'll tell you who: people who don't like spending very much money, people that have the DIY thing going on, and people that don't like leaving their homes.

So can't they just make their own burritos? Yes, but with disastrous results. Some people are simply too clumsy to roll up a burrito, but even the seasoned armchair chef runs into problems recreating giant burritos at their home. You can make "open end" or "cone-style" burritos with some success, but these configurations prevent proper toasting in a pan (severely cutting into the enjoyment index). You need a true closed-edge burrito for maximum enjoyment, but there are obstacles.

Burrito-filling is a prime example of error in judgement. When faced with so many delicious ingredients, people try to stuff everything in to excess. But when you twist it up,what is the result? We've all seen it:

fatty

Overflow. You can't cinch the tortilla closed enough for the burrito to keep its shape. See the innards just waiting to spew out? This is a messy and unwieldy meal. And what happens when you try to toast this disaster in a skillet? Complete burrito breakdown. What is the current alternative? We have all seen it:

Pinner

What an anemic, sad example of the burrito maker's art! In finalizing the wrap-up process with conventional tortillas, it is necessary to have a two-inch (5 cm) minimum flap overlap area (FOA) to keep the contents secure and to assure the structural integrity of the burrito. This boils down to a trade-off between the amount of food inside the burrito and the integrity of the whole. You just can't have both. Until now!

Introducing the "Easy-roll Burrito." As mentioned above, burritos have had omnipresent market penetration, but few markets have been more deeply penetrated than that of the stoner demographic. What I propose is to combine the success of burritos with a a simple bit of technology that has proven itself in the stoner world.

Gummed-edges tortillas.

Like rolling papers, but edible, and not made out of paper. I have prototyped this technology using flour tortillas and an all-natural and tastefree rice-based flour as the gumming agent. Simply fill up your fatty burrito, fold over the flaps, lick it, and it is sealed. With this technology, the FOA can be reduced to as little as .5 inches! This means more delicious contents, less pasty flour tortilla. The ingredients are organic flour, organic proprietary non-GMO rice-based flour, and water. Once it is finished beta-testing, the torilla will go open source under a Creative Commons license, allowing for unhindered customization and development forever.

Here is an actual picture from the prototyping process. This is arguably the largest and most delicious burrito ever made! Observe the golden brown and delicious (GBD) toast marks! I was able to flip this burrito in a pan and it held together with no problems. I was able to stuff it so full due to the reduced FOA. Look at the US quarter for comparison!

proto-tortilla

The Easy-roll burrito offers creative freedom unparalleled in the tortilla world. Want to create a delicious novelty burrito? Stick lots of Eazy-Rollers together and create that 10 ft. long party-meal you've always craved! And think of the prank possibilities! Paste a bunch over a cop's windshield! Screen print some food coloring on them and you have edible stickers! The possibilities are endless!!!

By: Tim | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006 | Comments (19)

Challenge 1: You R Right (Maari's entry) by Maari

February 28, 2006 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)

right_logo.jpg

So maybe you are enjoying your life, maybe the sun is always shinning and the flowers always smell flowery but there is one thing lacking, just one..small...thing. That thing is the fact that people disagree with you, at work, at home, in bars, on planes, in the rain, everywhere. No one recognizes your supreme level of correctness. Here is my idea, here is my gift to the world, a service. "You R Right" brings together the euphoric feeling of total rightness with the convenience of your cell phone. Maybe you've had a bad day where the boss questioned your supreme level of know-how, or maybe the barista laughed at your drink order. No worries my friends I'm pleased to allow you the opportunity to be totally right at least for ten uninterrupted minutes of your day.
So check me out here bid and let our symbiotic relationship begin.

You R Right on Ebay

You need affirmation as to your greatness and I am here to provide it. So you call me up whenever you feel wrongly wronged and I let you know that the world is a sea of fools and you are but an island, an oasis of total intelligence. You think that the fridge is a doorway to Alaska. I say, "Where is my dogsled?" You don't really think that Australia exists? I say, "Well, I've never seen it. Must not be there." Whatever the case may be you can be right in that case. So join up here and let's be friends

You R Right on MySpace

I will let you know of advancements in ways to prove that you are right.
So embrace this service as something we all need in our daily lives. The chance to reclaim our total rightness . YOU DESERVE TO BE RIGHT AGAIN!!!!


Thank You,
Maari
(TTB)

By: Maari | Challenge 01 | February 28, 2006 | Comments (15)

Challenge 1: Thom's Entry by Thom

February 27, 2006 10:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Attn: Jona, Mike, Steve

Re: Ultimate Blogger 3

Keyword: Bigger


Hello Jona, Mike, and Steve. Let us be the first to congratulate you on the success of Ultimate Blogger. It is a truly beautiful thing. We cried. No, really, These are real tears - but not of sorrow. No. These are the tears of purest joy.

The competition has captured the imagination of the average person on the street. As you are probably well aware, the average person on the street is THE target market for most advertisers. Now that Ultimate Blogger 2 is well under way, the question on most people's lips is, "Where will they go from here?" Well, we're here to provide the answer, and the answer is UP.

Why choose us? We think our reality show track record speaks for itself. Remember "What Happens When We Touch You There?" That was our idea. How about "So You Want to Marry a Cripple?" That wasn't our idea. Because that's just in bad taste. You need to draw a line somewhere.

So when we were asked to brainstorm on Ultimate Blogger 3 one idea immediately jumped to the forefront. Are you ready for this? You're not ready. We can tell. Wait - now you're ready. Check this:

Image hosting by Photobucket

Ultimate Blogger 3: Blog Brother

That's right - we get the contestants into a loft in Portland and watch their every move, broadcast right here on the World Wide Web. Our tech guys insist there's a technology called "web cams", and by using these "web cams" you can broadcast in real time online. And apparently it's really popular with teenage boys who, we don't need to tell you, are THE target in the target market.

The key is in capturing their imagination, and we know we can do that with the inherent drama of 12 bloggers all living together. Don't believe us? Peep this sample video homestyles!


View this clip on Vimeo

Now imagine that for 24 hours straight. Internet reality show gold!

But the real moneymaker for any successful show is the cross-marketing. We're talking pencil cases, mouse pads, commemorative plaques. But that's not all. We're currently in talks with...no. This is too hot for you. It will scorch you completely.

Oh what the hell: We're currently in talks with James Blunt--that's right, THE James Blunt--to rework his hit single into a theme for the show. BOOYAH! We had our crack team of in-house musicians work up this ditty - we know you'll agree it's a winner:

Ultimate Blogger 3 Theme - Your Blog is Beautiful

Time is of the essence boys. We can make millions. Get back to us.

Sincerely,

Thomas Bartholomew Wong
CEO
Gin + Juice Productions
"Number one with a bullet baby! Are you picking up what we're laying down?"

By: Thom | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (13)

Queer Eye for the Lost Guy by Zoe

February 27, 2006 08:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (32)

Lost things just keep getting better.

In what would be a revolutionary union between two networks, I’d like to pitch to you an idea for the ultimate Queer Eye challenge: Take a group of men who have been trapped on a deserted, monster-terrorized island—where fierce bearded men might snatch them up at any second!—and clean them up with a Fab Five makeover so they can be rescued (or eaten) in style.

Carson: "Sawyer seems like a job for me! Look at him, all rough and tumble, like a pirate. Careful, Sawyer, or I might just steal your booty!" For Sawyer, Carson will need to go dark, like the heart of a scoundrel. He'll custom make 4 black t-shirts to go with a pair of vintage-wash jeans and some sturdy, steel-toe boots. Perfect for kicking boar ass...and for charming a certain Freckles.

carson sawyer smaller.jpg

Kyan: "We've got some major island feet here. But if I mash up these guava seeds with some boar fat, it'll make a perfect exfoliant!" Kyan will tend to Sayid. Although he won't cut his hair Republican-Guard-short, he'll make sure to trim away all those dead ends that split with grief when Shannon died. Also? That boy needs a manicure! Torture tools do nothing for the nails. I bet 8 of Sayid's are already cracked.

sayid kyan.jpg

Ted: "Locke, you have got some great knives here. Perfect for slicing fruit thin enough to garnish a drink or a fruit cocktail." Under Ted's auspices, Locke will prepare a romantic dinner for Sun and Jin, so she can practice disobeying him as she wantonly opens her top shirt button. Those two love birds haven't had 15 minutes alone together in over a month!

locke ted.jpg

Thom: "I'm liking this hatch thing, but I'm thinking it looks a bit dated. Let's get rid of these bookcases and install decorative, freestanding shelves where you can display your artwork. And while we're at it, let's transfer this spliced film here to video." With the help of Jack and Charlie, Thom will create a hatch aesthetic comfortable enough for both high-flying surgeons and hobbitesque smack addicts. Although he'll be a bit disappointed when he finds out "Driveshaft" is just a band name, he'll make sure to frame one of their posters for a personal touch. The all-new doomsday-machine iMac will be surrounded by 16 votive candles.

charlie jack thom.jpg

Jai: "Hurley, you're a big guy, but anyone who knows you can see the warmth in your eyes. That's why you've got to make eye contact with Libby. Make sure you look into her eyes so she knows you're paying attention only to her." With Jai's help, Hurley will find the perfect gift for Tailaway Libby. He'll offer her a lush polar bear rug upon which they can lie on the beach and watch the sunset. Or, at least, Libby can watch the sunset, and Hurley can look into her eyes. They'll feel like young 23-year-olds again.

hurley jai.jpg

Finally, Jai will choreograph a traditional island dance for the featured Lostaways, leading them in a 42-minute native extravaganza that reenacts the fleeing from a tree-rattling mystery monster. And as Carson would say, "not the one in my pants!"

By: Zoe | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (32)

Butterfly Dazzle's got some new toys. by Mike

February 27, 2006 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

My Little Pony is a phenomenon that took the United States by storm in the early 1990’s. These little toy ponies were by far the coolest toys for young girls and effeminate boys countrywide. NOT only could you get the ponies, you could get cloud castle, and all sorts of hair accessories that you could use to turn your pony into the hottest pony on this side of the Prime Meridian. In the Ultimate Blogging world of My Little Ponies, Zoe would probably have the most impressive end result. It’s all about product.

The obvious evolutionary step for these cute ponies would be to turn them into mechanized military fighting machines. With governments spending all sorts of research dollars on robotic warriors, why not take advantage of a design that will likely bring extreme fear into the hearts of the unexpecting.

As usual, I made an MSPaint image. Check it out:

yes

Now, don’t be confused… these wouldn’t be toys. They would be life sized my little pony death machines. We could send ‘em into dangerous mystical countries like ‘Austria’ and ‘Canadia’ to seek and destroy all things evil. They would obviously be powered by rainbows and pneumatics and be able to withstand heavy machine gun fire and tank piercing rounds. Complete with Jet Packs and guns that make you go ‘mmm,’ these ponies will leave you wishing your TNMT pizza van was turbo. They might not be the cheapest weapons of mass destruction, but I assure you they would be the most pretty.

By: Mike | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (19)

Challenge One: A Pitch of A Pitch by Tim and Morgan

February 27, 2006 07:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (27)

Hello, we are Tim and Morgan and we would like to tell you about this entry.


This video is our pitch to you, to buy our vhs cassete about making pitches. We seriously spent forever editing this, and then the computer totally crashed. It was awful. Ten sodas later we where ready to go.

We work very hard to bring you quality products and entries, such as this pitch thingy.

Love, Tim and Morgan

our ichats:

Morgan = Magnetsandmints
Tim = youantnolandmark

We only have one alliance, but were allways looking for more.

By: Tim and Morgan | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (27)

Challenge 1: An actual conversation I really had one time by Brittanie

February 27, 2006 06:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

"We should come up with some kind of promotional night for the bar. I was thinking about something like 'Knife Nite.' It could be like they do in Compton, where you bring in a weapon and get a free toy, only instead of toys, we could give away free drinks."

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard."

"No, really, it would be like the Hunting and Sporting show last year. Some guys are really into their knifes. People would come, show off their favorite weapons, maybe trade one knife for another. I think it would draw a good crowd."

"Drunk guys with knives are exactly who I want to be serving. How about something normal, like a pool tournament or, you know, Cecil's Bar does an industry night, where anyone who works at another bar can come in and drink for free. Other bartenders make good customers, because they always over-tip."

"Yeah, but do you really want to be hanging out with even more bartenders. I mean, how much time do you spend at work already?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. We could have an all-day happy hour."

"Happy hour always draws the same crowd — guys like Larry and Doug — those men who call themselves 'Team Martini'."

"Hmm..."

"Yeah..."

"Holy shit! I've got it. We could open up a new bar, and call it 'Brownie Nagel.'"

"You mean, as in the camera?"

"No, like the football player. Only, instead of regular bar decor, we could have giant posters of Nagel's artwork all over the place, and the only thing on the juke box would be Duran Duran. And then — this is the best part — instead of peanuts or popcorn like other bars serve, we could — are you ready? — we could serve... brownies."

"How about if I just bartend in a bikini one night."

By: Brittanie | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (10)

CHALLENGE 1: ERIC FILIPKOWSKI'S PITCH by Eric

February 27, 2006 05:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

Well since I’m from Hollywood and I know famous people, unlike you rubes (just kidding!), I know that the first rule of pitching anything is that you bring 9 other pitches with you because nobody is gonna like the first one. Not only that, the one they’ll probably end up liking is the stupid one you threw in as a joke and thought nobody would like in a million years. So, that said, here are ten wicked stupid pitches.

Jesus Watch 2006 (TV) – Jesus can come back at any minute. It’s in the Bible, I’m not making this shit up. So why not put a video camera in the coffin of everyone who dies and each week you show a “best of” highlight reel to see if any of the corpses come back to life. That way, if someone does come back to life, we’ll know it’s Jesus and we’ll have proof. That way, all those whiny Jews and Muslims will shut the hell up.

Ultimate Archaeology Pranks Gone Wild! (TV) – The first ever archaeology-based prank show, where we go out in the desert and bury some walrus bones so that thousands of years from now, scientists will dig them up and make all sorts of faulty theories about the oceans receding or whatever. Also, there will be robots.

Kids Get the Darndest Head Injuries (TV) – Pretty self-explanatory. Video of kids getting hurt, set to a comical soundtrack. This shit just writes itself.

The Smells Like Shit Candle (PRODUCT) – A candle that smells like shit. You might say, “Why would I want a candle that smells like shit, candles are supposed to smell nice?” Exactly. You can stick this candle in your bathroom and then when people take a shit and try to cover up the smell with the candle, it will just make it smell worse. This would be aimed at people who hate people who are dishonest. Plus, it would be orange and say “Orange Blossom Summer” on the label or something like that to trick people. Also, it would be one of those “trick candles” that won’t go out ever, so they couldn’t just blow it out.

The National Haiku Championships (TV) – I don’t know if these actually exist. That’s not what my pitch is about. If there is no National Haiku Championship, disregard this entry. That’s not what I’m pitching. What I’m pitching is that if this does exist, it should be televised. Like you could show all the contestants and send video crews out to their houses to interview their friends and family before the competition and then maybe even follow some of the more colorful characters on their journey. This could be interspersed with the heated competition, which I guess would be like the entrants getting a topic and having to come up with a haiku based on that topic in a certain, set amount of time? I’m not sure. Like I said, I’m not pitching that so it’s really no concern of mine.

The Fake Cheesy Car Stereo Decoy Invention (PRODUCT) – Everyone nowadays has high-end, removable face plate cassette decks in their cars, right? Well, you can remove the faceplate, but that leaves the whole guts of the cassette deck just sitting there in plain view for criminals to see. A smart criminal would go, “Hmm, if they removed the face plate from that cassette deck, it must be a really nice one. I should steal it and then just get a face plate from somewhere else and I’ll have an awesome car stereo to sell or use myself. You know what? It’s probably so awesome, I’ll want to keep it for myself. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.” Of course, this is all based on the assumption that this is even possible, who knows. So ANYWAY, my invention is a fake cheesy AM radio faceplate that you slip onto the empty slot so it looks like your radio is a piece of shit that nobody would want to steal unless they were really into irony and criminals don’t have time for that.

Jody Bennett: Mediocre Street Magician (TV) – If you’re like me, you hate magic. And more than hating magic, you hate magicians. Magicians are all lonely, sociopathic rejects who are unable to deal with reality and human beings. They have basically taken their disorder and used it to their advantage in the form of this “skill” which they employ to win friends and impress women. Some might applaud them for taking lemons and making lemonaid, but I do not. If you’ve ever watched that David Blaine bullshit on TV, you probably sat there, stewing with anger and hoping he would get beaten up by one of the spectators. He probably didn’t get beaten up because he’s actually a good magician, but if he sucked, or was just “OK”, things might be different. Enter Jody Bennett: Mediocre Street Magician. He’s my friend and I honestly have no clue if he even knows any magic tricks. All I know is, you put him in a top hat and give him a cape and a magic wand and people will beat him up.

Time Travel Game Show (TV) – Invent a time machine so that you can bring back people from the past who have the same name as awful celebrities from today. Then the contestants vote on which time traveler is going to feel worse when they find out what their namesake has been up to. For example: DeForrest Kelley vs. Paris Hilton.

Date My Gay Dad (TV) – Just like “Date My Mom”, except the guy has to go on a date with the girl’s gay dad. The dates will be very “gay-oriented”. As a special treat, the guys who are on the show won’t be aware they are going on a date with the girl’s gay father until the actual date starts.

Der Monkees (TV) – A show that asks the question, “What if the Nazis had won the war and 21 years later an enterprising producer decided to create a television show based around a fake band to appeal to teenage girls?” The answer? It would pretty much be the exact same thing as the regular show, except all the band members would be blonde.

Well, those are my ideas, I hope you like them. And if you’re a big shot Hollywood producer, remember: I’m 30, but I can play 25.

By: Eric | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (25)

Challenge 1: waferbaby's Pitch by waferbaby

February 27, 2006 02:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

My concept, dear readers, is quite simple: To build a line - nay, an ARMY - of limited-edition vinyl toys based around infamous web celebrities, all in Super-Deformed styles. Released in Seasons, the line-up would be fleshed out by sourcing new blood* from the top-ranking personalities according to Technorati.

Each toy would be numbered, and the selected individual would be given a code based on adding up the numbers in the date their domain was registered (Y/M/D), and combining that with their PageRank value at the time of construction. Those selected would also be invited to design and write up their figure's page on the official site - which contains bios, an official store with merchandise, and (eventually) a full-blown animated series in the vein of DragonBall Z (replacing Dragon Balls with Web Standards).

Be still, my beating Otaku.

A toy exhibition would travel to particularly shit-hot Web conferences that contain members from the latest Season, who would be persuaded to sign toys and other paraphernalia.

waferbaby_challenge_1.jpg

And if that idea should fail, I'd like to build a Cultural Slang Translator, to prevent unsightly bashings.

* The toys wouldn't actually contain real blood, unless this would curry the judge's favour.

By: waferbaby | Challenge 01 | February 27, 2006 | Comments (5)