Challenge 2: waferbaby's Hometown by waferbaby

March 3, 2006 6:14 PM Permalink

A tiny plane comes to a stop on the parched airstrip, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Its twin propellers splutter and die, throwing dust into the face of an ugly but muscular man standing nearby. He chews the dust and smiles as the plane door is kicked repeatedly from the inside until it bursts open. Two handsome men appear at the entrance, looking concerned and exhausted.

"G'day, mate! Welcome to Australia!"

The man grins broadly and reaches to shake the visitor's hands, then stops and pulls back suddenly, his brow furrowed.

"Ahh, ya might want to step carefully as you jump off the plane there, fellas; the snakes, y'know? Only last week my mate Billy got his tuckerbox gobbled by a flamin' beast of a python. Strewth, the bugger almost had his leg for tea!"

He walks over to two enormous, dead trees, and pulls them clear out of the ground by their gnarled roots - gnarled like his hands, gnarled like his face, and possibly gnarled like the bits underneath his clothing that we can't see. He adjusts his hat, pushes the two stumps togther and constructs a make-shift walkway for his guests.

"There we go, hop on down to the ole terra firma! Oops, where's me damned manners? The name's Dan - Dan Boges!"

Handshakes all around. The Americans stare at Dan, studying his curious garments and glistening biceps.

"Oh, the outfit? Yeah, I knew you two was special guests the minute I heard of ya, so I decided on a suit. Now! Normally I don't get all dressed up so formal, but don't you worry about that. It's a lil' tight 'round the neck, so you'll hafta excuse me playin' silly buggers with my face. I'm 'ere to take you gents on a ripper visit of me home, with none of that bloody tourist rubbish!"

A hungry snarl sounds from near Dan's well-worn feet.

"Stone the crows, haven't you blokes gone all white! Oh Dan, you bloody drongo! I forget you two ain't from around here; it's OK, really! This is Fluffy, my best mate in the world! Say g'day, Fluffs!"

The crocodile says nothing, simply suns itself and waits. Dan hugs her tighter around the mid-section.

"Long as I'm around, she's as 'armless as a pig in mud, and twice as friendly. Now grab your gear, fellas, 'cuz we're off into the scrub!"

The three men and one crocodile meander off into the west, Dan scouting ahead of the pack. As the day stretches out before them, the harsh flat terrain gives way to harsher prickly bushes and looming rock formations. Finally the two Americans, panting and crying, plead with Dan for a break. They stop beneath a grove of trees sitting by an abandoned fence.

"Yep, I reckon we could all do with a cuppa and some scones, fellas; bonza idea! Now how's about I show you two how we do 'take-away' down under? Stand back and give me room, mates! You too, Fluffy."

Dan kicks the dirt clean with his boot and produces a handsome didgeridoo from within his backside. Puffing out his cheeks, he removes his hat, strips down naked and pulls on strange, garish tribal garments. He settles onto his knees with the instrument and begins to bellow out a booming tune.

There's a great scurrying in the trees above, and a face suddenly appears in the leaves! The smaller of the two Americans screams like a little girl.

"Don't move, fellas! Here she comes!"

"Who dares interrupt my slumber in the Dreamtime? I'll.. Oh, g'day Dan! Didn't know it was you!", says the Koala.

"Evening, Matilda!", says Dan. "Fancy rustlin up some home-cooked tucker for me and the boys? I wanna get 'em to Ayers before sundown!"

"I can't see you makin' it on foot in time, luvvy, even with a belly fulla damper and tea! How's about I lend you Mad Max's wheels? Think you can drive her?", says Matilda.

Dan stands silently in awe beneath the gum tree, staring out into the horizon, twisting his hat in his hands. To sit behind the wheel of Mad Max's very own car! Such an honour! He looks up at the koala, tears staining his weather-worn cheeks.

"I reckon I can do that, 'Till", smiles Dan.

The car flies over the embankment, the grove of trees a mere speck in the rear-view mirror. The American boys clutch each other fearfully in the back seat as Dan cheers and hoots and pumps his clenched fist against the dashboard, hard enough to leave a dent.

"So whaddaya say, gents? Think you're gonna up and move here from the ole' US? I reckon you'd fit in a beaut, that's what I reckon! WOOHOO!"

Fluffy's stomach rumbles loudly. The boys in the back freeze, arms around one another's heads, and the crocodile turns to face them, a thin rope of spittle hanging from each tooth.

"EUREKA! I knew this little beast could do it! RIPPER, MAD MAX! RIPPER! Look at that, boys; we've made it! I promised you a tour of my hometown, and God willing I've done it!"

Dan pulls the car to a halt, kicking sand into the air. A beautiful silence ensues, and he soaks in the glory of the giant red rock before them.

"Would you look at her! Have ya ever seen such a shelia?"

Only the silence answers Dan's question, for Fluffy's ever-growling stomach is silent now. He turns to the back seat and finds it empty, empty but for a single American dollar bill, gently floating in the evening breeze.

Ende.

By: waferbaby | Challenge 02 | March 3, 2006

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